For those of us who have gone through what you are going through right now, we hear you and support you. The key word that you have repeated is "tired". You have gotten to a point to where you can't see a way out but there is a way out. Your situation is like so many women who give and give and give with this idea that the people around you will see it and help out or give back. The truth is you are not the energizer bunny and you do not keep going and going and going. Stop trying to do for everyone else. Allow your mind to rest. Don't underestimate the power of true rest. Your husband will never understand what you are going through no matter how many times you express it and the more you continue to express it, the more tired you become.

I've been at that point of wanting to end it all and I have tried to do it. But I am still here and I am better. You will get there too. It will take time but you have to learn to do things that will rejuvenate yourself, no matter how small the rejuvenation is.

I just had to smile when I read this. Yes that is me The Energizer Bunny. I keep going and going and going.........make a mess I will clean it up,,,,,,,,,,,make a bad decision I can fix it. Things not going as planned its me to the rescue. But that said........it isn't about my husband (who like I said is really stepping up) its about me not being able to control the fear and the panic and the overwhelming sense of doom and the fear of failure and the worry about my failing mind and body.
There has just been so much stress and pressure for so many years now that I am weak. So very weak and I need to rest. Which I can't do here.
Thank you so much for your response it pretty much hit the nail on the head.

I'm in the same state as you are. I have wanted to just quit my job ,take my little bit of retirement cash and run. I am not married,sometimes wish I were just to have someone to lean on. I have absolutely no one to count on. Repeated Prayers are what I am surviving on right now. Isn't it just awful the feelings of despair and being sooo tired. Ive been working crazy hours just for some quiet time. But then phone calls for start. Drama, complaints, arguments etc. If I find a magic way or a real way to get through this , I will share it. Just know you are not alone with how you are feeling. We will get through this stage .

Lol. You haven't come to the end of your rope, you've come to the logical conclusion of the way you live, and it doesn't work. You've hit the brick wall at the end of the cul-de-sac and it's time to stop trying to bash your head against it. :D

You say it's all you can do to stop yourself from

(a) going to bed (and presumably resting); or
(b) killing yourself.

So do you consider both those ideas to be covalent? I mean... resting is as bad as killing yourself? One of these things is not like the other.... :D :D

Why refuse to go to bed? You're hitting the point where the alternative is killing yourself, but still going to bed is a bad thing?

Your picture's upside down. Go to bed and don't get up till you're better. Yes that's 2 weeks. Do it. that or go to the seaside and live in a caravan for a week or a month. Sure, you'll panic and cry. But without new emotional experiences coming in you will be able to process some of the backlog. You are blocking yourself emotionally by staying too busy to have to deal with things. Creating an emotional logjam that gets bigger, and bigger, and bigger and requires more and more energy to keep it at bay. Go to bed. Let the dam break. Just stay somewhere physically safe and away from socialising while you do it.

Look at the big picture. You have maybe 50 yrs life left to go, so invest 2 weeks of that life in decompressing. Maybe a month. Maybe 2 months. It doesn't really matter. You have to change before you break. And it's getting close to the crunch.

You say you can't rest here. I put it to you that you can't keep on like this either, and if the third choice is the bottle of pills, then it's pretty damn clear what you need to do.