I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I am drowning, feel like I am just going through the day so it can end. I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel and I am not sure I ever will. I passed my boards which was a big trigger of depression and suicidal thoughts for me but didn't get to enjoy it and those thoughts have never gone away. I thought I would be happy and happy to start my job but I am not and don't like where I am. I am not confident, don't think I ever will be, feel like I am drowning at work and feel like nothing and none is helping. It seems like work is more of a burden and trigger of how screwed up and stupid I am then something that I enjoy even if I am getting paid. I also feel alone, I lost alot of friends including a BFF of 13 years and feel so lonely its unbearable. And the friends I do have aren't treating me like they care lately. I honestly feel like none would care if I wasn't here. I just go to work and come home and sleep. If I didn't have work I would not get up in the morning or out of bed at all. I just don't know what to do. I feel lost and don't have much more to give.
The Fall semester ended December 8th and I'm one step closer to achieving my academic goals. Nevertheless, as of lately I've been an emotional wreck and feel like a failure, I'm so lonely it hurts, I'm 33 years-old and have never had a boyfriend, never, and I feel as though I'm running out time. I have been crying and longing a lot over the past few days, and for what? I know that I will never...