Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hi All,
Well, this is awkward. Hell, here it goes.
I'm trying to maintain No contact with my Ex for the last 6 months. The thing is, I just can't. And my life is stuck. I don't talk to her for 1 month and then she calls and its so good to hear her voice, only that she's not the same person anymore.
I'm 22, and my ex is 24. We were in a happy relationship since Dec 2011. It was lots of love, kisses, hugging and talking. we were madly in love, and had planned out our life for the next 10 years. we planned to have 1 kid, adopt another and grow old together. Everything was perfect. We were planning a trip together to Manali (Hill Station in India) in July 2014 to celebrate my b'day together. And 1 fine day on 26th May, she just calls me out of the blue and tells me that she's getting married without her consent on 10th July. Damn! we talked all night long on 25th and I didn't had a clue this was coming. I get 2 options, to leave her or to run away with her. She said she can't fight her parents, won't go to police. With a job in a corporate and my family to think about, I couldn't just run away. And being an Indian, there are a lot of possible repercussions if you do run away (honor killings are prone where she comes from). I tried talking to everyone, her friends, family, to be husband but to no avail. In the end, I celebrated my b'day with my Dad as the (expensive)tickets were booked.
Now its just unbearable. I try to be strong but it just doesn't happen. I'm not a very social person, so no hanging out with friends (I desperately tried clubbing and hanging out, but it just isn't me.). The thought that I didn't hold her hand when she needed it the most is eating me up from the inside. She tries to be nice whenever she calls but she blames me, and she'll never forgive me,just because I listened to my brain and not my heart. All I can feel is the helplessness. And I feel useless.
I can see that my life is getting wasted in front of my eyes as the last year just flew by. She came into my life when I was at my worst in 2011, right after my mother died of cancer. She just loved me and I her. She helped me quit smoking and reduce drinking, and just stopped me from going in a very bad path. I owe so much to her, but when she cried out for help, I just sat down and watched, powerless.
I want to do something, really want to change my life for better, really want to go to the next chapter, but I just don't have the courage to do it. I don't even know what I want from her anymore. I see her everywhere, asleep or awake. I don't want to spoil her married life, so I keep my distance. Hell, complicated is a huge understatement for my feelings.
I'm depressed, I can't do anything, I can't make myself want to do anything, its just a sad and lonely life and I'm continuing to age, closer to my deathbed. I fear that I won't be able to anything good with my life now, which is terrifying me, because what I tell myself is that career is the reason I didn't run away with her. As per the last book I read, I'm 50 shades of fucked-up.
Uhh... I know I'm just typing up shit, and I really am facing a hard time pressing the submit button, but here it goes. I really hope letting it out helps me, as nothing else has until now.
Well, this is awkward. Hell, here it goes.
I'm trying to maintain No contact with my Ex for the last 6 months. The thing is, I just can't. And my life is stuck. I don't talk to her for 1 month and then she calls and its so good to hear her voice, only that she's not the same person anymore.
I'm 22, and my ex is 24. We were in a happy relationship since Dec 2011. It was lots of love, kisses, hugging and talking. we were madly in love, and had planned out our life for the next 10 years. we planned to have 1 kid, adopt another and grow old together. Everything was perfect. We were planning a trip together to Manali (Hill Station in India) in July 2014 to celebrate my b'day together. And 1 fine day on 26th May, she just calls me out of the blue and tells me that she's getting married without her consent on 10th July. Damn! we talked all night long on 25th and I didn't had a clue this was coming. I get 2 options, to leave her or to run away with her. She said she can't fight her parents, won't go to police. With a job in a corporate and my family to think about, I couldn't just run away. And being an Indian, there are a lot of possible repercussions if you do run away (honor killings are prone where she comes from). I tried talking to everyone, her friends, family, to be husband but to no avail. In the end, I celebrated my b'day with my Dad as the (expensive)tickets were booked.
Now its just unbearable. I try to be strong but it just doesn't happen. I'm not a very social person, so no hanging out with friends (I desperately tried clubbing and hanging out, but it just isn't me.). The thought that I didn't hold her hand when she needed it the most is eating me up from the inside. She tries to be nice whenever she calls but she blames me, and she'll never forgive me,just because I listened to my brain and not my heart. All I can feel is the helplessness. And I feel useless.
I can see that my life is getting wasted in front of my eyes as the last year just flew by. She came into my life when I was at my worst in 2011, right after my mother died of cancer. She just loved me and I her. She helped me quit smoking and reduce drinking, and just stopped me from going in a very bad path. I owe so much to her, but when she cried out for help, I just sat down and watched, powerless.
I want to do something, really want to change my life for better, really want to go to the next chapter, but I just don't have the courage to do it. I don't even know what I want from her anymore. I see her everywhere, asleep or awake. I don't want to spoil her married life, so I keep my distance. Hell, complicated is a huge understatement for my feelings.
I'm depressed, I can't do anything, I can't make myself want to do anything, its just a sad and lonely life and I'm continuing to age, closer to my deathbed. I fear that I won't be able to anything good with my life now, which is terrifying me, because what I tell myself is that career is the reason I didn't run away with her. As per the last book I read, I'm 50 shades of fucked-up.
Uhh... I know I'm just typing up shit, and I really am facing a hard time pressing the submit button, but here it goes. I really hope letting it out helps me, as nothing else has until now.
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Do you think anxiety is genetic or comes from your environment? What are your thoughts?
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Many of you know Mr K told me to "shut your mouth" in March 2025 when we took a road trip to Alpena Michigan. Since that time, we have had lots of ups and downs but I have never intentionally hurt Mr K in anyway. And when we first started dating in 2024 he let me know, although he is an engineer by degree, he has an extremely low EQ. Overall, he is ok (not off the charts nice like other guys in...
I really wish it were that simple. I do not want to be romantically involved with her anymore, and honestly I can't be friends with her as well.
But she wants us to be friends. The idea of being just friends is something I'm unable to digest. Alright, that makes me a jerk, but I can't be friends with her.
Maybe the calls cease with time, but I don't know how I'm gonna fill this giant hole in me. Its making me depressed, and it is sapping out all the confidence I have. I can't perform in office, I don't feel like doing anything new. In short, I can't do what most people suggest, "Get a Life."
Life is just passing away. Can you or anyone suggest me some things I can do, anything. As I said, I'm not a very social person, so I feel more awkward than relieved in clubs and all. I've joined a gym and that helps a bit. But beyond that, nothing.
I think you need to forgive yourself for the decision you made. There is no guarantee running away with her would have turned out any better. You made the best decision for your future.
It's not fair that she blames you. Her parents are the ones who put her in the awful situation. She also was not willing to fight her parents and/or go to the cops. She has to accept her own responsibility in this instead of blame it all on you.
You are so young. Please don't worry about your deathbed. You have such a long time before you are there. You have plenty of time to do good with your life.
Have you ever thought about seeking professional help for your depression? Maybe a therapist can help you sort through your feelings and help you begin to move on.
This is acceptable in the culture in question.
To anyone who ... while within the culture, finds it beyond acceptance, .. they need to exit that culture in favor of one more suitable.
I realize it is not simple .. but the problem is not simple. Unless you are inclined toward martyrdom, you are not likely to change the culture.
I would not live in one where honor killing, arranged marriage, dowry, etc is practiced.
You and she have two choices (may be too late for her) ... live within the culture or leave it.
MY culture is not perfect, but if it got 'bad enough', I would do a 'gone' in a heartbeat.
"I do not want to be romantically involved with her anymore, and honestly I can't be friends with her as well. "
Under the circumstances .. that is a very good idea ... particularly with regard to HER SAFETY. It is ONE of the two choices you have.
I don't know if she's happy or not. At least she says she is happy.
God knows I've been trying to forgive myself. I wish there was a bloody forgive yourself button somewhere.
Hell yes, she should take responsibility. she's an adult as well. But apparently, she is handling this pretty well. for heaven's sake, she has got a husband and a family to talk to, while I only have this group.
I'm having two minds about seeking professional help. If it is possible, I want to recover on my own (not a money or availability issue, but ego maybe). Still, I'm thinking about it, now more than ever.
Lol, is there any way I can change my username? I realize that my choice of username is horrendous.
Thanks everyone. I feel a little better just letting it out and you guys have been very supportive.
I misspelled my username and had no problem changing it.
You are in a sticky situation and all I can do is send hugs of support.
(((HUGS!!!)))
I'm confused: How is this your fault? Sounds like it's her parents' and the Indian culture's fault. Sounds like you held her hand plenty! I guess you're feeling guilty because you didn't just "run off with her", but you're right about the repercussions. Life is tough over there in India. I don't understand that arranged-marriage culture, except that I know it largely comes down to money, which sucks, but it's obviously the way it is. I guess the other guy's financial prospects were better. Don't let the girl blame you and continue to do a number on your head and heart. Yes, I don't think you can even be friends with her at this point.
Move to the US or even the UK. You'll find the culture and the women a bit more free. Women in the US can be mighty gold-digging, but at least they don't have their parents telling them who they can and can't marry.
Well, it isn't about financial status, I'm doing okay there. In India, it's the caste system. You cannot just go and marry a person of other caste.
People should use a caste filter before falling in love, and my fault is that didn't. I'm a bit open, thanks to my city-life upbringing and I don't believe in the bullshit. The problem was that everyone else in my scene did.
Moving to a foreign country is indeed something I'm working on. Thank you. discussing my problem here is really helping me change my perspective about my break-up.
http://www.dailystrength.org/content/view/1853007#change_name
Chances are, she already knows all that rationally, but she just cannot accept the facts emotionally yet. Tell her you are willing to be her friend, but not now. Maybe 1 or 2 years later, when everything has calm down. After sending her the letter, stop all contact. Block her phone number, delete her email, messaging id, facebook etc..
Then, you'll have to take steps to handle your own emotional turmoil. Go out and make lady friends. No need to get romantically involved. Just make some female platonic friends. The more the merrier. If it's just one or two, it's very easy to fall in love (rebound) which may not be a good idea at the moment.
You don't go clubbing, that's fine. You can always join some social activities, sports, hobby clubs etc. and make friends there. If you do that, I'm pretty sure you can get a good handle on your emotions by a year tops, and get over your ex by 2 years max. Who knows, maybe by that time, you'd have found new love from one of those activities you've joined.
All right, that was a song title from long ago, 1973. It is about a fellow who meets his old girlfriend, and she now believes she can be 'friends.'
Just a note, it doesn't work any better in the US than India.