Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I haven't posted an introduction yet, but I have been visiting this board for a while now. I have been plagued by depression since I was a child. I don't believe anyone in my family ever noticed. That was many years ago, and I am still depressed. And still no one really cares. I guess everyone has their own problems to work out and life has thrown so many my way I don't blame anyone for not wanting to even ask.
At this point in my life (68) I believe it stems from the death of my husband in 2008. Two weeks later, my dad died. My son felt guilt and remorse over his dad's death and took to alcohol/drugs. A year later my daughter was hooked on meth. Since she did not have a husband she could not care for her special needs grandson and dropped him off at my house and left him. Her other child lived with me off and on, but is doing better than her mother. Now I am caring for my mother (95) and my grandson and honestly I feel like all the last remaining usefulness of my life is passing in front of my eyes and I am on the sidelines and there is no way I can get back into a life of my own.
This is just a shell outline of what all has happened. Sometimes I wonder if I really grieved the loss of my husband and my father. Could that be it? Or maybe I'm grieving the loss of my own children to alcohol/drugs/jail/prison? They are both out now, but they are both facing new court dates.
I am having to become Guardian of my grandson because he will be 18 in a little over a year and he is not able to live on his own--ever. On top of that he has medical problems and is a transplant patient and needs a lot of medical attention.
Whenever I even try to talk about any of this I immediately begin to cry and most of the friends my husband and I had have moved on to other couples. I really was not expecting that.
I know I need to get some of this out. Really, with all of this, where do I start? I feel like I am becoming someone else--not me anymore. I have been writing a journal for the last 4 years or so and when I look back at it, it seems like someone else's life, but I know it's mine.
At this point in my life (68) I believe it stems from the death of my husband in 2008. Two weeks later, my dad died. My son felt guilt and remorse over his dad's death and took to alcohol/drugs. A year later my daughter was hooked on meth. Since she did not have a husband she could not care for her special needs grandson and dropped him off at my house and left him. Her other child lived with me off and on, but is doing better than her mother. Now I am caring for my mother (95) and my grandson and honestly I feel like all the last remaining usefulness of my life is passing in front of my eyes and I am on the sidelines and there is no way I can get back into a life of my own.
This is just a shell outline of what all has happened. Sometimes I wonder if I really grieved the loss of my husband and my father. Could that be it? Or maybe I'm grieving the loss of my own children to alcohol/drugs/jail/prison? They are both out now, but they are both facing new court dates.
I am having to become Guardian of my grandson because he will be 18 in a little over a year and he is not able to live on his own--ever. On top of that he has medical problems and is a transplant patient and needs a lot of medical attention.
Whenever I even try to talk about any of this I immediately begin to cry and most of the friends my husband and I had have moved on to other couples. I really was not expecting that.
I know I need to get some of this out. Really, with all of this, where do I start? I feel like I am becoming someone else--not me anymore. I have been writing a journal for the last 4 years or so and when I look back at it, it seems like someone else's life, but I know it's mine.
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Do you think anxiety is genetic or comes from your environment? What are your thoughts?
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Many of you know Mr K told me to "shut your mouth" in March 2025 when we took a road trip to Alpena Michigan. Since that time, we have had lots of ups and downs but I have never intentionally hurt Mr K in anyway. And when we first started dating in 2024 he let me know, although he is an engineer by degree, he has an extremely low EQ. Overall, he is ok (not off the charts nice like other guys in...
Do you think they might be coming up the other side? Your daughter will have to take responsibility for the grandson at some point, as you will be in your seventies soon.
what would you like to be doing now?
My daughter is at the moment working, but I'm not sure she makes enough to pay rent, etc. to make a home for her family. And I don't think she will ever have either of her kids full time. It's complicated, but first I would want to be sure she was not using anymore just to have him stay overnight. When the guardianship is complete, my grandson's sister will be named his guardian and my grandson will go to live with her when I can't care for him any longer. She turns 21 next month. I really don't think she is quite ready for all the responsibility, but she is working hard and proving she is trying. I am urging her to complete her schooling and trying to hold on for that to become a reality, but when I get really down I sometimes can't see past my immediate future to anything for me. By that I mean a time when I won't have to do and carry all the responsibility I have now. It's such a heavy load. My mom may be 95, but I know I will never make it to 95--and really, I don't want to.
To me, not having a normal family anymore with my children, it's like a connecting link is gone and I have lost it all. My whole life is just a dream. We worked so hard to raise our children and sacrificed everything to make sure they had a good start and solid basis--then they turn and choose everything we were against. I say "we" because my husband and I were completely united on moral things. My son has told me he is sorry, but his actions in life tell me a different story. My children make me feel totally "used."
What I thought I would be doing at this time of my life was me and my husband traveling just when we felt like it and going fishing--we both loved to do that together. (I'm not hard to please.) We had 38 beautiful years together doing simple things.
So I'll just jump!
First of all, welcome to the depression board! Lots of good people here who have walked the walk.
I guess that the best thing to do is to separate your issues. I like to personify depression in to a daemon, somehow it makes it an easier target for me to identify. In any event, depression (living or not) seems to make us overwhelmed by our issues, hoping that we bundle them into one huge mess that we can't overcome.
Nonsense!
Busting our issues up into smaller pieces is a good thing to do! It helps us to fight each issue with methods that are designed to that issue.
Bereavement. Yes, it sounds a bit like you have not really grieved the loss of your husband and father. I have a friend in my bereavement class who's husband did not want her to have a funeral or memorial service for him. She respected his wishes, but as I've gotten to know her in the class, I think that her personality really needed some form of service to help her through the process.
So please, look into yourself and find what you need to do to grieve your losses. I've learned that there really are not stages of grief, rather there are different emotions involved with the process of grieving, and that we need to allow ourselves to experience those emotions and then deal and adapt to them.
A good grief counselor can help you with this. There is a bereavement group here (you can follow the links on my profile if you want) where people are experiencing various stages of grief. I have found good support there.
Elder Support. My 94 year old MIL lives with my wife and me. She is a good person, not too many wants and we are doing OK. But it is still has difficult moments. There is a group here for caring for older parents. Again you can follow the link in my profile. We have a lot of experience dealing with the care of our parents. Most members have difficult parents, but some like me have good parents in terms of getting along and the load not being heavy. But it still produces stress.
Caring for Grandchildren. I have a friend who is a retired social worker. He teaches a class for people who are raising their grandchildren. I live in Los Angeles, so it would be a huge commute for you, but you might want to research such classes in your area. This is a way to meet others in your shoes, and a good way to find more community resources.
There is a way out of this for you, and there are easier paths for you to walk as you navigate these situations.
Saying 'Gentle hugs' seems insufficient here. So please accept a huge titanium infused hug.
It sounds like to me you are grieving a lot of things at once. The loss of your husband and father, the loss of your children to drugs, and the loss of your freedom/golden years. It is a lot to face in a short period of time. I am really sorry you had to deal with all of this. I hope you find the support you need on DS. Also have you thought about trying therapy? Perhaps that could help you navigate through your feelings.
Blue Yonder, I want to also thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. I have thought many times about therapy, but the cost is not something I can handle. What I am hoping for is that just knowing I have someone (the group) that I can talk to will help me to come to the right questions and find answers. I don't find that medications (antidepressants) are any help and I prefer not to take them. I really appreciate your support. Thank you.
There is also a faith based program called Set Free but I am not familiar with which religion sponsors it.
GBU
DRENA B
;-]
Survivor69, thank you.
Wow! You are going through a lot. I'm so sorry for everything that you've been through. I can sympathize with you losing two people that were so close to you in just a short period of time. I lost my dad, grandma(who was like a second mom to me), and my grandpa all within 5 years (I was 8-13 years old when I lost them). But I can't imagine watching my children going through what you are watching yours go through. And the fact that you're taking care of your grandson and mother, you must be under a lot of stress.
I agree with the people here that are saying to tackle each issue separately. It sounds like you never grieved over the loss of your husband and father. I know first hand that can take a heavy toll on a person.
I hope that by your son getting this good job that he'll be able to straighten his life out, and that will be a lot less stress on you. Hopefully one he does, he'll be able to help your daughter get on the right path also.
I know you're busy with taking care of your grandson and mother, but you should find a hobby or something that you enjoy. It gives you time for yourself and will relieve a lot of your stress.
I also see that someone mentioned churches. They are a great resource as well. Just go to the church leaders and explain to them everything that's been going on and they'll be able to help with a lot of things. And what they can't help with, they'll be able to put you in touch with people that can.
I know you probably feel like a failure. But that's nonsense and you shouldn't let anyone (including yourself!) tell you otherwise. I don't know you, but you seem like an amazing person who is doing her absolute hardest to keep her family together.
Just keep your chin up. You said that you're a strong believer in the bible. And I'm going to say something that I hate when people say. But it's true. God won't give you anything that you can't handle.
I'm here if you ever need someone to talk/vent to.
*Hugs*
-Lizybear
It sounds like you are grieving the loss of your husband and the loss of your children to drugs. I definitely think you should join a support group, church group, or classes, anything like that to help get you through this. Having a support network is so important when healing, so that's something I think you should do.
Best wishes,
Sam