I've been dealing with depression for as long as I can remember - at least since late grade school. Anyways, I was diagnosed at age 18 (when I first went off to college and moved out for the first time.. had the worst breakdown I had ever had up til that point) with Major Depressive Disorder. I have never been on meds because I've always felt they were not right for me. For the most part, I have managed quite successfully to cope with my issues without the use of medication. I do a lot of writing, use thought control mechanisms, among other things. I've managed to pull myself through some pretty black times using these methods. But this latest bout is becoming unbearable. It all started last August when I had my heart broken for the first time. I was head over heels in love, positive that I was going to marry this guy.. and out of no where something in him snapped and he became a whole other person, accusing me of horrible things and ruining his life. He ripped my heart out and shit on it. I'm still not over it. Anyways.. I have not been happy since then. It's not JUST the breakup. That was just the beginning. It threw me into a really dark place, and I haven't been able to crawl out. Since then, there have been a number of other things keeping me down, but I think that I would be able to deal just fine with these things if I weren't already in such a dark, negative place in my mind and heart. I've been having a lot of financial difficulty. A lot of minor little things have come up with school that are frustrating. I'm having issues getting the financial aid I need for school. I moved to the other side of the country and it hasn't turned out at all the way I had planned.
Anyways, I don't need to get into everything right now.
The point is that since August when I was thrown into a dark place, I have been unable, regardless of how hard I try, to crawl out of it. I've ALWAYS been able to pull myself out with enough effort. Usually when I get depressed it lasts anywhere from a few days to a couple months. It's never lasted this long. I haven't been happy since August - not once. It's been nothing but pain and suffering and I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I'm beginning to doubt my ability to deal. I am beginning to doubt that I will be able to pull myself out this time. I don't know what to do.

I've always said meds aren't for me and I don't want them. But lately I have been thinking a lot about it and I think maybe it's time to give them a try, since nothing else seems to be working. I just don't want to become reliant on them. I don't want to be on meds for the rest of my life, or even for any significant amount of time. I just want some help pulling myself through this dark time.

Any advice?