I know how you feel, if I lost my job I'd be homeless. It could happen soon.
Good thing you got another chance at your job, hope the therapy helps.

Are you on FLMA? It is a 12 week program, it means you can miss up ot 12 weeks of work and they are not allowed to fire you, get on to you or decrease you job, You can use it here and there, you don't have to use all 12 weeks at one time, Just make sure you don't go over 12 weeks total in one year. They ca n not deny you FLMA. Ask you supervision or personnel department about it. I would go to personnel first, All of this depends on whether or not you are an American citizen. Good luck with it.

I was under FLMA the last 7 years that I worked. If not, I would have been under the same circumstance as you.

I know exactly how you feel. I have been through all these once, just a slight difference, they didn't had to terminate me, I quit myself because I was too depressed even to live. Later on I realized how foolish that was and after much struggle and after more than a year I landed an entry level job and am grateful that I got a job at least. You are not going to lose your job. Sometimes hard times brings the best out of you. When you are the sole person who has control over your attendance and job performance, you don't have to worry about losing your job.You are gonna do well, If an incompetent person like me( you are born with certain skills and you acquire certain others through experience, I have only the one's I had acquired) could do that, definitely anyone else can do far better. Meditation helped me out and maybe if you want you can give it a try. It helped me to stay focused. Please dont give up. This will pass sooner than you think. All of us in DS are here to support you.

No, I'm not on FMLA. I could be wrong but I thought a person did not get paid while being off for FMLA unless they had leave to cover it, which I do not.
It's a wakeup call for me. They have been more than supportive the last few years as I had one personal problem after another. I am a year to year employee. They didnt have to give me another chance. They could have fired me on the spot. The type of position I have does not have any kind of job protection at all. They have been truly patient.
Yes, so many times I've wanted to just quit, but I've done something like that before when I was much younger. I've gotten enough control over depression to not let it drive me to that again.

Please make it to your therapy appointment. You need that appt more now then ever. Let us know how much it helps too. I don't believe you are sabotaging yourself. That is what depression does to many of us. We just can't find it in us to function and it really doesn't mean we are trying to hurt what we have. Are you able to talk to your boss? Does this person know what you go through? It is called a disability for a reason and they cannot discriminate against you. Both you and Heretic fight the good fight and know we are here to help you get through the hard times so you don't lose your jobs. Lots of hugs GB

Therapy does seem to help. I go once a week and I can usually tell when I have missed a session. My office does know. I work for a university and I am able to go to the counseling center once a week and it doesnt cost anything.
The last few years were nightmares: My mom died, my dad went in to dementia, pets died, husband left me, dad died,.....They have all been very supportive all these years. They have changed my duties a couple of times to try and help me and because I was dropping the ball. They never SAY that, but I know. They really have bent over backwards for me. We are getting ready to change software and it's going to be a crucial thing. Everyone is going to need to be on their toes. They didnt say this to me, but I know. I do feel I have taken advantage. Many times if I can only GET myself there I feel better.