Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I have had it!!!
I am so sick of this OCD! I am so sick of this fear of schizophrenia!! It's all i think about! My life revolves around my fear of schizophrenia! I can't do anything without thinking about. I worry all the time about having it. About seeing and hearing things that aren't there,having delusions, illusions, psychotic episodes, loosing touch with reality, and whatever is part of this disorder!!!!
Like all the thoughts that i keep thinking are belonging to this disorder and can be delusions for people that have it, such as: The piece of shit government being after me, even though i know they ARE NOT! Having people watching me or having cameras in my apartment, which by the way I KNOW ISN'T TRUE... there are no fucking cameras in my apartment, besides the one i use to take pictures with and my freaking web cam on my laptop which are always off unless i am using them!!! and no one is watching me.... who would want to watch me anyways?! i am not that interesting. Oh yeah and i cant forget the thought about my son being the fucking devil. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. HE is NOT, a devil! and never will be anything close to it!!! and the thought about my food being poisoned, if it were i can tell you right now i wouldn't be eating it, but clearly IT IS NOT, and never will be so i will continue to eat! I am so fed up with my mind and these damn thoughts i have been having!!
IM SO TIRED OF IT! seriously am!!! I hate this shit. i really do! I am always asking people if i make sense, or if i have acted different and they always tell me, ''no you're still the same, i see no change in you". WHY cant i just accept it and move on?? Why cant i just let the damn thoughts go?? THEY HAVE NO SIGNIFICANCE in my life! I have no reason to think these things! This fear has gone way out of control! I cant stand it anymore. I cant stand thinking about it anymore, or creating my own thoughts about it anymore. I really cant. I would rather die right now, than have all these illogical thoughts going through my brain freaking 24 freaking 7!!!!!!
I know why i have this fear of being schizophrenic, is because i was sent to a freaking psych ward! they told me in the ER that they were going to help me, and there was going to be groups and therapists! Was there? ABSOLUTELY not. It only made things so much worse for me, because i was placed in there with people that i knew had really bad psychiatric problems! I had absolutely no idea what schizophrenia was or what the symptoms were, until i was sent to a psych ward!! That damn place screwed me up big time! I had never even thought about being watched or the government being after me, or my food being poisoned, or my son being a devil, or hearing or seeing things that aren't there, until i get sent there. Seriously. THEY were supposed to help me, but instead made everything so much freaking worse for me. Before going in there, i didnt really think about being crazy or anything like that much, and if i did the thoughts didn't stick with me like they do now!
AM i crazy? AM i ever going to get over this and live like a normal person again and not have to ask for constant reassurance and constantly reassure myself that i am indeed not crazy or schizophrenic? I honestly can't handle this fear anymore. I font know what to do. I needed to get all of this out or it would just bottle up and it wouldn't be good. I'm sorry that that was long. But if someone could please give me their two cents, i would greatly appreciate it. It is now 1 am and i can not sleep because i have a psych evaluation in the morning and i am so afraid that they are going to tell me that i am indeed schizophrenic, because of the thoughts i have, even though i know the stuff isn't going to happen.
Thanks for reading. I really appreciate it. I know it was long, but if you read it then thank you.
I am so sick of this OCD! I am so sick of this fear of schizophrenia!! It's all i think about! My life revolves around my fear of schizophrenia! I can't do anything without thinking about. I worry all the time about having it. About seeing and hearing things that aren't there,having delusions, illusions, psychotic episodes, loosing touch with reality, and whatever is part of this disorder!!!!
Like all the thoughts that i keep thinking are belonging to this disorder and can be delusions for people that have it, such as: The piece of shit government being after me, even though i know they ARE NOT! Having people watching me or having cameras in my apartment, which by the way I KNOW ISN'T TRUE... there are no fucking cameras in my apartment, besides the one i use to take pictures with and my freaking web cam on my laptop which are always off unless i am using them!!! and no one is watching me.... who would want to watch me anyways?! i am not that interesting. Oh yeah and i cant forget the thought about my son being the fucking devil. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. HE is NOT, a devil! and never will be anything close to it!!! and the thought about my food being poisoned, if it were i can tell you right now i wouldn't be eating it, but clearly IT IS NOT, and never will be so i will continue to eat! I am so fed up with my mind and these damn thoughts i have been having!!
IM SO TIRED OF IT! seriously am!!! I hate this shit. i really do! I am always asking people if i make sense, or if i have acted different and they always tell me, ''no you're still the same, i see no change in you". WHY cant i just accept it and move on?? Why cant i just let the damn thoughts go?? THEY HAVE NO SIGNIFICANCE in my life! I have no reason to think these things! This fear has gone way out of control! I cant stand it anymore. I cant stand thinking about it anymore, or creating my own thoughts about it anymore. I really cant. I would rather die right now, than have all these illogical thoughts going through my brain freaking 24 freaking 7!!!!!!
I know why i have this fear of being schizophrenic, is because i was sent to a freaking psych ward! they told me in the ER that they were going to help me, and there was going to be groups and therapists! Was there? ABSOLUTELY not. It only made things so much worse for me, because i was placed in there with people that i knew had really bad psychiatric problems! I had absolutely no idea what schizophrenia was or what the symptoms were, until i was sent to a psych ward!! That damn place screwed me up big time! I had never even thought about being watched or the government being after me, or my food being poisoned, or my son being a devil, or hearing or seeing things that aren't there, until i get sent there. Seriously. THEY were supposed to help me, but instead made everything so much freaking worse for me. Before going in there, i didnt really think about being crazy or anything like that much, and if i did the thoughts didn't stick with me like they do now!
AM i crazy? AM i ever going to get over this and live like a normal person again and not have to ask for constant reassurance and constantly reassure myself that i am indeed not crazy or schizophrenic? I honestly can't handle this fear anymore. I font know what to do. I needed to get all of this out or it would just bottle up and it wouldn't be good. I'm sorry that that was long. But if someone could please give me their two cents, i would greatly appreciate it. It is now 1 am and i can not sleep because i have a psych evaluation in the morning and i am so afraid that they are going to tell me that i am indeed schizophrenic, because of the thoughts i have, even though i know the stuff isn't going to happen.
Thanks for reading. I really appreciate it. I know it was long, but if you read it then thank you.
hope the appt goes well, come back and let us know how it went.
Do u have an emergency line to call if you need to?
jj
My mother developed the disease last year. I'm still going through the same fears because I heard it's hederetary. Sad to say... I don't have a family to love me or care.
When you said, "Why cant i just let the damn thoughts go?? THEY HAVE NO SIGNIFICANCE in my life! I have no reason to think these things!" I thought to myself, this person gets it! When you said that, YOU helped ME! Thank you! I am going to write down your words and carry them around with me on an index card so that I can get past the holidays! You are a Godsend!
May you find some comfort here with friends who share your OCD stresses at a such a hectic holiday season.