Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an A-hole from cutting in at the front. Stay strong brothers and sisters!
27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
33. Even when opportunity knocks, you still have to get off your ass and open the door.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an A-hole from cutting in at the front. Stay strong brothers and sisters!
27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
33. Even when opportunity knocks, you still have to get off your ass and open the door.
1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to publicly humiliate yourself.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
7. I'm out of my mind at the moment, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here - I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I don't understand a damn word you're saying.
10. Ahhh. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision - I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of karma to burn off.
22 Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your cry-baby whiny assed opinion would be?
24. Do I look like a f..ing people person to you?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. Oh, I get it. Like humor. Only different.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without the door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume, but must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is finally done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
40. Wait a minute - I'm just trying to imagine you with a personality.
Originally Posted on 01/28/10, 08:06 pm
To find more jokes, type my username into the search box. There is replication due to postings in other groups and they're labeled as jokes/humor.
1. Its better to sing off key than not to sing at all.
2. Promptness shows respect.
3. You cant avoid offending people from time to time. When you dont mean it, apologize. When you do mean it, accept the consequences.
4. The first person to use the expression Get a life! in any dispute is the loser.
5. The medium is not the message. Those who issue blanket condemnations of any form of communicationbe it TV, tabloids, text messages or blogssimply arent paying attention.
6. The most valuable thing to have is a good reputation, and its neither hard nor expensive to acquire one: Be fair. Be honest. Be trustworthy. Be generous. Respect others.
7. Prejudice and bigotry is hard-wired into us. You cant overcome it until you acknowledge it.
8. Dont be bothered when people dont share your tastes in music, sports, literature, food and fashion. Be glad. Youd never get tickets to anything otherwise.
9. Cough syrup doesnt work.
10. Empathy is the greatest virtue. From it, all virtues flow. Without it, all virtues are an act.
11. The Golden Rule is the greatest moral truth. If you dont believe in it, at least try to fake it.
12. Keeping perspective is the greatest key to happiness. From a distance, even a bumpy road looks smooth.
13. You cant win arguing with police officers or referees, but every so often you can fight City Hall.
14. Its not political correctness that dictates that we try not to insult others beliefs and identities. Its common decency.
15. It may not feel like it, but its good luck when you have people at home and at work who arent afraid to tell you when youre wrong.
16. Its 10 times easier to fall in love than to stay in love. And no matter what the sad songs say about romance, broken hearts do mend.
17. Dont waste your breath proclaiming whats really important to you. How you spend your time says it all.
18. Keeping an open mind is as big a challenge as you get older as keeping a consistent waistline.
19. Its never a shame when you admit you dont know something, and often a shame when you assume that you do.
20. Wounds heal faster under bandages than they do in the open air.
21. Fear of failure is a ticket to mediocrity. If youre not failing from time to time, youre not pushing yourself. And if youre not pushing yourself, youre coasting.
22. Anyone who judges you by the kind of car you drive or shoes you wear isnt someone worth impressing.
23. Grudges are poison. The only antidote is to let them go.
24. If youre in a conversation and youre not asking questions, then its not a conversation, its a monologue.
25. In everyday life, most talent is simply hard work in disguise.
26. Great parents can have rotten kids and rotten parents can have great kids. But even though biology plays a huge role in destiny, thats no excuse to give up or stop trying.
27. Four things that most people think are lame but really are a lot of fun: barn dancing, charades, volleyball and sing-alongs.
28. Two cheap, easy self-improvement projects: Develop a strong handshake and start smiling when you answer the phone.
29. When something that costs less than $200 breaks and its not under warranty and you cant fix it yourself in half an hour, its almost certainly more cost-effective to throw it out.
30. Most folk remedies are nonsense, but zinc really does zap colds.
31. Physical attraction is nice, but shared values and a shared sense of humor are the real keys to lasting love.
32. To keep dental visits regular, schedule your next appointment on your way out from your last appointment.
33. The 10-minute jump start is the best way to get going on a big task youve been avoiding. Set a timer and begin, promising yourself that youll quit after 10 minutes and do something else. The momentum will carry you forward.
34. Laundry day is much easier when all your socks are the same and you dont have to sort them.
35. Candor is overrated. Its hard to unsay what youve said in anger and almost impossible to take back what youve written.
36. Goals that you keep to yourself are just castles on the beach. If youre determined to achieve something, tell people about it and ask them to help you stick with it.
37. Mental illness is as real as diabetes, arthritis or any other disease, and no more disgraceful. Its the stigma thats disgraceful.
38. In crisis or conflict, always think and act strategically. Take time to figure out what the winning outcome is for you, then work toward it.
39. All the stuff you have lying around that youll never want, need, wear or look at again? It just makes it harder to find what you do want, need or intend to wear. File it, donate it or throw it out.
40. Exercise does not take time. Exercise creates time.
41. Almost no one stretches, flosses or gives compliments often enough.
42. It pays to keep handy a list that includes a trusted plumber, electrician, locksmith, appliance repair specialist and heating contractor. When you really need one is no time to start looking.
43. The store-brand jelly, cereal, paper goods, baking supplies and pharmacy products are good enough.
44. When you mess up, fess up. Its the fastest way, if there is one, to forgiveness.
45. When youre not the worst-dressed person at a social event, you have nothing to worry about.
46. Be truthful or be quiet. Lies are hard to keep track of.
47. Your education isnt complete until youve learned to take a hint.
48. Theres a good reason to be secretive about your age. People tend to assume things when they know how old you are. Oh, hes turning 50, they might say, for example, probably full of cranky self-lacerating aphorisms that he thinks qualify as wisdom. (See "Bored, Tubby, Mild," an animated editorial cartoon along these lines)
49. Whatever your passion, pursue it as though your days were numbered. Because they are.
50. Readers love lists. You got to the bottom of this one, didnt you?
(ok, dislike intensly)