I'm homeschooled and not aloud a socail media or anything. I'm taking a risk on here. I don't get out and the only other people I'm around is my family, if you could call it that. My mom is constantly trying to mold me to her ideal, but the problem is we don't see alike at all. I feel unwelcome in my own house. I'm stuck in a never ending loop, I go to bed exausted from fighting my demons all day only to wake up the next and wonder if I'll finaly succumb to my own subconcious or not. 

My mom constantly talks about how miserable she is and how she wishes she would even die sometimes, and I feel that maybe it's me. Maybe if I were gone, she would smile again, maybe my younger siblings would get along, maybe my parents wouldn't argue. 

Honestly, there hasn't been a day in two weeks when I didn't look at the bottle of pain medication and think, "it could be all over."