Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
That is the crux of the matter. I am bored of the fight to maintain stability. It is starting to wind me up because I stumble more than I walk. Anything in my life that is good, is slowly eroded and destroyed. Self confidence is at an all time low and I just dont see the point in continuing with futility.
I'm not going to do anything drastic it's more a case of I am no longer going to do anything because nothing helps consistently. Exercise, diet, meds, therapy, it all seems to provide the most passing of relief. Sooner or later it all comes crashing down again.
What do you do if something it hurts? You don't do it again, so why is it the depressed have to bare this bullshit?
Why does it happen that physical ailments get on-going treatment whereas mental health gives you a certain amount of sessions then deems you ok?
Why is it doctors do the bare minimum? Why is it that despite CBT and DBT and every other form of therapy not providing lasting results are these still being peddled as the answer?
Why is it meds only have a small effect before you need to 'change'?
It smacks of bullshit.
Sorry for being a whining little shit.
I'm not going to do anything drastic it's more a case of I am no longer going to do anything because nothing helps consistently. Exercise, diet, meds, therapy, it all seems to provide the most passing of relief. Sooner or later it all comes crashing down again.
What do you do if something it hurts? You don't do it again, so why is it the depressed have to bare this bullshit?
Why does it happen that physical ailments get on-going treatment whereas mental health gives you a certain amount of sessions then deems you ok?
Why is it doctors do the bare minimum? Why is it that despite CBT and DBT and every other form of therapy not providing lasting results are these still being peddled as the answer?
Why is it meds only have a small effect before you need to 'change'?
It smacks of bullshit.
Sorry for being a whining little shit.
While different things work for different people, I do have to wonder at what exactly in CBT and DBT didn't work out for you. They *can* provide lasting results, especially for people like yourself who are naturally very verbal; they are both highly empirically supported methods, which is the only reason insurance will cover it (though, as you pointed out, they so frustratingly are legally able to be far more stingy than anyone with a heart could be with a chronic physical illness - again, a very depressing thought for me). But success is dependent on both the patient and the therapist, so if there's a disconnect on either end, among other variables, the therapies' effectiveness wane.
The only reason I reiterate these claims here is because I can tell by your posts that you're a very intelligent person and there is always hope, even in simple logic. Depression is a cyclical illness, it's true; it never goes away forever. But oftentimes the right medication at the right dose (not just medication in general), and/or the proper therapy with the proper therapist, and/or the correct skills learned and the correct dysfunctional thoughts challenged, can give us back the quality of life we deserve. I find it hard to believe myself when I'm in a position similar to the one you've posted about, but that's why I, personally, rely on logic - it's the only thing I have that invariably defies the depression.
Lastly, though, I see on your profile that you're in a personality disorders support group and that you haven't added details, which is your right and obviously I'm not complaining. But I do want to be forthcoming and say that, as you may well already know, whatever troubles might be plaguing you in that court could also be negatively affecting the efficacy of treatment, both therapy and meds, especially if the people treating you aren't aware of it. Please don't give up; there's an answer out there for you, and by the unfortunate virtue of the nature of the guessing game, it can be a roller-coaster ride in the meantime :( But science suggests that it's only a matter of time; plus they're always coming out with new medications and trying new types of therapy. Please hang in there until the thing that works for you comes along.
*Sincere and hopeful hugs*
Elle
I think at the moment I am finding it difficult to decide if I am being rational or hot-headed, which I am prone too.
DBT has worked for me but it has it's limits. In reality, it is unfair to write it off so completely. Mindfulness has its uses but then there is the heat of battle, when the mind just wont calm. Those are the worst moments, I know I have lost control and no amount of trying to relax works.
Mental process equals a physical response but sometimes that response is so automatic that mindfulness, or rather my use of it, fails.
CBT has not worked for me because I am completely unable to share what I feel without feeling guilt. Even now as I type this, I am feeling guilty for the possibility of making someone else unhappy reading about my struggles. Even therapy carries this guilt I feel.
My meds are only working in their sedative aspect, mood is barely controlled. This is the only downfall in the NHS system. Living in the area I do means a lot of people with mental health problems. Therapy is scarce and rules are a bit dippy, so I have to wait again.
As I can't predict this sort of crash with any certainty, I cannot plan for the waiting times for therapy. I know this is a silly complaint. Predicting the future is not one of mankinds strong points.
I think this time it is more galling because I have been putting the effort in, i have been trying very hard to prevent this but it has still happened. If effort is not being rewarded with results, it all gets very frustrating.
Im too hard on myself but is it truly so wrong to want the best from myself at all times? I can never answer that question because I am totally divided by it
Mr Bill Hicks says it better than I can...
"The world is like a ride in an amusement park and when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and around and around and it has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud. And it's fun - for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question; is this real? Or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, and they say, "Hey, don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because... this is just a ride."
..... and.... then they shot them :-(
But mate, it is a ride, it is life, there are some amazing people in this world, there are some truly horrible moments, I don't know how to express it, but you cope because this is your life and you do, you really do have the oppotunity to make some moments of it amazing... yes some parts will be horrible, but just hang on... and try to pull yourself out... take care of yourself, and see, even if you can't (I hope that makes sense), to see the good in the world, to enjoy the moments....
Sorry, but this is in my eyes the one chance you have, you are alive, you are loved, darn, I feel a need to repeat that, but you are loved! I know my friends think you're great, from what you've said you have a wife, you are loved.... just try to realise how awesome that is, if you need looking after, not in a patronising way but in a.... umm, play xbox, hang out with mates, watch shitty 1980s movies, be comfortable, relax, whoop ass at tekken.... hmm.... may have just spoken to myself.....
Just enjoy it, its a ride, you will have horrid moments, but if you can make them better with pizza, with ice cream with chilling with friends, do it, you are... hair-care moment.... worth it! You don't need to change, just need to know and remember you can have those good moments....
This is from a friend, and always make me realise, there are others in the world that make it awesome:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-SqUZcC1q0
And if all else fails....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHBwryfycvk
if it hurts...i cry, i try something else, i grin and bear it. i wait. i deal. i isolate. why do depressed have to bear the bullshit...bcz we are alive, we have to. theres no choice. we are not rich. it's because, our strength is not limited, because we are not masters at the art of bullshit.