Well I feel devestated about my dad, sometimes I'm okay and if I start to actually feel good it hits me, "remember dad's not going to here" and I feel like I'm never going to be happy again. It's like the only thing I'm allowed to enjoy in my mind is trying to make my dad enjoy something.

I feel suspicious about where he works too, like they have purposely exposed him to an exaggerated amount of chemicals to give this to him, so they won't have to pay his retirement out to him. It's fucked up. He has never had any sickness for most of his life, he's been really healthy, and now, the year that he is going to retire, full benefits, he gets something that's going to kill him in 3 to 5 years, and it's caused by the sort of chemicals he works in. That's fishy to me.

I'm trying to get through this. I keep forgetting to take my depression medication, I have to take it in the middle of my meal or it makes me really sick. I haven't had to take it in a long time, but I need it now. I guess I'll have to set an alarm on my phone.

i don't think my daughter knows about the life expectancy. she's in college and I don't want to tell her cause it will mess up her studies. She knows he is sick, and it's about his lungs, and what the diagnosis is, but I don't think she knows about the life expectancy and I don't know if I should tell her.