Hi there, I'm in pretty much the same spot. Together 13 years, married for 11, with an almost four year old, and my husband has had depression for about 4 years. At wits end. Don't even recognize him anymore and don't actually like him anymore. Trying to decide if it's best to leave but really don't know what is best for my son. Waiting to do counselling so we shall see. How are you doing?

Hi. I'm hanging in there. Most days I let my job and kids consume me so I don't have to think about him. The evenings are difficult because I miss our routine of spending time together. Some days I don't even want to look at him. I feel guilty for being mad at him for something he has no control over. I'm trying to figure out if I should keep sticking it out or not. I feel like I'm living in a state of limbo. I have sons as well and I worry about how much of an effect this will have on them. I hope you get results from counseling. I can't get him to agree to it. Sending you good vibes.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I'm not married nor do I have kids with my guy ( I do have kids from my previous marriage) and he won't do counseling either. He thinks he can fight it on his own but he's been trying for a few years now and its not working, its like he keeps falling deeper and deeper. I also feel angry and resentful sometimes and I also wonder if I should stick it out. My friends tell me that I should just away and find somebody that will treat me how I deserve but then I think that it is not his fault and he also deserves somebody to love him. It is not for the faint of heart, is not for everybody, not everybody is strong enough to handle a depress significant other. About a week ago he told me didn't want to see me anymore cause he makes me sad and he can't make me happy, he doesn't even want to see me or talk to me. I've tried reaching out but he has completely withdrew.
Hope things work out for the best - stay strong.

I only have a few tips...of course none of them are an all-encompassing fix.
First, read the book "Depression Fallout" by Anne Sheffield, try not to do it from a place of bitterness though.
Second, try to think of him or her as having a chronic brain illness. If my husband had cancer and needed to spend some days in bed, or bit my head off once in awhile, I think I'd be pretty compassionate. BUT I would ask him to please get chemotherapy and counselling to work through his illness.
Maybe explain to your spouse you're trying to view his depression this way, and he'll see your effort and be more receptive to your suggestions.

This will be like this for life. Ask around this site and see how many have over come this in a marriage with kids.

I just wanted to reply so that you know you are not alone in feeling the way you do. It's easy for others to say "leave him" or "stay with him" but it's your heart that needs to make the decision. I am also asking myself the same question and have actually started looking for places to live as a safety net. That does not mean that I have made up my mind to leave though. I just want to be prepared. In my case, my fiance's depression and his lack of affection, energy and not wanting kids any more, has made me very angry. We fight all the time because I want more affection and he wants me to be "kind". I'm telling you this so hopefully you don't allow your relationship get this way. Whether that means leaving to save yourself or staying but also taking time for yourself and your well-being - that's up to you. So in answer to your question - when does this end? The unfortunate answer is - it doesn't. But realizing that and ultimately accepting it is strangely liberating. And once again, you are not alone - and if you decide to leave, you are not a bad person. If you decide to stay, you are not a weak person. You are simply in a tough situation with a really tough decision to make. You might not be ready to make it just yet - which is totally understandable. When you're ready, you'll know what to do. At least, that's what I keep telling myself, too :)

Hi, I was just wondering how things are for u?
I am in the same boat and I frequently feel like I'm either bipolar or skitzophrenic because of the different feelings I feel from one day to the next. My husband swings completely and his bad days are really bad- no eye contact no communication and so definately no affection. We have two young children and I hate those bad days because I get so low I know it effects them... but I keep holding on... I speak to a counsellor more regularly then he does and I'm constantly wondering how much longer I can mentally deal with this up and down roller coaster... but I'm still here and we do have some good days (when they are good they are perfect) so I guess it's all just a personal thing and all I know is that if I can't truly make a decision to leave then that means there's still hope ... it's when all hope goes that u can walk away and not have any regrets or "what ifs".
Nobody can tell u when that is and there is no right or wrong because every relationship is different and every depression shows diffferently. I know some of my friends wouldn't even be phased with how my husband is but I do and it effects me badly because my language of love is emotional connection and words... without them I feel empty.... so that's why it's so hard for me. Just try to keep busy enough to make urself feel good... I've started doing a workout whenever he shuts me out and funny enough it's made me loose weight and now I do feel quite good... hopefully things just get easier to handle... thinking of you and wishing u only stronger and better days xxx