I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I am drowning, feel like I am just going through the day so it can end. I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel and I am not sure I ever will. I passed my boards which was a big trigger of depression and suicidal thoughts for me but didn't get to enjoy it and those thoughts have never gone away. I thought I would be happy and happy to start my job but I am not and don't like where I am. I am not confident, don't think I ever will be, feel like I am drowning at work and feel like nothing and none is helping. It seems like work is more of a burden and trigger of how screwed up and stupid I am then something that I enjoy even if I am getting paid. I also feel alone, I lost alot of friends including a BFF of 13 years and feel so lonely its unbearable. And the friends I do have aren't treating me like they care lately. I honestly feel like none would care if I wasn't here. I just go to work and come home and sleep. If I didn't have work I would not get up in the morning or out of bed at all. I just don't know what to do. I feel lost and don't have much more to give.