Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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charmingdisaster 03/20/2011

I have been a member of daily strength since last summer after going through a lot of things including drug addiction. I am back on here now after falling completely backwards in my recovery. I have had depression for a long time now. I have been alright for the most part but recently I have gotten very depressed. I have so much running through my head right now that I do not know where to start. I am dating my ex again who is in the air force and currently deployed. I think between that stress and work stress, I am getting depressed. I also need to get some people out of my life, especially one. After this weekend and what happened as far as me falling backwards, I need to stop associating with this person. He did nothing to stop me, he only encouraged me to do what I should not do.My boyfriend wants me to cut ties with this guy and I want to but it is so hard for me. I do not understand why I am still friends with this guy. He is just a friend but he is obsessed with me. He wants to date me and gets very upset at me if I mention another guy so I do not talk about that around him. Over time, he has gotten me in 2 car accidents (him driving), has always pushed me towards drinking and drugs, and has tried to force himself on me twice. However, right after each time, he said that he would never hurt me or make me do anything. I know he is manipulative and trying to make me doubt what I know happened. Something is wrong with me to keep him in my life. I don't know if I just want to believe people are good or if I think I deserve someone like this in my life.

WanderingVet 03/20/2011

Your boyfriend is overseas. Right now .. the police are your closest 'support'. After threatening to come to your work place, you have done the right thing in calling the police.

Explain it all to them .. that you don't want him around you and that he threatened to come to your job. Show them the messages.

charmingdisaster 03/20/2011

Thank you again. It has been a real help for me to be able to confide in people here since I can't talk to my boyfriend whenever. I am making a clean break from him and walking away. I know it is best for me. I had just got done talking to the police. They had another officer go to his place and they talked to him and let him know that I filed a complaint. They also told him to not try to meet me anywhere. So I really hope he doesn't but if he persists, I will be able to get a restraining order. I feel a little better but I am very worried that he is very angry because I did this.

WanderingVet 03/20/2011

>>worried that he is very angry because I did this

You can BET he is. I assure you he is furious. KNOW that .. and watch your back. Keep your cell phone at hand. Check around when you leave work. You do not want to now be within his reach. If he comes near you, GET AWAY and call the police. Keep your doors locked. Check around when you leave your house.

I am not trying to frighten you .. I would rather you be TOO careful than not careful enough. Be VERY very careful.

Summerwind81 03/20/2011

Agree with WV on this...he will be VERY pissed off, and may very well show up looking for you.

Stay in groups as much as you can. Ask somebody to walk with you to your car after work, park close to stores, stuff like that.

I don't want to scare you either, I've just seen how psycho people can get once they're told by the police to stay away. He'll want you alone, so try to be alone as little as possible, and lock the house up tight once you're home.

Best of luck to you...scary situation...I hope it works out as well as it can.

charmingdisaster 03/20/2011

Thank you so much! It makes this easier knowing that I have people who support me and agree with my decision. I know neither of you are trying to scare me. I am scared already but I will be very careful for a while. I know he is very pissed off at me right now. The nice thing is that I work at a bank so I always have to have someone with me or at least watching to make sure I get out ok. My biggest worry is him following me home since he does not know where I currently live because I recently moved. I do not plan on going anywhere alone for a while. This is so stressful and I wish it didn't have to come to this. I will at least update my journal on the situation.

WanderingVet 03/20/2011

I repeat .. not trying to scare you. I am sure you understand the term 'trigger'. If he is 'unstable' ... if nothing else will, this will trigger him .. into anything from 'meaningless' fury to serious aggression.

MOST of these things settle fairly well, but if you ever needed to be careful, it is now .. and maybe for quite some time.

I am trying to 'error on the side of caution'. Be vigilant, lock your doors at home, and realize there is someone angry with you .. someone who has done the things he has done ..and thinks the way he thinks. As long as he could control and bully you, he is 'fine' ..but that is OVER ..and he is likely very angry about it.

Be more careful than you need to be ... and you will be OK. Caution is key now.

deleted_user 03/20/2011

If you have it on an answering machine or voice mail, you can call the police and they will get involved. I had to do this once and the issue stopped immediately.

deleted_user 03/21/2011

But, even if he doesn't do anything, you should still tell the police he's following you. File a report, even if the police say it's not necessary. You have that right. Not all police are willing to help. They call it leaving a paper trail. That allows for his pattern of behavior to be on paper, on file, so that there is a clear picture as to why you are afraid.

This behavior is not ok, even if you think you caused it or provoked him. It is not your responsibility to make sure this guy behaves himself. You have the right to go wherever you want without having to be involved with this guy at all, no matter what he's done for you, ever. Don't feel guilty. Not only is it not your fault, it'll get you into more trouble and make you look unreliable in court.

A stable person would see this as a definite reason to stay away from you. He should notice that you are afraid of him and not want to frighten you more. At this point, he's not even in trouble with the police. If he sees this as a reason to engage you more, something isn't clicking, and any other encounters are completely self serving. They have nothing to do with your wishes. If you could have handled this situation yourself, you would have. Respectful people know that. Stalkers and manipulaters do not.

You are not alone in this. I hope you continue to go towards the light. It appears that you are on your way. Good luck to you.

ThePepperMan 03/21/2011

The only thing I can think to add is to suggest you talk to a lawyer. Just to make sure that you are advised of your rights, and how to protect them. If a restraining order is needed, a quick chat with a lawyer can let you know what things are needed in your jurisdiction.

Gentle hugs

1Patriciann 03/21/2011

Be very gentle with yourself and if at all possible it may be very helpful for you to be in a support group for victims of domestic violence because this will allow you to begin to heal from all the hurt you have survived that has caused you to believe you somehow are not worth good treatment. With good support you will see that you are worth very good care and you will begin to heal from all the harm you have survived that causes you to doubt that truth. It will also allow you to know you are not alone with trying to find needed healing. Gentle ((hugs)) of comfort - Patricia

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