Anna - I see you and I hear you. It is hard especially at work when everyone seems to care for themselves and leave you out of it. But you are here at DS and those here certainly see you.

thank you very much. thanks for listening and acknowledging me. that means a lot.

Hi Anna1212!
I get your thread. I have lived with depression for a long time. Life can be so impersonal and it's hard to work with people you don't enjoy being around. Try to find something to enjoy take a walk, listen to your favorite tune, write a story, anything to help you know that YOU LOVE YOU!!! Take care and lots of thoughts of hope.

If people don't see you how you are, how would you like them to see you?

This isn't a rhetorical question; this is a question about perceptions.

How do you perceive yourself and how do you think that others perceive you?

one of the things that bothers me is that the people I work with (mostly men) treat me like I am stupid. I don't think I am stupid. I think a lot of it is chauvinism. People also think I am inexperienced and easily offended by cussing because I am very shy. I am actually not inexperienced or particularly offended by cussing. I am so disgusted with most of the people I work with I don't even want to try to "correct" this and I don't think I could anyway. I just want to get away from them. I think people in groups love to scapegoat someone to make themselves feel better and I think my shyness and differentness make me an easy target.

I can understand that. It will drives you crazy. People call me shy. Because I do not talk much. Not just bothers me. I am angry. Some people used that make me feels bad.

Hi Anna, I am sorry to hear that you feel sad, alone, ignored and bullied. I understand where you are coming from, working in a place full of men and being belittled and discriminated on the basis of our female gender. There are always talks about me by the people at work, mainly gossips and office politics, which I usually ignore and act indifferent. My feeling is: I am required by the company to work, not to indulge in mind-numbing gossips and office politics. I don't give a crap what other people say because in doing so, I would be wasting valuable time in my life that I cannot get back,

Moreover, I cannot indulge in the antics of children, which have nothing to do with my work; since it is extremely tiring to hear the kids complaining or gossiping. The people at work are younger than me. (the boss at least a decade younger), with some young enough to be my children. Even looking at grown men and women behaving badly, makes me feel like looking through the windows of a kindergarten.

Things that you hear that are mindless and unrelated to your work duties, ignore them; try to appease your superiors (like you would to children); and focus on your work. It would be sad if you take problems at work home with you, to create commotions in your family, and making yourself sick over it. Start each day with a smile, and maintain that smile. Hope that you will get better soon. Marie !

Hi Anna,
I’m so sorry to hear that you feel alone and sad. We are here for you. Thank you for sharing your feelings to us.

Your post reminded me of when I was in college. I took up an Engineering degree and I was surrounded with men. There were few women in my class. I studied in the metropolis and it’s really different from the place I grew up. I was shy and introverted. I could not even talk to my classmates unless they initiated the conversation. I thank God that I had a very close friend in my class that I could talk to anytime.

It may be difficult but continue to show your best at work and try not to be affected by your co-workers. If the work environment will remain the same, maybe talking to them will help to get better. Praying for you that things will go well . Please keep us posted.

Hello Anna,

I am also very sorry to hear that you’re going through an especially difficult period in your life right now. One thing that came to mind for me while reading your post was a book my therapist recommended to me called The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. It’s ultimately about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). It’s been very impactful because rather than advising you to tell yourself positive things, it’s based on the premise that it’s best not to try to avoid negative thoughts and feelings, but instead to accept them as part of life and pursue your values and interests in spite of them. There is an element of mindfulness involved; it’s about mindful acceptance rather than useless struggle. It’s about self compassion rather than self esteem. In addition, you may find this TED talk (also recommended by my therapist) to be helpful in your journey:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvtZBUSplr4

Sending warm and positive thoughts your way,
Elisabeth-Rose