Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
It has been a while since I’ve posted. I regularly read what other members write, because it helps me remember that I’m not the only one struggling. This week has been especially hard, and I figured it would be good for my mental state if I vent a little. I have been in therapy, which I have found very helpful, but my next appointment is a couple of weeks away. My partner and I have been together for 2 years. I knew what I was getting into - she told me she battled severe depression when we met. Well, I thought I knew what I was getting into; unless you have dealt with depression - you really don’t understand how powerful it is. While we have been together, she has gone through oodles of meds, two 14-session rounds of ECT, Ketomine treatments, etc. She is unable to work. She doesn’t have the energy to help with anything in our out of the house. Heck - a good portion of the time she is unable to get out of bed, many times for days on end. We haven’t had any intimacy in our relationship for about 16 months. Though we live together, she got an apartment for her to go to when she is having severe lows, so nobody sees her and so she doesn’t have to put on an act like everything is ok. Some weeks she will spend 2-3 days there. Though I am supportive and try my best to be patient and understanding, I find myself getting overwhelmed sometimes. Of course I can’t show it. I have been trying to focus on my own health, but find myself getting dragged-down by her depression. Always having to be the strong and responsible one is tiring. Being the only one that works, cooks, cleans, shops, plans, and puts effort into our relationship takes a lot out of me. My mom passed away this week, and though I know my partner does care, because she is having low days - I am comforting and taking care of her. I know relationships can’t always be 50/50. But when you are with somebody who has severe depression- sometimes you are lucky if it is 90/10. I’d take 95/5 right now. My partner is amazing, and I love her dearly. I have no plans to leave her. Some days I just feeling like screaming, and being able to post here helps. Thank you for listening.
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Hi All.... It's great to see all of the new people joining the site... I'm loving it!!...smileI'm not sure if people are aware that if you don't have Bipolar Disorder but have a loved one who has the disorder we do have a board for people to go to in order to share their experiences and seek friendship, support or adviseIt's the Friends and Family of Bipolar Board.... I hope you'll take a...
Thank you for posting.
I fully align with almost everything you wrote. I feel like my life is 90-10 as well, and it is very difficult to be a spouse to someone with severe depression.
I would also like to send my condolences to you. I have not lost a parent yet, but I would imagine it is painful.
Best of luck on your journey.
I'm going to ask the question that probably nobody else will....why do you stay? What do you see getting out of this experience in the future?
I'm BiPolar of 29 years, the suicidal depressed type....I was married for 25 years, raised 2 amazing sons, but I managed my Mental Illness, worked my Treatment Plan, did every type of Therapy there was. I was married to a functioning alcoholic who liked to have affairs and was very emotionally unavailable most of the time, but I stayed because I was the Educated one, I was the Bread Winner, I was the one who took care of my Children. I stayed until 1 day I woke up and realized my oldest son was 18, my youngest was 11 and my husband and I lived like roommates, he on the couch for the past 2 years...and not roommates who got along particularly well.
That wasn't a life, it was an existence and I deserved a life....all the hell I'd been through in my then 42 years on the planet...I deserved a life...so I took my youngest and moved out.
It wasn't easy, ever, my last major Suicidal Depressive event was in 2010 and I spent 3 months in the hospital and did ECT 3 times a week for 14 weeks. Started inpatient and finished outpatient.....it saved my life and gave me back my will to live.
I understand supporting the people you love and seeing them through tough times....but to what end? At what point is their existence more important than yours?
Please don't take this as crass, my career was in Mental Health at one time and I'm truly curious what makes you stay.
Take care,
Kat
Take care,
Kat