Hi AprilStar, Did something happen to trigger your feelings? What kinds of things help usually when you feel this way?

I don't know, I had a bad day. I really don't know what helps.

It can be hard to think of things when you're stressed. If you want to talk about it (or write), I'd be happy to listen. Are you alone at home? If so do you have any friends or family you can call to be with you so you don't have to feel this way alone at home? Is it late at night where you live? I was just thinking if not maybe a walk to clear your head would be good. If it is late, I know for me it helps to take a hot bath and just try to get some sleep when I'm overwhelmed by things.

I'm not alone, but my roommate's asleep. It's 1:15a.m. here. I would love to get some sleep, but when I'm feeling like this it seems like trying to do that just makes me think about everything more and it just gets worse.
Anyways, I had an appointment with my counselor this morning, and she was asking some very difficult questions. Then I had class a got my mid-term marks back. Well, I failed that. Then after that I had an appointment with my psychiatrist, and now he's trying to find a different psychiatrist to send me to because he doesn't think he can help me.
So basically, I already wasn't feeling the greatest from my counselor appointment, then I got my test and felt like a complete failure, then I met my Dr. and now everything seems even more hopeless, if he's admitting that there's nothing he can do to help me.
Therefore, what point is there? Kind of at a loss right now and don't know what to do. Feeling like I want to die, or at least hurt myself in some way, yet knowing somewhere in my mind that I'm not supposed to do that.
Problem is, the feelings are getting stronger, and even though I know I shouldn't do something like that, I don't really know why not? Who cares?

That really is a lot to have happen in a day. I can see why you're upset. For me when I'm overwhelmed it helps me to break things down, like to look at each issue individually. I'm not sure what the questions from the counselor were about, what I do know about therapy though for me anyway was that it got worse before it got better. It was worth for me in the end though to answer and examine the tough questions I needed to. With the mid-term grade, I'd say just try not to be too hard on yourself about it. All you can do now is try your best to do what you need to for the rest of the quarter. Did you feel like you had been working hard at the class and still didn't do well, or was that you weren't able to put much effort into it for whatever reason? Is it an option to drop the class and retake it if you need to? Is it just that class or are you feeling like school is just too much in general right now? As far as the psychiatrist goes, try not to take that too personally (easier said then done I know). It may just be that whatever your diagnosis is he doesn't feel like he's qualified in so he wants you to see someone with more expertise in that area.

With the mid-term I thought I had done ok on the test after I wrote it, until today anyways. I already had to drop this class last year and I'm retaking it now, I really can't drop it again. School is very stressful right now, but I'm getting a lot of help, and I know I have to do it or I'll feel even more like a complete failure in life.
As for my psychiatrist, it's not that he's not qualified, he's the head of the psychiatry department here. He told me he just didn't feel like he was getting anywhere with me. I think he said something about finding me a female psychiatrist, because maybe I'll be able to talk to her better, but the way he said it, it honestly felt like he thought I was hopeless and he doesn't want to waste anymore of his time with me.
My counselor, I think I'd just rather not get into that right now. It's just too much at the moment.

I can see where the talk with the psychiatrist would be hurtful, but do you think it would be better to see a female? Maybe it will turn out for the best in the end. I think it makes sense that it's a hard night for you, I think it would be hard for anyone to have all those things happen in one day. Plus it sounds like it's a stressful part of the school term and you have high expectations for yourself. Do you think it would help to call your counselor tomorrow and tell her what's going on? I know she knows about what you were processing with her, but tell her about the other things and that you were worried about hurting yourself