I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I am drowning, feel like I am just going through the day so it can end. I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel and I am not sure I ever will. I passed my boards which was a big trigger of depression and suicidal thoughts for me but didn't get to enjoy it and those thoughts have never gone away. I thought I would be happy and happy to start my job but I am not and don't like where I am. I am not confident, don't think I ever will be, feel like I am drowning at work and feel like nothing and none is helping. It seems like work is more of a burden and trigger of how screwed up and stupid I am then something that I enjoy even if I am getting paid. I also feel alone, I lost alot of friends including a BFF of 13 years and feel so lonely its unbearable. And the friends I do have aren't treating me like they care lately. I honestly feel like none would care if I wasn't here. I just go to work and come home and sleep. If I didn't have work I would not get up in the morning or out of bed at all. I just don't know what to do. I feel lost and don't have much more to give.
I do not want to wake up tomorrow morning. I do not want to go to PE where I will be proven to be a dweeb who cannot run to save their life. I don't want to deal with the bull that everyone at school puts me through, the "comidic" jokes about effing suicide. Im sorry, but who raised them to believe that someone taking their own life is funny? I don't know, but who ever it was, they need a lesson....
Im not really sure what to do anymore... I'm just so exhausted... i just want this to be over.