Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

24,601 Members

160,807 Posts

1 Online

AprilStar 02/20/2013

I'm scared. I don't know what to do.
Was at a counselor appointment today and lost it. Don't remember most of the appointment, but it's left me feeling . . . . I'm not really sure what, but not good . . .
There's a part of me that's wanting to die.
I'm so confused, and frustrated, and can't think straight. Started crying at work today for no reason, a couple of times, luckily no one else was around when it happened.
I'm exhausted, but can't sleep. And if I do sleep I wake up from nightmares. The thought of trying to eat anything makes me feel nauseous.
My bosses left today on vacation, which means I'm in charge of the store while they're gone. Which means I have to remain functioning to some degree right now, and I don't know how I'm going to do it. Holding on to my sanity, holding myself to together, for even one more night, sounds impossible. There's no way I can do it for a whole 10 days.
I don't know what I'm going to do. :'(

chelle37 02/20/2013

I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now! Have you ever felt this way before, as far as wanting to die and trying to hold on to your sanity? Do you live by yourself or with others? Just wondering if you're by yourself or if you have support there with you? Try to just focus on the present right now, as far as getting through tonight, and take things day by day.

AprilStar 02/20/2013

I've attempted suicide a few times in the past (last month was the last time that happened). Used to cut a lot as well, though I've not done that for a year now. Live with 3 roommates, but I can't let them know about this.

chelle37 02/20/2013

Are you thinking of hurting yourself tonight, or just really anxious? Does your therapist know how bad you were feeling when you left? Just wondering if you're able to see her again soon? How come you can't let your roommates know what's going on, do you not trust them?

AprilStar 02/20/2013

Both. Want to hurt myself, even though I know I shouldn't. And anxious about everything.
My next appointment is in 2 weeks. She wanted it next week but I'm working. She's not my normal counselor, so I can't tell her everything because it's too hard. (my normal one is away sick). A friend came with me today though. And she knows what's happening kind of.
And I've only been living with these roommates for a year. Didn't know them before that. So they don't really know anything about my life. I don't trust almost anyone. It's too hard.
But . . . I'm scared now . . . of myself and what I might do. And I just want to cry.

sugar09 02/21/2013

Hi AprilStar ~ I'm sorry you are going through such a bad time. If you can't talk to your roommates, then please get some help from your local hotline. We do care about you, and it sounds like you need to tell someone what is going on.

Giver34 02/21/2013

I just want you to know that you are not alone. I'm dealing with somewhat similar feelings. I have a toxic work enviroment. My supervisor is quite literally pushing me over the brink. I was sobbing on the bus today on my way in.

I hope you feel better soon.

Hugs

AprilStar 02/21/2013

Thanks everyone. Not feeling any better, but at least I know I'm not alone in this.
@Giver - love your avatar!

deleted_user 02/22/2013

I think I understand what you are going through. Is it the overwhelming desire to close your eyes and never open them again because it hurts so much? Maybe its different for you, but for me I just want to forget the world exists and just melt away. And each day it seems harder to hold up the pretence of being okay. I know I would never hurt myself, but the temptation to just not wake up is there. I'm jealous and resentful of those who make it look so easy. And I can't tell anyone because I'm afraid they'll lock me up and I'll lose my kids. The fear, anxiety, sadness, and anger make it so hard to survive the day. But I've learned that I'm not alone and I'm stronger for it. You are only as alone as you allow yourself to be.

AK32 02/25/2013

April Star, have you tried calling one of the hotlines? I know that information has been posted on here a couple of times.

AprilStar 02/25/2013

No, don't want to call anyone.

Join the Conversation