Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
Ok -we are on day three of no drinking and that means day three of being a total pain. He is not speaking to me. The focus is on how nothing worked out the way he planned. Life sucks. The first year or two of our mrriage was "so great" according to him and then it changed...oh you mean I, an only child who's dad unexpectedly died the first year of our marriage took care of my mom who went blind literally overnight and then went on dialysis and became an amputee for 8 years till I signed a DNR and she died and you were not first every moment of every day? I expected too much to expect you to understand that I thought you were my partner helping me and taking care of things I could not like our child sometimes or making dinner or just taking care of the home while I coudl not? So this means I CHOSE her over you???? I was supposed to just put my mom who was only 54 when she went blind overnight in a home? And who was going to pay for this? My parents were self employed....
So now he is having a very rough time. I hate when he is like this. Tonihght I got to hear his suicide plan again. I have heard the suicide plan sooooo many times and while I take it very seriously I just have to not react. But I get so angry now when it comes up. When he was in his early 20's he told his mom once he was thinking about suicide and he says she told him "go ahead just don;t do it in my house". He harps on that and now years later I believe she probably did say it but in the situation I am in, I can see how she may have aid it too. I sometimes just think in my head "go ahead and do it cuz I am just tired of this" in my head. I just have ebough control to not say it. But I know I am not the only one on here who hasnt thought that - its natural to just want this stress to go away.
He needs to start going to a therapist. His Therapist office closed in February and they have not reopened. The panned to. The pdoc moved to another office in April and he has gotten back with her but he LOVED the therapist - thought he finally found a good one and she has not started practicing anywhere yet. he needs one. Its been 5 months since he saw one. and he is starting to drive me bonkers. Tonight he said he doesnt think there is any point to going to therapy cuz its pointless anyway becuase things "never change".
Says that if it was not for our son, he would kill himself tomorrow. I used to get all worked up when he would day that but now I have decided if it happens it happens and there is nothing I can do about it anymore. He has been in a hospital so much he wont go anymore and he is also highly functional when he needs to be so he knows how to "play the game" and say what he needs to say to get out of the hospital so that is useless.
I have done this so much that the way I deal with it is that I have a plan. I know who I would call first and I have planned the funeral in my head, how I would pay for it. I heve even called the insurance company to investigate the pay out of he commits suicide. I have imagined what I would do and how I will react when the police come to my door to tell me they found him. How I will tell my son, what I will do about work and how much time I would take off. I am angry and upset that I live like this sometimes.
Can you all tell this is a bad week....I took 3 days off next week cuz my son is going away on a school trip and we never have time to spend alone and now I am wondering do I even want to...sigh.
This phase does have the potential to end if he just gets thru the first week of no drinking and sometimes my prsence, when persistent, can break a mood...I am just tired of the Jeckyll and Hyde I live with sometimes.
Oh the anxiety that builds as I drive home from work,,,which husband will greet me when I walk in the door?
So now he is having a very rough time. I hate when he is like this. Tonihght I got to hear his suicide plan again. I have heard the suicide plan sooooo many times and while I take it very seriously I just have to not react. But I get so angry now when it comes up. When he was in his early 20's he told his mom once he was thinking about suicide and he says she told him "go ahead just don;t do it in my house". He harps on that and now years later I believe she probably did say it but in the situation I am in, I can see how she may have aid it too. I sometimes just think in my head "go ahead and do it cuz I am just tired of this" in my head. I just have ebough control to not say it. But I know I am not the only one on here who hasnt thought that - its natural to just want this stress to go away.
He needs to start going to a therapist. His Therapist office closed in February and they have not reopened. The panned to. The pdoc moved to another office in April and he has gotten back with her but he LOVED the therapist - thought he finally found a good one and she has not started practicing anywhere yet. he needs one. Its been 5 months since he saw one. and he is starting to drive me bonkers. Tonight he said he doesnt think there is any point to going to therapy cuz its pointless anyway becuase things "never change".
Says that if it was not for our son, he would kill himself tomorrow. I used to get all worked up when he would day that but now I have decided if it happens it happens and there is nothing I can do about it anymore. He has been in a hospital so much he wont go anymore and he is also highly functional when he needs to be so he knows how to "play the game" and say what he needs to say to get out of the hospital so that is useless.
I have done this so much that the way I deal with it is that I have a plan. I know who I would call first and I have planned the funeral in my head, how I would pay for it. I heve even called the insurance company to investigate the pay out of he commits suicide. I have imagined what I would do and how I will react when the police come to my door to tell me they found him. How I will tell my son, what I will do about work and how much time I would take off. I am angry and upset that I live like this sometimes.
Can you all tell this is a bad week....I took 3 days off next week cuz my son is going away on a school trip and we never have time to spend alone and now I am wondering do I even want to...sigh.
This phase does have the potential to end if he just gets thru the first week of no drinking and sometimes my prsence, when persistent, can break a mood...I am just tired of the Jeckyll and Hyde I live with sometimes.
Oh the anxiety that builds as I drive home from work,,,which husband will greet me when I walk in the door?
It's also the withdrawal from no drinking that's making him a bit 'crazy', for the lack of better word.
I know mine does have suicide ideation sometimes, as I read the doctors reports, but he has no plans to act on it.
I hope he gets thru this week, then the 2nd week, then the 3rd.....