I suffer from a lot of physical ailments... most of them give me a good deal of actual pain. It has been a rough month. Sometimes it is so unbearable I feel as if I will go mad. I think it is difficult for many to understand that that physical pain is only dwarfed by what it inflicts upon one mentally. Are there times I want to give up??? Oh hell yes. I fully understand why some who suffer from chronic debilitating pain give in to despair and end their lives. I, myself refuse to give in to that, but sometimes I have the dark hope that I will not wake up. Not to ONE MORE DAY... of the agony I KNOW will be there. It vacillates in intensity, but it is ALWAYS there. I also know that I will be suffering with this for the rest of my life. Thank GOD I have a wonderful family and an amazing boyfriend, but I hate feeling as if I am a burden to them. The other night, my niece had a concert. She is fourteen and plays beautiful piano. I wanted to go so badly, but the damn pain kept me home....again. *SIGH*. I know I am falling into depression again, but I don't know how to put on the brakes.... Whatever physical pain does to my body..... it will never even be able to COMPETE with the torture it inflicts upon my mind... thanks for letting me vent.