the real question I want to ask is how do I fix this ... what do I do now?

HOW THE HELL DO I REDEEM MYSELF?

You sound like me, and I'm not sure how to dig out of it either.

I guess it takes time. I sort of have a plan and am doing it.

Hope it works.

You can't fix everything in one day. It didnt get screwed up overnight so it will take some time to fix. I think that if your friends / family see that you are makin a effort or trying to improve your situation then they will not think so badly of you. Just take one thing at a time. Write a list of your goals or of all the wrongs that you want to make right. I'm cheering for you! You can do it! Go girl go! (:

AmyJaneBlue pretty much said what i was going to say. pick one thing and focus on making that right. she's right, it wont be fixed overnight but you can do it!!!

First, you are not a dumb personl everyone makes mistakes.
The only thing you can do is face this head on and admit to those people that you were wrong.

There is always a solution, even if its not the one we would've preferred but there is always a way.

and in the meantime you have us!!

Hello! First, may I please offer you my hand in friendship? Im relatively new to this support site, but not so to the DailyStrength forums.

Of course, no person can personally really understand how youve come to the conclusion of your situation, but some may relate to your very own feelings of failure. My idea of personal failure, and I know this is a stupid but kind one, is that I personally desire to know the secret of doing exactly what would make the world a better place by tomorrow, but how can I? And this idea causes me to feel like Ive lost control of my life. But, then, how can I personally make the world a better place by the next day? Just as you, I throw myself into areas of intentional acts of generosity, which I envision for good, looking for unforeseen miracles, wanting to change lives, trying to encourage constant acts of good deeds by service, but I fail and stand amazed that Ive most likely multiplied many problems rather than walking others to their desired rest of comfort and peace. So, I can identify with what youre feelingsorry for, with both of us. Nice to share feeling with you, and I encourage each of us to simply find our second voice the one that assures us that we are human and uncoordinated, but capable of caring to find the functional solutions while enduring the messiness of life.

Hello to all commenting above! Keep up the amazing support!

How do you eat an elephant?

One bite at a time.

Make list of what you need to do, first thing on the list, prioritize the list. Then start writing it all down. Leave space next to each item. When the list is done, then write down when everything needs to be done by. Not like to be done by, absolutely needs to be done by, then start numbering them in order. The list can and should include what you may need help for. Asking for that help, should be part of it.
Then if the list is overwhelming, rewrite it on different pages. One page could be this week, another next week, another this month, and so on, and work the most current list first. You know how you got in this mess by not prioritizing, half the battle is over, now stick to your prioritizing. Include some slam dunk easy ones, it feels good to cross them off too.

thanks for all the support .. but I just don't know how to do this...I just don't have the energy to do what i have to do...just thinking about it drains me of all energy...and I feel very out of control...and that is the worst place for me to be... and I can't give this a voice...

i'm sorry, i just don't know how to get out of this crap...and I hate feeling this way...cause...