Depression Support Group
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Everyone tells me not to be such of a baby, but being a teenager and having all these fluxuating emotions can render your feelings to a state of numbness that sometimes feels eternal.
A guy friend of mine and I are fighting a lot, usually over stupid trivial things like pets or generalizing people at our schools. Since we don't attend the same school, its a blessing that we aren't getting angry at each other in the hallway, but over the phone (via snapchat) is worse in a way.
He refused to apologize after hurting my feelings, saying he didn't need to even though I told him I was sorry over the little blow up we had, this made me feel horrid. I left school promptly at 2 to find myself a mess, I grabbed a coffee and sat in the back trying to sleep and dream of something happy, trying to remember a John Denver song that I had long forgotten or hum a tune from ABBA. A few stray tears carressed my cheeks, the thought of being in a fight with a good friend really hurt me, especially some of the things he had said, accusing me of things I wasn't, and treating me like a dumb animal.
I stayed level headed and responded intelligently as best I could, but when we got home I cacooned myself in a blanket with my little dog and cried softly as my Mama did the dishes. I told her about the fight and she said it made no sense, but to me it seemed he was very angry, I couldn't understand why he had to blow up like a bomb and render me to tears and causing me to take bathroom "cry" breaks while I tried to make amends with him.
I read in an article during my ride home about men and fighting, they say that usually people get into arguments with people they care about because they want to make the relationship better, only we are just friends. I wondered if he cared for me... Then he kept refusing to apologize, eventually he said sorry, albeit reluctantly, but the damage was done.
It didn't help that I was in physical as well as emotional pain, and having someone you consider a good friend treating the situation like it didn't deserve an apology. I wonder if he does harbor feelings for me, yet one half of me thinks that he's just being a boy that doesn't know any better. I'm not sure, this has haunted me all day, I just wish we didn't have to fight so often and for no good reason! All of our fights are topics from the past that he thinks are annoying or stupid, I feel like I'm Mothering him by saying: "Don't bottle up your emotions!" Or "Just talk to me!" And all of this just makes me think that he is pushing me away, either he's afraid of having a crush, or he just doesn't want to be friends anymore... Which really hurts...
For example, fingernail polish and decorations really are not that important to me. Nor are shoes. But to some women these things are very important. I've seen woman with so much closed space devoted to shoes that it boggles my mind.
After living for 63 plus years I have learned that it is important to me because it is important to my wife. But please do not ask me to remember what shoes you wore last time you wore that dress. I won't ask you to remember why sometimes I use pan head screws in wood, and other times I use counter sunk flat head screws.
Different things matter to different people.
So my question is this: if so many things make you two argue, why are you continuing to try to be friends? Perhaps you two have moved in different directions and are lacking common ground.
he's a mate. You have cheerful arguments with your mates, and you walk away at the end. You don't have to agree, you don't have to like their opinion. But every disagreement does not end with emotional purging and accusations and demands for apologies and tears. There is no FASTER way to get rid of a friend than to do all of this.
You are going through an emotional stage of your life and thinking it's to do with your interactions with this guy. it's not. it's something happening inside you.