Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I have never posted on the depression site before but I am in dire need. I am so depressed and so down I am barely functioning. I just got divorced after my husband of 17 years started an emotional affair with one of my friends. I was 3 months pregnant with our 3rd child when he left me for her. That was almost 2 years ago but I haven't been able to get over it. I lost my job as an RN when I was trying to deal with all this and I was even admitted to a mental health hospital for 2 weeks. I am on medication, Effexor, Ativan, Ambien, Dexamethasone and Respiridol and I see a therapist once a week but it doesn't seem to be helping. I have lost 60 pounds and am getting to the point where I look anorexic. My family is freaking out. They are as supportive as they can be but they don't understand. I don't even understand! I've lost all my motivation to do anything. I do what I have to for the baby but I'm so screwed up. She is safe for sure but I don't know for how long I can hold on. I feel so broken and hurt. My soul has been shattered and I don't know how to fix it. I spent my life getting myself to a certain place in life and all that has been for nothing because now I have to start all over again. My kids except for the baby are only with me half the time now and that is so unfair. I lost everything when he left. I dread getting up each morning and spend my time crying and beating myself up because I can't get my crap together. I do not want to go back into the hospital. They can't help me. I don't know what can. I am a good person and I didn't do anything to deserve this. I loved him with all my heart and he was my world. When we broke up he said it had all been lies and mistakes and we should never have married and that if he had known what was on the outside he would have left a long time ago. I never saw it. I truly believed he felt the same about me that I did for him. He said he just told me what I wanted to hear. I know he's a dog. I know he did me wrong, but I can't get over it. He was everything to me and I totally believed in us. I haven't been able to feel very much anger even though I know I have so many things to be angry about. I'm just so devastated. I pray several times a day and I read self help books. I try not to isolate myself but that's really all I want to do. I just want to lay down and die. I haven't done anything to myself because I don't want to hurt my kids or my family but I am suffering and in agony. I'm trying to find work and get my life back on track but I haven't been able to find a job and money is getting short. I have let things go and my bills haven't even been paid in months. Some days I completely forget to eat and forget about maintaining the house. When my kids are with me I fake it and get through pretending I am okay, but they never know what to expect from me. I'm smiling one minute and bawling the next. I cry every day. I want to cry every minute. I don't want to live in this misery anymore. I'm tired, so tired. I am not strong enough to get it together. I WANT to die and be done with this miserable life. I love my kids so much but I am not the mother I was before. They deserve more. We were a good family. We had everything. Now there's nothing. I don't want to live the life I have been forced into. I don't have the will anymore. Help me.
Maybe you need different meds, sometimes that happens. Im so sorry he did you so wrong, but for your sake and the childrens, somehow you need to move on with your life.
Hugs hon. good luck Lexi
You are worth more than what he says about you. The woman you know as yourself is still there, deep inside of you and she will finally find her way, just give it time and use the people that are available to help you through it.
He is not the instrument of your identity, don't give him that power. Hold on to the love and kindness within your heart and take every moment as one that you make and not one he made for you.
You are loved........your family is there, and so is this group. Begin to heal and love yourself........he was simply not worth the love you gave him.
God is holding on to you right now.......He brought you to this group and He will give you the strength you need to find yourself again.
Hugs xxxxx
Your situation is part of life's dynamics. You (naturally) want to fix it and can fix it, but you must understand it is you who will do the fixing. It will not come from outside of you. It will come from within you. This kind of damage is somewhat unique .. if you have a flat tire, someone can fix it for you. If your roof leaks, a roofing company can fix it for you. With this kind of problem, only you can fix it.
It is not fair. Hurricanes are not fair. Crime is not fair. I am with you on 'it's not fair'. Still, you and only you can fix this kind of damage.
One of the first things you have to do is let it be OK that he left ... because he has left. That is why it has to be OK. It is something you cannot change .. so it has to be OK. This applies to all the things that have happened which you cannot change. As long as it is NOT OK, you will suffer over it. The moment it IS OK, you have healed from it.
The magnitude of this is far greater than a flat tire, but the principles are the same. You fix it or someone else fixes it and you 'go on down the road'. It is just in this case, only you can fix this problem. Otherwise, it is the same principle.
I don't mean to be absurd .. but you have to try to see this as "I simply got hoodwinked. This guy was a failure .. a failure at being honest when he should have been, a failure as a decent human being, a failure as a father, a failure as a man, a rabid person and he hurt me. Yep, that is what happened and the pain is a tremendous burden. I am now going to lift it off my shoulders, set it down alongside the road, and walk away from it. I will not bear it any further. I do this because I choose to."
You took a royal screwin ... but it happens .. it is part of the life dynamic. No one doesn't ever take a royal screwin ... not in this life.
In so doing, you must leave HIM and what he does, who he is, and what he is alongside and move away from it also. You take an unneeded load off and you leave it by the wayside, and continue life.
Believe me, I understand how difficult what I am saying can be. The thing is, it is urgent. The longer you bear the pain, the MORE problems it causes. The problems are stacking up .. big time. That burden causes you to lose jobs, which causes financial problems which cause, which cause, which cause.
I cannot solve all of them .. each one needs its own resolution, but you cannot fix any of them until you FIRST, set that burden down. It will be done sooner, or later, or not at all .. but what I say is true.
If you are completely new to DS, I want to welcome you. I am glad you have found and joined us. You will make friends and receive support here, and you have done a good job of introducing yourself.
Here are a couple of helpful things for DS newcomers:
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Members-Community/support-group
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/new-to-ds
If I can be of any assistance, PM (private message) me or any other CL (community leader). You will find a list of CLs at the second link, ... above.
You need to get strong and get MAD!! They say and it's true (bgeen there) that you'll go through stages like sad, your not worth it, mad and your stuck in sad mode....get out now!!! You can do this your ex couldn't have been that special for crying out loud him and your friend took off together...he's an idiot for Gods sake!!!
You need a professional but for now use us...get mad really look at what he did to you...you built your life around him and he dumped you....he will get his when the time comes so have satisfaction in the fact that "what comes around goes around" and right now you have this darling little baby that needs you so bad. You don't want her to grow up not understand true love because you had a bad time once. I know marriage is suppose to be forever but hey my 1st kicked my butt and I threw him out, that was it!!!
Please dont take offensive to this I truly do not mean it like that....if you need to talk or a get mad talk I'm here for ya...V
Guys.....jerks
You're hurt, sad, disappointed, angry, and probably a whole bunch of other emotions. But you're taking all of it out on yourself. You didn't fail, HE did. You didn't leave, HE did. You didn't cheat, HE did. Let yourself feel all that anger.
And then go prove him wrong. Be the woman, the mother you want to be. Show how strong and capable you are.
Talk to your doctor, see if more intensive care or medication adjustments are needed. Explore part-time or private duty work to help with the financial stuff until you're up to the demands of a full-time job. Be sure you tell your therapist how bad things are. Perhaps talk to your minister--many churches have groups for people who are recovering from divorce.
www.al-anon.alateen.org
take care of yourself and your children.
I am so sorry your husband left you. It is a horrible thing to have to go through & will take a long time to adjust to your new lifestyle so allow yourself the full grieving process, crying, whatever. It takes non-depressed people a long time to get over a break-up but when you add depression on top of it - it is nearly impossible.
But the good news is that it is not impossible to feel better in time.
You will meet many people here going through the same thing.
Please work on getting your depression under control. New meds, a new therapist - remember you are fighting for your life - do whatever you are able to do for you & your children to be as healthy as possible.
Good luck :)