Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
This weekend I had to take a exam for a possible job. Since my printer was having trouble, I went to the library to print out the driving directions. it was a good thing I did as my computer crashed. Unfortunately, that had to wait after my exam, which I was already nervous about without worrying about whether my computer was fried. I think I did well on the exam, but I always think the worse.
I went back home and tried to get the computer to work. Windows would start and then crash after the login. Finally, I had to do a complete re-install. Now, while this computer has Windows XP, I was using Windows 98 until last year. So, I'm completely on my own on how to do this. I remember what I knew about XP. Retore Point? Too old and my sister, whose computer this was previously, never bothered to set one up. I was scared I might have to pay someone to do this and I have no money. There's goes my first bottle of Pepsi and started on my second. What my former employer and most people don't have the patience to understand is I can usually figure out machines or computers given time. I'm called upon my family to assemble things as I'm able to figure out and understand instructions be they written or diagramed only. Finagle here and finagle there and I managed to access the backup hard drive on the computer and re-install XP. I spent the next few hours re-installing all my programs. Update, restart, update, restart countless times.
Then, my router stops tonight. With the re-install, my computer wasn't recognized by it for some reason. Reset, reconnect and fail. Again several times. I pop in the router CD and keep getting a "Ethernet Cable Not Connected" error message. Uhm, it is and the modem works. Great, now I need a new router. Retry, retry, unplug, retry sevral times and finally it recognizes the router, sets it up and I'm back online...after 2 hours.
In between this chaos, I took time to buy some fish food for my betta. As I waited in line, I noticed a woman in the next check-out lane. I'd say she was maybe early-to-mid 20s, petite and brunette...basically what I found attractive way back (I had to stop myself from dwelling on her body too much right there). I didn't even noticed it was my turn in line. I've mentioned how my sex drive seems to increase when I'm depressed as I have less control over it as I'm trying to deal with the depression. Resources get diverted, so to speak. This situation only adds to my depression as I feel I'm objectifying women and judging them by appearance, which I don't like to do. A long nap after the program re-install helped bury these thoughts back into the corner of my mind. Hopefully, it stays there. If only I could pull it out, put it in concrete, drop it into Challenger Deep with some depth charges.
I drank 2 bottle of 2-liter Pepsi after all this was done. I know my problems here are probably minor, but my mind exagerrates them to a large scale. It comes close to feeling suicidal as it reminds me that I'm a failure. If I screw up this, I shouldn't be surprised I screw up everything else. Unfortunately, while my computer and internet are now fixed, I still await my exam results, which I won't get for 3 weeks. It's Scantron! One could score the exam right then and there in the room after the exam.
Well, I'm getting drowsy, so I'm off. Maybe I'll have a dream where things are slightly better. The last one I remembered had me, a stranger and Zooey Deschanel eating lunch at a restaurant counter. That's it, just eating. No talking or anything, except for Zooey motioning for the ketchup. I don't know.....
I went back home and tried to get the computer to work. Windows would start and then crash after the login. Finally, I had to do a complete re-install. Now, while this computer has Windows XP, I was using Windows 98 until last year. So, I'm completely on my own on how to do this. I remember what I knew about XP. Retore Point? Too old and my sister, whose computer this was previously, never bothered to set one up. I was scared I might have to pay someone to do this and I have no money. There's goes my first bottle of Pepsi and started on my second. What my former employer and most people don't have the patience to understand is I can usually figure out machines or computers given time. I'm called upon my family to assemble things as I'm able to figure out and understand instructions be they written or diagramed only. Finagle here and finagle there and I managed to access the backup hard drive on the computer and re-install XP. I spent the next few hours re-installing all my programs. Update, restart, update, restart countless times.
Then, my router stops tonight. With the re-install, my computer wasn't recognized by it for some reason. Reset, reconnect and fail. Again several times. I pop in the router CD and keep getting a "Ethernet Cable Not Connected" error message. Uhm, it is and the modem works. Great, now I need a new router. Retry, retry, unplug, retry sevral times and finally it recognizes the router, sets it up and I'm back online...after 2 hours.
In between this chaos, I took time to buy some fish food for my betta. As I waited in line, I noticed a woman in the next check-out lane. I'd say she was maybe early-to-mid 20s, petite and brunette...basically what I found attractive way back (I had to stop myself from dwelling on her body too much right there). I didn't even noticed it was my turn in line. I've mentioned how my sex drive seems to increase when I'm depressed as I have less control over it as I'm trying to deal with the depression. Resources get diverted, so to speak. This situation only adds to my depression as I feel I'm objectifying women and judging them by appearance, which I don't like to do. A long nap after the program re-install helped bury these thoughts back into the corner of my mind. Hopefully, it stays there. If only I could pull it out, put it in concrete, drop it into Challenger Deep with some depth charges.
I drank 2 bottle of 2-liter Pepsi after all this was done. I know my problems here are probably minor, but my mind exagerrates them to a large scale. It comes close to feeling suicidal as it reminds me that I'm a failure. If I screw up this, I shouldn't be surprised I screw up everything else. Unfortunately, while my computer and internet are now fixed, I still await my exam results, which I won't get for 3 weeks. It's Scantron! One could score the exam right then and there in the room after the exam.
Well, I'm getting drowsy, so I'm off. Maybe I'll have a dream where things are slightly better. The last one I remembered had me, a stranger and Zooey Deschanel eating lunch at a restaurant counter. That's it, just eating. No talking or anything, except for Zooey motioning for the ketchup. I don't know.....
I hate computer problems & sometimes get a bit manic trying to fix them & I'm not even bipolar!
I do not think there is anything wrong about seeing an hot chick & having sexual thoughts about her & not sure why you do but that is your feelings - respected.
Hugs :)