I've been away for a while, since September I think. I got sidetracked with the studying I was doing and a boy...plus life in general.

I'm back because I need you all again. I found out right before thanksgiving that my dad has lung cancer. The boy mentioned above...I think I blew it with him. I'm feeling very low and unlovable and convinced no one will ever love me again and I'm going to die alone. I'm really lonely. I have dogs and cats and my daughter and a couple of friends, but I really wanted that boy thing to work out. I really like him. My insecurity and self-hatred more than likely took their toll. I'm dealing with some serious self image problems, I weigh more than I have in a long time and I hate it, but I can't stick to a plan long enough to make a difference.

The good news is that they found out my dad has a gene mutation so he can do targeted therapy and avoid chemo, at least for now. I can't imagine losing him, I'm so close to both of my parents and after losing my brother in 2014, they're the only family I have left (besides my daughter). My fingers and toes and eyes are crossed that the targeted therapy works. I need my dad.

I hope you're all ok, and that you'll forgive me for disappearing for a few months.