I know it feels like a quick fix to binge and then throw up, but it really isn't. Trust me, it gets worse and I really wouldn't wish an eating disorder on anyone. It just helps to make depression far worse as it takes away the little strength you have left.

A better way to deal with it is to do something physical like take up running or dancing. You then have to look after yourself so that you can keep doing it. It's hard to start it at first, I used to get severe anxiety about even leaving the house, but it makes you feel SO much better, even if it's just for a short time.

I hope you manage to find a better outlet, if you need someone to talk to then I should be around x(hugs)x

I think I understand what you're going through. It truly sounds like self harming, used to feel something, anything else besides crushing depression. Isn't it strange how our minds can ping from one pain to another. I'm thinking about all my painful distractions throughout the years, they don't make sense at all. I'd say about 10 years ago I had this epiphany, for me anyway, it was "be my own best friend", I found my inner child and embraced that pure love. It opened up a different point of view in my mind. Of course it didn't make my depression disappear, but it's helped me to look for ways to change my thoughts that don't add to the pain I'm already feeling.
Please don't hurt yourself this way. Please don't let this pain add to the pain you're already in. Purge with words written here. Try to make sense of the world in your head and the one outside of it without causing yourself more pain. You're so young, you're gonna need that pretty smile for a long, long time, don't barf that all up.
Sending you peace and love

Hi, I agree with finding something physical to do if you can start out just walking it seems to boost your mood at least in my case it has helped with the pain of depression. Bingeing and purging is a vicious cycle and can lead to many other health problems please discuss with your Doctor as soon as possible. If you need to talk just let me know I'll be here if you need someone to talk to. Blessings

I have a history of binge eating disorder as well. I even read up on it in a textbook and asked my friend who was a nutritionist in training about it. She said it wasn't a real eating disorder. A lot of people actually said that. That was a decade ago and the tide has changed thankfully. I now know that it was a legitimate eating disorder . And I did go through a short period of time where I would binge and then throw up . At that time I had someone around to help me and tell me that I was seeking relief and hurting myself at the same time. She was right. It's going to physically hurt you in the end if you keep doing it. I stopped . I think I did it for about as long as you have give or take . Ultimately I had weight-loss surgery but the urge rears its ugly head when I am feeling my worst physically and emotionally. The only difference now is I don't have the option of taking pleasure in binge eating the way I did before. My stomach is only 1/3 of the size it once was . Priority now is stabilizing your bipolar/depression and talking to a therapist / nutrition counselor about how to handle food the right way go to your doctor, get the right medication which may mean a different dosage or new medication. stop this now before it becomes a real habit and it will become one quickly if it isn't nipped in the bud.