Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I ran out of meds again and have started having panic attacks. I haven't slept much at all for two days and start having panic attacks whenever I lie in bed. On the rare occasion that I do get an hour or two of sleep, I am actually having nightmares where I am having panic attacks in my dreams.
Today, hopefully I will be able to get my meds depending on whether or not my doctor called them in or not. Part of me is blaming this on me and part of me is angry at both my doctor for being impossible to contact (no receptionist and does not return calls) and I am also slightly upset at my husband for us not having the money to afford meds.
It feels as though every time I start to feel like I am getting better, I run out of meds and crash again. I also feel like an idiot for trying to go down on my meds. Sure, it seemed like I was improving for awhile, but how on earth can I get any better if I keep running out of medicine every single month?!
Much of this also started because I allowed myself to not eat much at all for a day. I always used to have panic attacks as a result of being hungry. I have not felt this way or had panic this bad for a very long time.
Part of me feels like running to the hospital, but I have no insurance and no money. I believe I am safe and currently have no urge to self harm. I know what caused this attack of panic and depression, and keep telling myself over and over that I will improve, but I am starting to freak out a bit and part of me believes that I am returning to the way I once was, which was an emotional wreck going in and out of hospitals.
Yesterday at work, I was actually crying and laughing simultaneously. I really feel as though I am losing it. I know I need help, but help is nowhere to be found. I simply don't have any money for it.
I really don't know what I would do if I crashed again. I feel like such a burden on my family and I know others (expecially coworkers) look at me as being a messed up freak. I know I can't change who I am, but I often am ashamed of who I am.
My depression, OCD and panic are all spiraling out of control. I honestly believe that feeling low is all I know. I want help and need help so bad. I don't want to spend another day like this.
Today, hopefully I will be able to get my meds depending on whether or not my doctor called them in or not. Part of me is blaming this on me and part of me is angry at both my doctor for being impossible to contact (no receptionist and does not return calls) and I am also slightly upset at my husband for us not having the money to afford meds.
It feels as though every time I start to feel like I am getting better, I run out of meds and crash again. I also feel like an idiot for trying to go down on my meds. Sure, it seemed like I was improving for awhile, but how on earth can I get any better if I keep running out of medicine every single month?!
Much of this also started because I allowed myself to not eat much at all for a day. I always used to have panic attacks as a result of being hungry. I have not felt this way or had panic this bad for a very long time.
Part of me feels like running to the hospital, but I have no insurance and no money. I believe I am safe and currently have no urge to self harm. I know what caused this attack of panic and depression, and keep telling myself over and over that I will improve, but I am starting to freak out a bit and part of me believes that I am returning to the way I once was, which was an emotional wreck going in and out of hospitals.
Yesterday at work, I was actually crying and laughing simultaneously. I really feel as though I am losing it. I know I need help, but help is nowhere to be found. I simply don't have any money for it.
I really don't know what I would do if I crashed again. I feel like such a burden on my family and I know others (expecially coworkers) look at me as being a messed up freak. I know I can't change who I am, but I often am ashamed of who I am.
My depression, OCD and panic are all spiraling out of control. I honestly believe that feeling low is all I know. I want help and need help so bad. I don't want to spend another day like this.
The truth is, although this is my first bout with nonstop anxiety in years and not being able to sleep, I am nowhere near as bad as the times I were when I went to the hospital. The scary thing is that after today, I would not be surprised if I were to reach that point. I feel myself breaking and crumbling. I don't know whether I am crying wolf or if I really am in a crisis situation.
I always panic when I can't sleep. It's odd. I used to suffer from hypersomnia where I would sleep for 14 or 15 hours a day, and then I have attacks like this where I am only sleeping one or two hours a night. My body and mind just can't handle it.
Have you tried meditation? It has helped with my anxiety and keeps me from slipping too bad. Are there free sessions you could go to to help?
I send you hugguns.
Why are you running out of meds each month? Do they not give you a complete month's supply in your prescription?
((((((hugs)))))))
Please try to take care of yourself as much as you can. There are certain things that are in your control.. make sure you are eating, if meditation or warm baths at night don't help, try taking an over-the-counter sleep aid... just long enough to regulate your sleep pattern. Exercise or walk as often as you can. These things help me immensely.
HDoctor once again did not call in my meds. I can get two days of lexapro and buspar. Can't get my klonopin.
The more I try to relax, the more I panic. Meditation and the like actually causes more harm then anything else. Lavender calms me a bit, but it appears to be the only thing that works.
I am eating as much as I can and will try to get some exercise before bedtime. I'm really scared about not getting any sleep tonight. Also, I have to go into work early tomorrow, and am scared about panicking tomorrow at work.
hubby stuck me with some stressful errands. at least i'll have something to do.
I
my ocd is starting to act up, and although I currently have no desire to harm myself, I am afraid that i will do something spontaneous and foolish. my ocd is now rambling about whether i will foolishly run to the hospital when i don't need to. i really can't go running to the hospital whenever i have a panic attack, it's just that i went a full year without a single attack and really thought i was over this shit just to have it happen to me again.
i part of me just wants to run to the hospital and another part of me knows that i have to learn how to cope on my own.
this is voodoo, and although it's really nice to see you again, i am really sorry you're feeling so bad.
it sounds like an awful see-saw running out of meds each month, and i'm sure it does take a toll on your well-being.
if it gets suicidal, i trust you'll get in-patient.
since we've met, i've been twice for longer stays, and one 72 hour observation/suicide watch.
i'm really sorry you're going through this. i wish i had an answer for you.
I made a post on the main board about how I am currently doing. I am feeling better, but am still off and on with the panic. Just because I am OK now doesn't mean I won't be freaking out 10 minutes from now.
I did just get my meds and got my chores done for the day, so at least I am being active.
Still, I am starting to get irrational fears such as what if I lose control of my body or truly go insane. I just keep telling myself it is my OCD and irrational thinking, but once I go into panic mode, these fears become VERY real to me. I am literally convinced that it is possible for this panic to cause me to go catatonic or crazy.
I think I am going to call my doctor and leave her a message saying thanks for calling in the medicine and sorry for being such a lousy patient. I know I never keep my appointments and am probably the most difficult patient ever.