I'm new to this. Not good at opening up to people at all. Figured faceless strangers might be easier. I'm in my mid-40s, have fought depression since I was a kid but it got infinitely worse when I turned 40. For the first time, I sought treatment from a dr. almost three years ago. Have gone through multiple meds since then. They work for a little while then just don't. I was doing okay till end of last summer. Oldest daughter got angry and moved out. She's shacking up with a loser druggie who won't work, lives off her or his friends, and he recently totaled her vehicle (DUI plus much more) so she now has to walk to work. Middle daughter left for college halfway across the country at about the same time. Youngest daughter went into a depression and attempted suicide in November. I've been sinking ever since. Back to crying all the time, which makes my job difficult to do. Now my husband of more than 20 years told me two days ago that he doesn't love me anymore but he doesn't want to do anything until the youngest graduates from high school. He hopes we can pretend until then. I have lost my best friend, lover, husband, confidant all at once. The only decent female friend I had was a coworker 20 years younger than me and she's found someone her own age to hang around with and we don't really talk anymore. I don't get along with my sisters well and wouldn't dream of confiding in them. I feel entirely alone. I haven't contemplated suicide since I was a teenager. But when my husband told me that the other night and how it's all just too much and how badly my depression is affecting my kids, I thought for the first time how they would just be better off without me. I've failed in everything. I'm a failure as a wife. A failure as a mother. Even a failure at my job. Don't know where to turn and don't know if I care anymore.