Anyone willing to lend some insight?

I've struggled with depression on and off for a long time, it's a chronic condition for me.  I have good times and bad times. I used to go to a support group with a coach, who quit a long time ago. He has come back to do zoom support groups during the pandemic. He is cool, and pretty popular with a lot of people.  I think I have changed, though, and in some ways I find him ineffective and in a passive way, harmful?  He is not a professional counselor but has a life-coach background.  He helped me after I came out of the hospital during unemployment at the time of the recession around 2008.  And here we go again with that...

He quit later on, I coached with him at that time for about two years.  It seemed with the issue of domestic violence that I was going through, he just could not handle it.  Ironically when he quit, and a coach in the community stepped up to take his place, she pushed me forward fast and insisted that I leave my abuse situation, and my life improved dramatically. He never did that. In retrospect, I often wondered while there was a "feel good" element to his groups, whether I or other people were truly making progress.

One of the things that I did when I got the stimulus money was a had a session via skype with a psychotherapist-an expert in her field. Within one hour, I was so amazed at how he was able to target and identify so many things. When I told her the severe physical abuse I went through in the past and the trouble with current relationships I have. She said, "You really need to revisit and make sense of what happened, and realize that anger is helpful in moving past or not allowing others to abuse you."

I had never thought about that, but I realized when I finally left my abuser for good after years and years, it was because, actually, I got so angry I put a complete end to all of his threats. My life was even in danger.  I also don't think holding on to anger and rage constantly is a good idea and to live that way is really destructive.  

(I also have a regular therapist)

I've been going to the coach's groups weekly online as this pandemic just drags on and on...but I've noticed something interesting. I see it differently now. He had been on hiatus for like four years. He admits at the beginning of every meeting lately that he has issues with his temper and curses, etc.  He doesn't realize that I actually drove past him one day and saw him flipping out in his car.  I've also noticed he makes comments "on my anger" every time I go to the zoom meeting.  Oddly, I'm not feeling really angry when I'm sharing. Mostly sad about what is going on. People who know me and my therapist have never told me that I need to do something about my anger. It just seems strange. I know when I get depressed it actually looks like I'm angry and can seem that way to people, but what's odd about the group is when I talk about what's bothering me (being unemployed and still on lockdown) he seems to get critical, and just tells me to be grateful.  I don't know...there was a lady there who was wronged by a doctor-he actuallly was hurting her. She had a frozen shoulder and he messed up, not treating her and hurting her worse. The coach responded with this 'happy happy response' and said, smiling, "feel grateful for your other shoulder." That didn't make a lot of sense. Wouldn't it make sense to be upset if a medical practitioner hurt you and you would want to do something about it?

I almost wonder because of what strikes me as a passive approach...to basically everything...is why I stayed in abuse for so long. As I look back, I realized that after a while our conversations were ineffective and it wasn't until someone else stepped in and demanded that I pull myself out of abuse, that things really changed. And that involved some SEVERE discomfort and anger.  Not permanent, though. My current therapist doesn't act like this...if I tell her something bad happened she helps me see how I can work to get past the bad feeling and take Action to change for the better (cognitive behavioral).  She doesn't try to shut me up and say, "ok there is your anger again."

Ironically, him telling me this...actually does make me angry. It reminded me of when my dad was beating me and said, "you have an anger problem." I also think he's kind of a hypocrite because he talks about his own times when he goes off on rages. He says I use anger to protect myself...I believe that is the idea, isn't it supposed to keep the wrong people at bay?  I mean negative feelings can be crucial infomation as to what you are encountering in day to day life. 

Of course, if you are bitter and angry all the time, yes you will ruin your life, but I've witnessed him talking to others and it seems somewhat irrational or even outrageous to just 'sit there and be grateful, namaste' on every little thing, when you probably should not be. If I was the coach, I would counsel the person to use her discomfort and upset to be assertive and confront the doctor and seek remedy-and another doctor. I wouldn't tell her to be grateful for her other shoulder.  It's sort of like, "I know I'm beating you almost to death, just be grateful for when I'm not."