Please don't take your own life. You are deeply deeply depressed and this is causing you to think about taking your own life. I am right here if you need to talk. Send me a message. I was once like you but I am better now. YOu might have bipolar disorder and not know it. To me I think you need medication and you need to be hospitalized. Please keep talking because I am here to listen.

I do have bipolar 1, and I take meds, but pills don't fix my life, and I can't fix it either. It's really painful to be me. I believe in life after dath, I think I'll be better off. No more pain, no more struggling,

I seldom come on this support group and haven't done so in at least a year and a half, but you are a friend, heretic. My words are not the same words others use and they offer a different perspective.

These are difficult and trying times that are especially cruel to those who can handle them the least. We live in a society horribly deficient in social support mechanisms. These factors can exacerbate mental health problems and make them unmanageable. We are too busy building zeitgeists out of idiots than to hold out a helping hand to those who need it the most.

I know that you are trying and holding out for better days. Realize that your situation is not your fault. You are not well and the world is not well. Just like the quote I usually like to use in my status message, "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

I have been suicidal in the past, a fact I had to admit at the psychiatrist's office today. I understand it and I get it. I have hiked mountains and ran marathons. When the going gets tough, I just keep on going. It's what I do. I push through despite of everything and in spite of everything. I figure that if society is against me, I'll keep on going to spite it - to be a thorn in its side.

Sometimes, you have to think of things like that to keep on going. Sometimes, all you need is a good night's sleep. You are in charge of your thoughts. Tomorrow, go out and choose to do something you want to do and give no thoughts, pretexts, or pretenses to it. Just think that I'm doing this because its what I want to do and whatever happens happens. Assign no emotional connotations to it. Choose to go out there and live life on your terms in spite of society and in spite of any baggage you may have.

Heretic - It breaks my heart to read this. I find you one of the most compassionate, kind souls on this board. You don't realize the positive effect you have on others. Please don't hurt yourself. It is a fleeting urge that will leave, given enough time. Please go to your local ER or call a crisis hotline if you are feeling desperate. I don't want anything to happen to you. You are far too precious. hugs

i agree why keep going only to be in deep pain and despair.? no one seems to care, no one listens ,i don't know about you all i get is criticise and ignored i long for death to come . maybe about the same as you do.

Life is such a struggle, especially when you are chronically depressed. I think folks mean well when they tell you things will get better and it's they're not they're lying it's that they (nor you) know the time frame. Life is cyclic, things are bad then things get better - please hang in there til it changes cycles again..

I'm sorry to hear you say this heretic. But you know I was just feeling so depressed last nite, I didn't want to go to work, and then once I got to work, I didn't want to come home...
idk what it is but i'm feeling really down and gloomy also....its just a dead feeling...like im just existing. sometimes Im ok, really and then sometimes I just kinda lose it and don't want to go on in this life. I know my life is hell as I see it. noone can really tell me any different at 50yrs old, sometimes I just want to quit trying. ya know? Just quit.

what do you think about checking yourself in to a partial hospital program right now? when i was in there, people there were in the fram of mind you were in, myself included.

i agree, it's so hard when things just don't ever turn around. don't leave tho. it's not time yet perhaps. i'm not a trained suicide hotline person, so i don't want to say the wrong thing, but i do know how you feel heretic, i really do.

Please don't check out of life, Heretic, there is much to live for you just can't see it. I've had my own struggles over the years, thought about ending it all (thought about how much better things would be) but I just can't do it. I feel like I've got more to live for.

If nothing else we're here for you. I'm not sure how to say this to you, I'm not a suicide prevention hotline person, all I can say is there are people who would miss you and care about you. You've come here to talk about what is going on in you head and heart. Please don't do anything to take you away from us.

please write and let us know you are still among the living

I'm still alive and wishing so badly I wasn't.

What people don't understand is that I've had no reason to live for years now. Over the years my life has gotten worse and worse. I was going to kill myself last year because I was worried that I would have to face another hellish year - turns out the following year was worse than I could have ever imagined.

I don't want to take the chance of facing more hell in the upcoming year. I want this life OVER. It sucks in every way possible. And it's only gonna get worse. As of Feb I am cut off of food stamps and can't get to the food bank because I don't have the bus faire nor the time off of work to do so. So I will be starving.

So rather than die of starvation why not die a peaceful death? We all have to die sometime - who's to say we are supposed to suffer as long as our physical bodies hold out? How about when you mentally give out? Live in a mental hospital till the body gives out? Ridiculous. No point to that at all.

I won't be able to work much longer because of my mental health deteriorating, right now I can only do 3-4 hours a day which the entire check goes to my rent each week. And I soon won't be able to do even that. So I'm facing living on the street. And in this town I most definitely would be better off dead than living homeless.

If I check into a hospital the managers at the motel I live in will throw all my stuff in the dumpster and I'll be homeless with only the clothes on my back when I get out of the hospital. I'll have no where to go, no food and no money because I missed work do to being in the hospital. Will the hospital pay my rent? It's ridiculous. If I was homeless I'd be at the hospital ALL THE TIME - I'd have no where else to be and I bet they'd ban me because the really can't do a damn thing to fix any of my problems.

I need help. I need someone living with me sharing the load. I've needed that for years now. But I have to face reality. It's not going to happen. I guess when I run out of food and have to choose between starvation (a slow painful death) and a quick, painless death - what would be the sane choice?

I need a person in real life helping me. But it's not gonna happen so fuck it. I'm outta here

i feel the same way. i have no answers.

Heretic .. I know you are not homeless at this time but this link offers OTHER services which can help you. Please check it out:

http://www.homelessshelterdirectory.org/cgi-bin/id/city.cgi?city=Las%20Vegas&state=NV

Heretic, you have been a good friend to many of us here. I'm so sorry you are suffering so much. Its terrible you are losing your food stamps. That is being added on top of all the other things you are suffering with. And you have suffered so long without things ever seeming to get better. I can see how all that can pile up and make you feel like giving up. Please don't, though. One thing I have learned is that life is never as bad and as hopeless as it seems when you are in a deep depression. I'm not sure what the answer is, but I'm sure there is an answer out there somewhere. I'm sure there is someone who could help you. Maybe a social worker, maybe a friend or family member, maybe a church. Please dont give up yet. Please keep trying to find someone to help you.

Hi Heretic, I was wondering what kind of work do you do? Do you live alone or with family or friends live with you? I spend a lot of time alone. I have a very small dog to help keep me company. She really makes me laugh sometimes. When I leave the house she cries. But when I come home she jumps for joy. Do you have a pet? Do you like cats or dogs? My dog senses my low feelings when I'm depressed. She just sits and watches me, she don't know how to help. I have two friends that went the the er at the hospital and told them how depressed they were. They admitted them and got them started on some medications to help the chemical inbalance they were having. When they got that leveled out they went and live in a halfway house with some others who were expericing the same illness. As they improved those people at the social workers trained them to do jobs that would help them make more money to support themselves. One of the ladies is now raising her grand children and works with computers. It's been about two years later for the olther lady and she found someone at work to love and they married. Both have to be careful and not forget their medicines or the imbalance will start again. Before you try to stop the pain permently, just give up and let someone worry for you and care for you till you are strong enough to take the roll again. Just go to the ER or call 911. I am praying for you. let me know what you decided to do before you do anything.

I've been where you are so many times...and on 12/23 i attempted to take my own life with an insulin overdoes. after 4 days in a coma, 2 on the regular floor with a full time guard and then 5 days in the psyche ward...trust me...you do not want to go this route.

I survived but I have lost everything. My belongings, my job which wasn't great, my apartment...everything. I had to make a decision in the hospital...either go back to the life i knew where i wanted to die everyday or change my life so the things that got to me couldn't anymore.

That's what you have to do. Something has to change in order to change how your feeling.

Please feel free to write if you need to talk. I promise to understand what you are saying and feeling.

Nancy