Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

24,601 Members

160,807 Posts

2 Online

abusmc 04/02/2017

So i have alot going on I have cancer, my son has cancer and my wife just left me. waking up every day is becoming harder to do. each day my eyes open i cry becuase i want all the pain to go away. i have complelty lost my self from who i used to be to who i am now. I was a marine and my life had meaning now i'm not in the serivce i feel less of a person becuase i can be what i was. my wife left me and it hurts so bad. she left me for someone else the weekend before i started treatment. so not only am i fighting for my life which at this point death seems like a goal and not somthing i should be trying to beat. i have really bad ptsd and i'm fighting alot of demons in my own head. but trying to figure out what went wrong. I hate feeling like i have zero meaning like i'm worthless. i was happy, we were happy i was sick but i had something to fight for. i'm loosing what i had, HOPE. the amount of pain im in is becoming over welming to the point that i often see exits. like i will be driving and see a bridge or a semi coming in my direction and it would take much to end it. i see escapes and i'm affraid to take them but at the same time thats all i think about. then i think about what would happen when i died what happens. is it more pain is it just nothingness. to many what if's to actually pull it off. then i wonder if people would even know im gone. would they actually show up and remember me for who i used to be and not what i am now. i konw im a mess now but as i said i was something i was somebody. being alone in my home that we bought together and knowing she isn't coming thru the door any more makes me sick. i hate what my life has become. i wish it would just fix it self but i'm not that lucky. I know i'm not alone. but i often here go to the va hospital they have services i'm here to tell you it's crap they think they help but they dont they make you feel worse that your depressed. they make you feel like your wrong for asking for help. thats why there are some many service men and women killing them selves. i think about it everyday the stuff i have seen in my service makes everyday living extremly tough. i want to end it every day. i want to be ok i want to be normal. but i can't be normal ever again. pills do not work for me i take so many pills for cancer and it affects me to the point that i already feel dead anyways.

Scrofula 04/02/2017

Damn, that's a burden. Well, if you need a focus, a battle, I'd say to choose the cancer as enemy.
Don't dwell on your marriage, either. You can never know exactly what's in someone's head.
For pain, do you live in a legal weed area? You might try that.
Yeah, you need a focus to fight, and cancer seems like a good one.

abusmc 04/02/2017

I am not in a legal weed area. i know cancer should be number one but i'm lacking the motivation to fight again. i beat it twice this is my 3rd go. i'm just so tired of fighting and now i'm doing the fight alone. i wasn't ready for this.

Scrofula 04/02/2017

Damn. Is there some kind of goal you can focus on? A personal challenge? I guess it would be tough to train for a marathon on chemo.

abusmc 04/02/2017

yea i can't do any training of any kind how i feel right now. i have a hard time getting out of bed. setting goals have been hard because most of my goals is to just make it another day.

sharaninmd 04/02/2017

First of all I want to thank you for your service for this country. So very sorry for what you are going through. Two years ago I was diagnosed with cancer, had surgery, chemo and radiation. I know the fear of cancer is overwhelming. I feel badly that you have to go through treatment again and I can only imagine what is must be like to go through such a traumatic thing by yourself. You are still the same person that you were while in the military and now you are doing other things. If I were you, I would put my life first and continue to fight the cancer. It will take time for you to adjust to your wife having left you and to being alone. You are in a very vulnerable state right now. Once your treatment is complete and you feel stronger, try to get involved with friends or a support group. You have more to live for than you realize.

Scrofula 04/02/2017

Everybody has trouble setting and making goals. I sure ain't the one to talk (but I will anyway), but maybe ONE challenging goal, to divert all your attention.

sonnycamehome 04/02/2017

Making it through another day is a great goal when you have so much going on. Sometimes all we can do is take things day by day and each day in and of itself is an achievement. Battling cancer when you have so much else going on is an enormous task....if you can break each day down to the bare minimum and simply do what ever it is that needs to get done just to make it through the day, I think you will be accomplishing quite a bit. For now it seems like survival mode is where you're at and there's nothing wrong with that. Deal with issues as they come at you one at a time, and if it's not life threatening, put it on the back burner to be dealt with when you are stronger and healthier.

vico 04/02/2017

You are here and talking, that is a great step! Pleae talk as much as you can and reach out as much as you want. You are not alone. Have you thought about where else you can reach out to? I know you have brother from USMC. Never think you are a burden. I know the pain....but remember how to push through one moment at a time. You can contact me if it ever gets close to too much. You are not alone.

Scrofula 04/02/2017

You're also keeping a journal going. You could bump that up and make it your focus. Add some multimedia or something, as if to publish.

ReaDyO 04/02/2017

I have a suggestion sir. Write a journal look at your struggle as a process, write it all down and know that by writing your struggle you will be aiding others who are going through the same thing you are going through. It is hard, it is hopeless and it is lonely, but you are not alone, write everything down with specificity and intent. You still have purpose, you can still help others. You are a damn warrior you are a fighter, you are a victor and a conqueror, don't you ever forget that. You are forged steel and this will make you stronger. Remember that pain is weakness leaving the body. Stay strong hermano.

forestfreek 04/02/2017

Unfortunately, I have no sage words for you though you've been given some good advice above. Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute - that's how you're going to have to take life right about now. There is no doubt - you are dealing with a VERY crappy situation and no one should have to contend with as much as you have. I'm so very sorry for everything you are going through........
HUGE hugs
Jen

Anna1212 04/02/2017

I'm sorry you are going through so much. I don't know what to say except keep going. that's what my mom always says, just keep going. no matter how awful it is. that helps me some when I feel like giving up.

Rouik 04/03/2017

Thank you for sacrificing so much to serve and protect this country, Like some other have said cancer is your enemy now, fight it with the same intensity and strength you used during your time in the service. You are valuable, and there is hope. Jesus is that hope, let Him carry you while you battle this. Don't give up yet, fight this not only for your sake but also your son. Show him the strength that can come in the face of an seemingly overwhelming adversary. I will be praying for you both, keep your head up.

WanderingVet 04/03/2017

Not tootin' my own whistle. I have a point to make. I am a 100% combat related - PTSD disabled, decorated, US Army/Viet Nam veteran. The point is, .. I will step aside for ANY U S Marine ... all the way down to all the way up the ladder of esteem. The Corps is at the very top of the heap in my book.

As a humble brother to you, you have a Marine sized burden. Like others have said ... it is time for YOU to come first. Like they have said, your health is the first priority. Cancer is ominous but as you know, they have come a LONG way in treatment. There are many CURES happening every day. Please, Sir ... seek out that treatment above all else and whip that cancer enemy's butt.

I would say a failed marriage is as painful as anything else. It is obvious you love her ... sadly, she failed as a Marine's wife. Consider that when you miss her. She is a drop out. Could not cut it. Could not make the grade.

I don't know the details, but I would think your Son needs you with his health problem and I imagine you could use his support. Seems like a fairly symbiotic notion. Encouraging each other just might whip the problem for both of you.

In any case, I am pulling for you. You have a history of BROTHERHOOD and it extends WAY, WAY out. Find what you need within the VA .... yes,... has MANY drawbacks, ... but you EARNED that benefit .. exploit it to the max. While the VA has failed many, ... it has also SAVED many. Hell, .. it the GOVERNMENT so we can assume we know how honked up it can be ... but it DOES SERVE. It is the best thing you have going ... and it CAN be effective.

You message me anytime you care to. I will do anything and everything I can to support you.

Semper Fi ... if I may use that term. I am not and never was a Marine. Too bad for me. They are tops.

mamie1890 04/03/2017

Thanks for your service. I would feel overwhelmed too. You are here for a reason. The fact that you served your country is enormous. Stay with us awhile

Join the Conversation