On January 20, my boyfriend of 6 years had a heart attack while we were laying in bed. He later died at the hospital. He was the absolute love of my life. That was a Wednesday, and by Friday, I found out that he had been dating another woman for 15 years, he lived with her, and the son I thought he adopted (age 2), was actually his biological son with this other woman. After days of agony, I have decided to believe he loved me the best way he knew how and had his reasons for lying to me. All that I felt was so real and so perfect and I miss him so much. This is the longest we've ever gone w/o talking and it still feels like a dream. I close my eyes and see him gasping for air and me trying to help him. His family asked that I not go to the wake and funeral out of respect for his son and this other woman. I am currently on medication for depression (diagnosed over 10 years ago) and i'm seeing a psychologist, but the pain is absolutely so unbearable that I can't get out of bed. Any advice would be so appreciated.