I'm glad you went.

The purpose of al-anon is to help you to understand the disease and deal with it's effects on you. Unfortunately, you cannot cure or help an alcoholic as the first step for them is admitting that they have a problem. I'm not religious, but I do believe in the Serenity Prayer....accept the things you cannot change.

You can feel sorry for them without letting them destroy your life. Until they are ready to get help, there is nothing you can do except keep your distance for your own good.

I am so very proud of and pleased for you!!!! I've been away for several weeks now, and to come back on and see this posst of yours really puts a giant smile on my face, b/c it was a brave act of self-care you just took. That's thrilling news!

I struggled with the compassion question, too. Hmm, maybe past tense is too optimistic! *laugh* But it doesn't mean we have to get to a point where we say "hey, that's okay what they did/do." I find that connecting to compassion in my heart is the very thing, ironically, lets me say, "gee, that's rough for you" or "I understand that we feel different about this" -- while at the same time also ending those phrases with "but that doesn't mean that I'm supposed to let you walk over me or screw up my life."

I don't think that compassion and forgiveness are the same thing. And I think that when you get to that place of compassion, the issue of forgiveness becomes far less relevant. I know that sounds weird and I know I'm not expressing myself very clearly - sorry 'bout that, sweetie!

I guess the short of it is that compassion, to me, is the tool/feeling you can get to that let's you live in the world that also houses crazy and mean without going nuts yourself. Foregiveness is nice, but all is not lost if you can't get there.

And the great thing about compassion is that, while I've been practicing experiencing it for others, I've found a lot more for myself, too! I wish that for you -- you're so awesome.

well i thought 1500 miles was far enough, but the irony is my mother called twice before I went and I didn't answer because I would have just yelled at her because I was being made to go to al-anon. And then she called twice during the meeting and the last voicemail was her feeble plea for me to call her because something is wrong with my brother (also an addict and off his meds.) And the first thing I thought was that it was just a trap. That makes me feel sick. He has been to rehab and she was locked down in rehab and I am the one to save the world?! I just got introduced to the program.

WAY TO GO GIRL!!! I AM SOOOO PROUD OF YOU!!

I am happy for you that you went to a meeting!
Here's my opinion and advice, for what it's worth :)
The only person you can control is yourself.You don't know how to forgive your family, that's okay. Begin with having compassion for YOU; forgive yourself. They don't give a rat's ass about you, okay, but YOU can. And aren't you the most important person in your life? Work to help yourself, and perhaps what you do will help them also.
Blessings,
Star )O(

Awesome -- you made it. I agree with PaganChild, you don't have to forgive your family. Al-Anon is about learning about the disease and how to take care of yourself. If forgiveness happens then fine. If not, that's your business no one else's. Healing is a process anyway and you just took a huge step.

I love Al-Anon. It gave me so many tools for living more sanely. I'm still crazy, but at least I have the tools. lol.

Sound like you just need to let yourself be really pissed off at all the abusive alcoholics in your life.