I'm new to this, so I figured I should give a background and apologize for its length. Ever since middle school, I've been trying to overcome depression and social anxiety disorder. I went throughout school without treatment because I never reached a point to where I thought I would actually commit suicide. Granted, I did think about dying and wishing death upon me. In March of 2009, the stress of my job, college, and the loneliness I was feeling at the time fueled my depression to the point where I decided that I should get help. So I went to a psychiatrist, and it was the best decision I've ever made. I first tried Paxil, but I didn't like the side-effects, so I moved to Luvox. Once I started taking Luvox, I noticed a change in my attitude, way of thinking, and personality within a couple of weeks. 2009 turned out to be an awesome year for me. I stopped using my medications when I moved to Tennessee in 2010, and even though I wasn't taking any medications or seeing my psychiatrist anymore I still felt pretty good, albeit the difficulty in socializing started to return. I finished technical school in June 2011, and some close friends and I went our separate ways. Around that time, I took a job at a restaurant. It was difficult to come out of my shell at first, but after a few months I became pretty good friends with my coworkers.

In the months that followed, coworkers came and went. My coworker friends who were still there liked to go out all the time, but I wasn't making enough to go out as much as they would, so I started hanging out with them less and less. The feelings I had in March of 2009 seemed to return in October, so I tried going to another psychiatrist. Unfortunately, I didn't think she was helping and I stopped going in January. She put me on the same medications as I used to be on a couple years back, but they didn't do anything for me this time. Around this time, I was beginning to feel down about not getting anywhere in my career, which is music. I've tried setting up jam sessions and write sessions, but everybody I asked declined. Then, for the first time ever this past January, I seriously considered suicide. I talked to one of my close friends, who, I'm guessing, talked to the managers who then talked to me. They talked me through it, helped set up goals for myself, and introduced me to someone who could better help me. I felt positive and confident about it. Then, three coworkers who were my closest friends, just abandoned me during some pretty traumatic times and left me off on my own trying to handle things. I put a good amount of trust into these people, and they destroyed it. After some other series of events I now find I'm back to square one. Whatever advice I'm given feels like a band-aid. I feel as though I can no longer trust anyone and what anyone has to say. Not only am I afraid of socializing with anyone, I no longer desire to socialize with anyone. I no longer desire to do anything.

I don't want to feel this way. I want to go back to being the confident, silly, fun, young man I used to be. I want to do so without relying on psychiatrists or medications. I just want to go back to living life like I used too.