Thank you for sharing. The courage to post this is inspiring to me. That is more proof that you are important. Getting help is nothing to be ashamed of. A Counselor or a Doctor can be of great help. We live with those dark clouds, and they can become so thick that we feel like we are drowning. It is finding help to thin out those clouds and even let in rays of light. My greatest help is my faith. Some people don't understand nor want to understand what life with depression is like. That is why it is good to find people who do understand or want to. You are more then worth it. I am a Christian, so you are in my prayers. Thank you.

I'm wondering if you are on meds? You should be proud of passing your boards (at the same time, I am thinking maybe your career choice with medical field may have been influenced by your feelings of things being "off" in your own life.) The fact that you now have all this knowledge and understanding but don't feel miraculously cured and normal may be upsetting you.

Please forgive me here as I have no room to talk here as I have no medical background . I was just thinking out loud.

My hope is that you may reach out...maybe talk with a counselor or therapist...see if they think or would prescribe a med and also help you to come to realize you are a very bright young woman with alot to live for. You know (as do I) just how depression, bipolar disorder, ptsd, anxiety or any combination of them can completely derail and ruin our lives if left untreated or undealt with.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. (When you do feel like no one understands or that you are alone......there are usually others here who also feel the same. Sometimes there is strength in numbers)

I have tried a counselor and medication and neither one has helped. And veggiequeen choosing my career was not because of that a lot of people in my family are in the med field and I have wanted to do that for years......so......I don't appreciate that comment.

Please forgive me...I meant nothing by it.....was just thinking out loud.

Thanks for your post and your openness. I appreciate your strength. It’s understandable, that depression is very hard. But, I see you are fighting this and this is all that matters. No, you don’t deserve this, but you have the strength to get through it. I know that your life is worth the fight. Please don’t hurt yourself in any way. Congratulations on your accomplishments. Sometimes with success we may not feel confident. We have to give it time to find what it is we want to do or should be doing. This can be normal as well and you are not alone in any of this. I see that you can look for a career that makes you happy while at the current career. I know the current position is stressful. I see you may can work on some work goals to reduce the stress and to complete tasks. Also, talk to others about sharing responsibilities if possible depending on position. It does get tough sometimes but try to have a positive mindset during work and other times and this will help you get through. We are here to support you. If you need someone to talk with; The Samaritans it’s a 24-hour confidential hotline at (212) 673-3000. I’m praying for you! Please see if any of this helps. 1. Take a time-out- Practice yoga, listen to music, meditate, get a massage, learn relaxation techniques..Stepping back from problems helps clear your head.
2.Slowly count to 10- Repeat and count to 20 if necessary.
3.Give back to your community- Volunteer. This creates a support network and gives you a break from everyday stress.
4.Talk to someone-vent and let them know you need help. Friends, family, doctor, therapist, pastor
5.Eat well-balanced meals- Do not skip meals and eat energy boosting snacks.
6.Take deep breathes- Inhale and exhale slowing throughout the day when you are feeling stressed.
7.Write in a journal

Additionally, if you feel like this in the future. There is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). It’s a 24- hour confidential hotline. They can talk to you when you feel this way and help with preventive measures.