Hello Heidiclark, I wish I could give you some pointers on this or some advice how to not let it effect you. I'm the same way. College, work is torture for me..Going out in public is the same. I hate it. I'm so stressed and panicked when I have to. Like you, I worry about what other people think of me. It is easier said than done, not to fret about this.

My therapist, my psychiatrist all believe that this will work itself out. I don't know what I believe because I have been this way since a child. It is hell is what I know for a fact. I wish I had the power to take this way from you so you can enjoy the holiday with your son. I just wanted you to know your not alone...Take care of yourself...

You have a husband and son, so you are not as anti-social as others. You were able to meet your husband and have a baby. Maybe it's just me, but I think that's good. If this Christmas gathering is with in laws, try to keep up with your husband. Use him as your coat of armor, or even keep your son with you as a sense of safety.

You can even think of conversation before hand. Most people say 'Hi, how have you been? What have you been up to?" So think about what you would want to share. I have some social anxiety too, and I also worry about what people think of me. I hate being the center of attention and I get very upset and anxious when I know people are laughing at me.

I remember I had a hole in my pants and I wore them anyway, thinking no one would see it, but these 3 teenage girls saw and were laughing. I had been waiting for the bus and when it came they got on and I waiting for another one because I couldn't bare to ride with them knowing they had been laughing at me. Most people wouldn't have missed their bus for that, but I was that embarrassed.

Also, if you can, get the party early or on time so that you are not the last people coming in and there are more people to stare and notice you when you get there. That's another trick I do with parties.

Hi honey
Do you think you have more of Agoraphobia rather than social anxiety? There are times when I can go to the store and I talk like a rambling idiot, and other times I want to run for the hills and hide because the people make me so anxious and nervous. I am so glad you have your sweety son ( how is he doing by the way?) and a husband. There have been times where I am good to just stay in my Mobile Home Park. Other times I have panic attacks just trying to walk to the store without having a nervous breakdown from the cars running over the grates in the road or all the gibberish going on in the store. That may be a bit over exaggerated but I think you know what I mean. I will pmessage you. Big Hugs GB

Thank you all for your support. It help just to talk about it. I actually met my husband before the social anxiety started. I was much more friendly and out going. Everything gor worse after I met my husband and moved back to my home state. (not because of my husband, though, he has been a saint all these years). My husband has styed with me and although my son does not live with us, we do have him on the weekends.

ohiogirl, I am so sorry your anxety has gone on this long for you. For me I had many good years of having friends and being social before it all started

I have had that constant thinking and also that 'my mind is blank, I have nothing to say' stuff. it is anxiety, and it does go when you start to cure.

Have your christmas. If you're like me your bad experiences are usually in advance, in your head, and the real thing is not generally that bad.

When you don't know what to say, get other people talking. Being a good listener (nodding etc and looking like you are interested) is an easy role to play although I found in the severe stages of anxiety I could not retain what they were saying so it was constant thinking: what am I being told? what is the correct response? LOL.

finally I knew what it must be like to be autistic or something. I did not have normal emotional reactions to things.

Anyway you'll be fine. Practice a few things to talk about, read the newspaper a bit, make some cue cards to help you remember.

Fake it till you make it. ;)

Definitely what goes through my mind prior to the holiday is much worse than anything that actually happens. Also when I am with people I am pretty good at getting them to talk by asking a lot of quesitons. I supppose that could get annoying for the other person but there are alwasy those who like to talk about themselves.

Hello Heidiclark...I relate to the social anxiety you experience... What you wrote made me think of Elaine Aron's work on the HSP trait. You might want to check out the HSP test here:

http://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/

My estranged wife told others that I had Asperger's which was not the case, however, when I read Dr. Aron's book, the feeling of being understood was powerful. You might relate to the HSP characteristics, maybe not, but I thought it was worth putting it on the table for you to look at. All the best!

If you're talking about the Agoraphobia and Social Anxiety group then yea it is pretty empty, but the Anxiety group is pretty active, you should try checking that one out if you haven't.

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Anxiety/support-group

I too suffer from social anxiety, I always feel like people are laughing at me behind my back or talking about me behind my back. I have been pretty aggressive in the past so it's no wonder if they do. I can get mad and show my selfishness in a hurry if I don't take care. I work very hard to not be aggressive, but to still be assertive in a way that is helpful to myself and others. I think that part of what caused a rift between me and my second ex husband was that he had so many damned relatives and we had to go to 2 or 3 different damned dinners for Thanksgiving and Christmas. All with people who were a heck of a lot richer than me. After 8 years I got to the place where I would just go for a damned long walk everytime we went to one of those dinners because nobody ever talked to me anyway. I wouldn't come back till it was time to go home.

@whatswrong--- wow, sorry to hear that you had to put up with so many rough holidays. Sounds like you are in a better place now.

@pekelo---took the test and yup, I am definitely a HSP. But there were some interesting things on the test that I didnt' think about like having a rich inner life, being tuned in to other people's emotions, and having a great appreciation for art and music. Thought that was interesting.

@ am checking out the anxiety group right now----thanks!

Somebody told me that what others think of me is none of my business. I have very similar problems with anxiety, especially anticipatory anxiety. Once I get going on something the anxiety lessens. Breathe deeply! I hope your Christmas is enjoyable no matter what you decide to do.

Hello there Heidiclark.

Just like you, I didn't have social anxiety until recently. I am an outgoing person, I love to interact, share stories and experiences with people, and I have been a "worship leader" who leads the whole church congregation during Sunday services in our local church.

So here's my story. There have been false accusations made against me. Accusations which cannot be proven, but has been spread out through rumor and gossip by those people around me. People I consider as friends, homies, trustworthy neighbors, and even my "spiritual" family. It has been spread to almost everyone that I know. And when I go out with meet them, or when we hang out, or when I meet them along the way, they will find a way to bring up the topic of false accusations and taunt me, harass me, and even play around with my feeling using that. I experienced this numerous times, I even lost count.

Now, I am afraid to interact with society because I have developed this phobia, or anxiety that these people will play around with me or harass me verbally, or hurt my emotions because of that, or even accuse me of the same old story again and again. They are always beating in a dead horse.

I have coped up somehow. I usually listen to motivational speeches, watch inspiring movies, listen to upbeat songs, browe youtube and check on this topic of social anxiety (I found out that I am not an isolated case - a lot of us are out there and let me say YOU ARE NOT ALONE =D), and I make myself busy in doing productive things. Perhaps this might help you too.

I wish you and your family a life changing holiday season!

Thank you all for your comments. I am actually doing better with the anxiety. I joined the anxiety group and have also been reaching out and talking about it.

Social anxiety sometimes stop doing things and make use alone in holidays which me it worse.. Try going out and meet others its all in our mind, it will take time but useful..
Try therapy and counselling to improve your social anxiety.