Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Im 15 and i dont think depression really sums up how i feel at the moment. ever really. So when it first began to happen, i wrote in my journal describing it to be a black hole, sucking up all my happiness and making me sad.
I've had this black hole since September 2010 and since then I feel like im slowly falling apart. I've self harmed in a lot of ways but recently started cutting my self and writing words into my skin like 'coward' and 'stupid' because its how i feel. A coward for not being able to kill myself and stupid because thats how people treat me. Like i know nothing and i'll always be nothing. I have a great home, friends and family, i do i truely do and im grateful but...no one really understands. My friends are always counting on me to help them with their problems but they never ask about mine, never even think that maybe im not ok. Then there is my family, they are never home and they always forget about me and they never make time to talk to me or hang out with me like they use to, especially since my two older siblings are older and have cars to go out.
I told my mum about the one time i tried to kill myself, i was home alone and after crying in the shower for quite some time i summed up the courage to kill myself, I went downstairs and got a knife and tried to stab myself...but i couldn't do it and cried my self to sleep. A couple months later was when i finally told my mum and she was supportive in trying to help me but ever since then i haven't spoken about it, i felt better for a while because my mum was more careful and nice but i it didn't actually solve anything....if anything i feel worse...
Now a couple months later i sit in the shower and silently cry into my skin so no one can hear me. I use a pin and drag it along my skin but now im thinking that wasn't so smart, now that i remember that i have school in a few days and i have quite a lot of cuts on my skin....i dont want people to ask questions, i dont want people to finally care because they finally physically see the pain im in...i dont want to have to explain my whole story to people who wont understand.
I dont know what to do, reading that it takes a week for cuts to heal, knowing that i have a stupid formal this week and swimming trials on monday, and a summer uniform that wont cover everything.
What do i do? and more importantly how do i stop feeling this way ?
Id love some advice if anyone is willing to give me any. Sorry for dragging on and sounding like such an idiot.
I've had this black hole since September 2010 and since then I feel like im slowly falling apart. I've self harmed in a lot of ways but recently started cutting my self and writing words into my skin like 'coward' and 'stupid' because its how i feel. A coward for not being able to kill myself and stupid because thats how people treat me. Like i know nothing and i'll always be nothing. I have a great home, friends and family, i do i truely do and im grateful but...no one really understands. My friends are always counting on me to help them with their problems but they never ask about mine, never even think that maybe im not ok. Then there is my family, they are never home and they always forget about me and they never make time to talk to me or hang out with me like they use to, especially since my two older siblings are older and have cars to go out.
I told my mum about the one time i tried to kill myself, i was home alone and after crying in the shower for quite some time i summed up the courage to kill myself, I went downstairs and got a knife and tried to stab myself...but i couldn't do it and cried my self to sleep. A couple months later was when i finally told my mum and she was supportive in trying to help me but ever since then i haven't spoken about it, i felt better for a while because my mum was more careful and nice but i it didn't actually solve anything....if anything i feel worse...
Now a couple months later i sit in the shower and silently cry into my skin so no one can hear me. I use a pin and drag it along my skin but now im thinking that wasn't so smart, now that i remember that i have school in a few days and i have quite a lot of cuts on my skin....i dont want people to ask questions, i dont want people to finally care because they finally physically see the pain im in...i dont want to have to explain my whole story to people who wont understand.
I dont know what to do, reading that it takes a week for cuts to heal, knowing that i have a stupid formal this week and swimming trials on monday, and a summer uniform that wont cover everything.
What do i do? and more importantly how do i stop feeling this way ?
Id love some advice if anyone is willing to give me any. Sorry for dragging on and sounding like such an idiot.
If you weren't aware there is also a teen depression group on DS. Which may be more appropriate for some of your issues.
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Depression-Teen/support-group
Have you talked to a doctor about how you are feeling? Honey there are so many options so never give up hope!
I understand,believe me how much pain your in. I think you need to let it out, tell your mom everything you just posted, or show her your post. Nobody should have to suffer in silence.
You will get better honey, I promise you. Keep posting here.the angels here at ds have literally kept me alive when I can't go on.
There is hope.
I've responded to a post from emilyeve - which also includes you.
We are 'fellow sufferers' and we hope (our aim is) to help lead others to the 'light at then end of the dark tunnel'.
From my experience... I think there must have been an 'event' that put you in your 'black hole'.
Do you want to talk about it?
Try not to be too hard on your mum... A lot of people bury their heads in the sand... If they don't talk about it, it won't happen.
I've had thoughts "if I was an actress".... What if I needed to portray Eg: a person with terminal cancer??? I've thought, I couldn't do that / be that character 'cause I might get cancer'???
Not sure if I'm making sense, but your mum might NOT talk about 'IT' because she FEARS it might happen!
NOT something she wants, she LOVES you!
Take care
xxoo
go between your parents. You are in pain and deserve to be helped. You are worth while to be loved and supported but sometimes we tend not to want to see someone we care about the most in pain. .
As a mother it would hurt more knowing my daughter suffering in silence, believe me, by not telling her it hurts more.
You can find the courage to tell her, or just have her read this thread. She loves you honey, love overcomes everything.
you have actually been really supportive and helpful for someone i haven't met and its good to know hearing from a mum's point of view, i actually cant thank you enough.
I know from experience that my son spoke to school counsellors (from primary school, & throughout high school). NO way on this earth do I know ALL of the 'ins & outs' of what was discussed.
I'm pretty confident the counsellor will respect your privacy... The ONLY time they would be legally obligated to 'divulge' would be if they determined you would harm yourself, or others.
At the end of the day, I wouldn't worry about your mum finding out. She does need to know, and if you CAN'T tell her - perhaps the counsellor (the middle man) should???? Easier for you???? You'll get the help you deserve & need!!!
xxoo