I was married to my first husband for 11 years.  He was physically, sexually and mentally abusive towards me.  I divorced him 21 years ago.  I had a protection order and was granted sole, legal, physical custody of our 2 children.  It was that bad.  I closed that chapter of my life a long time ago - or so I thought.  My kids saw some things but didn't know everything and I shielded them from a lot of the ugly details.

Fast forward to almost 3 years ago and my adult children reunited with their father.  I was leary about this reunion but it's not my choice, my children are adults and it's ultimately up to them if they want to have a relationship with their father.  People can change, or so I assumed.  Then, recently, things got very bad.

My 30 yr old son recently had a breakdown and was hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital.  He lost his job, he's in extreme debt, he lives in another state far away from family, his girlfriend broke up with him and he's afraid another woman might be pregnant with his baby.  His breakdown was leading up for months and everyone in our family was worried about him.  He voluntarily committed himself and they kept him there for 72 hours.  My son called me and begged me to get him out of there.  There was nothing I could do and even if I could, I felt he was getting good evaluation & care there.  He called his dad, his dad convinced him it was my fault that he's depressed, my fault he's in a hospital, my fault that his life isn't working out for him. 

My son got out of the hospital, called me and was extremely infuriated.  My son said he talked to his dad who told him "every detail of his side of the story" and that "dad divorced you because you're crazy, abusive and manipulative".  Complete projection.  In fact, I dug through all my paper work, found all the police reports, hospital records, protection order and the divorce I filed.  I want to share this paperwork with my son but haven't because 1) he's no longer talking to me and 2) I don't want to upset his already fragile psychological state and/or appear like I'm manipulating him.

My ex-husband called my house twice one night, I'm assuming he got my phone number from my son.  The 2nd time he called, I told him never to call my house again.  He then called my elderly mother and said he was taking care of his son now and that I'm no longer in contact with my son. 

I feel like my ex-husband is abusing me all over again and using our mentally ill son to do this.  I thought I ended this abusive relationship forever, never would have imainged it would come back again in my life.  I'm absolutely devestated.  I've been very depressed.  

Has anyone else here had to deal with an abusive ex-husband years after divorce?  I don't know what to do to get through my son.  I'm heartbroken right now.