Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
This link to another posting will give a summary to my situation, Which ties in to this this posting
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Multiple_Personalities/forum/16266208-whats-wrong-me
Back in February, I created a 18 year old girl named Cassi that had lived in Minnesota and lived through the worst abuse anyone could've ever imaged. One night she (I) went into a chat room and shared that I was very depressed and i needed help. I found a lot of supportive people in that room and Cassi (I) became really close to one specific individual. An older male named Robert, 57, a Bishop from California, Orginally from Texas that felt the need to protect me and care about me. I accepted his concern and we began to share more and more about our life (Cassi's life, not my own) It got to the point were we developed more than just a friendship. We were sharing pictures (I was sharing pictures of people that weren't me) I even found a way to create a phone number in the state she lived in so it would seem legit so we could talk on the phone. I created a facebook, twitter and other social media sites too for Cassi to make her seem more realistic.
Within this chat, Robert, The one Cassi became friends with months ago. From another chat, He had become friends with an Apostle Gary from Kentucky. Robert asked Cassi if i would be his and if i would move with him to Kentucky to begin a ministry with him with Gary in Kentucky.
I agreed to all of that and told Robert I would and also told him that my dad would allow me to have his truck to drive down to california and then too Kentucky. (in real life, My dad doesnt own a truck and I dont drive.) So when it came to the day that i told Robert I would begin my trip down to California from Minnesota.
Finally that night i had no other choice but to tell him that cassi didnt exist and that all the plans we made werent going to happen. I crushed him so bad. I ruined his reputation. I have more enemies now then I did before all because I was afraid to trust and to be myself in the first place.
He wanted to commit suicide because of this and so did I. I hate not being me but it seems im always someone that im not. During the months I was Cassi, I was also playing the role of other people, by supporting Robert by being his friend with other people i created, being other victims that he can Cassi could help minister too. It became very chaotic and complexed.
I did tell him who I was, I was on cam, I admitted on cam i am not cassi and yet he found a way to forgive me for what i had done. I began telling him my real story and who I was. Which opened up something i which i hadn't. In my past my father and other people had abused me. He immediately said he was either going to send the state police to my door or was to get in his wheelchair and going to come kill the people that had abused me. I became very scared and our conversation finally came to the point that he if i still loved him. I did have feelings for him but after he said that he was going to begin my family misery i didn't feel the same afterwards. He asked if i would still marry him and he said that if i said no that he would stab himself with his scottish sword between the 3rd and 4th rib on the left side of his body and he would instantly kill himself. So i said yes, just so i wouldn't have to deal with wondering if he would actually do it or not. I also said i would go to be with him in Kentucky but i don't feel right about that anymore.
I cant tell him that i don't want to be his wife because he said he would use that against me to bring my family down and so would the Gary in Kentucky. If i say no to being his wife he will kill himself and then his computer will be taken by police and i would be found to be the cause for him killing himself.
Im looking to find therapy here in my state because this is becoming overwhelming for me and bringing me more into a depressive state, wondering what i should do. I feel i have some sort of identity disorder that is causing me to be someone im not in order to feel safe.
So far i have not made contact with him for a day because im afraid of what he will say to me which will only make my depression that more severe.
Sorry that this is so long but i appreciate those of you who took the time too read it all.
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Multiple_Personalities/forum/16266208-whats-wrong-me
Back in February, I created a 18 year old girl named Cassi that had lived in Minnesota and lived through the worst abuse anyone could've ever imaged. One night she (I) went into a chat room and shared that I was very depressed and i needed help. I found a lot of supportive people in that room and Cassi (I) became really close to one specific individual. An older male named Robert, 57, a Bishop from California, Orginally from Texas that felt the need to protect me and care about me. I accepted his concern and we began to share more and more about our life (Cassi's life, not my own) It got to the point were we developed more than just a friendship. We were sharing pictures (I was sharing pictures of people that weren't me) I even found a way to create a phone number in the state she lived in so it would seem legit so we could talk on the phone. I created a facebook, twitter and other social media sites too for Cassi to make her seem more realistic.
Within this chat, Robert, The one Cassi became friends with months ago. From another chat, He had become friends with an Apostle Gary from Kentucky. Robert asked Cassi if i would be his and if i would move with him to Kentucky to begin a ministry with him with Gary in Kentucky.
I agreed to all of that and told Robert I would and also told him that my dad would allow me to have his truck to drive down to california and then too Kentucky. (in real life, My dad doesnt own a truck and I dont drive.) So when it came to the day that i told Robert I would begin my trip down to California from Minnesota.
Finally that night i had no other choice but to tell him that cassi didnt exist and that all the plans we made werent going to happen. I crushed him so bad. I ruined his reputation. I have more enemies now then I did before all because I was afraid to trust and to be myself in the first place.
He wanted to commit suicide because of this and so did I. I hate not being me but it seems im always someone that im not. During the months I was Cassi, I was also playing the role of other people, by supporting Robert by being his friend with other people i created, being other victims that he can Cassi could help minister too. It became very chaotic and complexed.
I did tell him who I was, I was on cam, I admitted on cam i am not cassi and yet he found a way to forgive me for what i had done. I began telling him my real story and who I was. Which opened up something i which i hadn't. In my past my father and other people had abused me. He immediately said he was either going to send the state police to my door or was to get in his wheelchair and going to come kill the people that had abused me. I became very scared and our conversation finally came to the point that he if i still loved him. I did have feelings for him but after he said that he was going to begin my family misery i didn't feel the same afterwards. He asked if i would still marry him and he said that if i said no that he would stab himself with his scottish sword between the 3rd and 4th rib on the left side of his body and he would instantly kill himself. So i said yes, just so i wouldn't have to deal with wondering if he would actually do it or not. I also said i would go to be with him in Kentucky but i don't feel right about that anymore.
I cant tell him that i don't want to be his wife because he said he would use that against me to bring my family down and so would the Gary in Kentucky. If i say no to being his wife he will kill himself and then his computer will be taken by police and i would be found to be the cause for him killing himself.
Im looking to find therapy here in my state because this is becoming overwhelming for me and bringing me more into a depressive state, wondering what i should do. I feel i have some sort of identity disorder that is causing me to be someone im not in order to feel safe.
So far i have not made contact with him for a day because im afraid of what he will say to me which will only make my depression that more severe.
Sorry that this is so long but i appreciate those of you who took the time too read it all.
I am sorry that this has happened to you, however, until you are well, I implore you to find ways to guard yourself. I suggest you find support through EA, so that you can get some immediate support until you find the therapy that you are looking for.