I guess the 6 people you knew with Depression didn't have it severe enough.

How do you figure she's found someone else when she can barely function enough to live? Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?

This is severe Depression, the i can't get out of be, it hurts to breathe, i can't be around anyone because i can't come up with conversation and its too hard to bathe or cleanup Depression.

You need to decide whether you can deal with this or not, because she was very clear with you about her illness and now you've seen it. This is not something that goes away quickly, it can lasts for weeks or months.

I didn't see anything in your posts about her Treatment plan, i.e. medications and Therapy. If she;s not treating her Depression then it doesn't get better, it will be like this until someday when it decides not to and there isn't anything you can do about it.

With Depression this Severe she needs to be in Treatment because Suicidal thoughts, or threats or plans usually are part of the package.

@oldercper
All the other people I know who’ve had major depression including someone I lived with for several years were all medicated, seeing a therapist, or both. Unfortunately, she refuses to do either and I’m guessing that this is not the best time to start asking her to especially since I barely see her.
I have anxiety which kicked up to an 11 when this started. I woke up last week consumed with unfounded fears, immediately made an appt with my dr and am on a med and seeing a therapist for the first time this Thursday to combat it. She’s aware of this and really supportive of me doing it, but gets very quiet and withdrawn when I ask her about her past therapy and medication usage.
When she told me about her depression she made it seem like while she pushes everyone away, it lasts for a couple weeks at most and then she’s back. I’ve asked her why she thinks this one is different and she’s mentioned originally that she thought maybe it was stronger because she care so deeply for me which is new to her. As the couple weeks past, she’s grown sick from the antibiotics which make her so tired that she immediately goes to sleep after being at work all day, and she’s far more distant with me emotionally.
I would love some advice on broaching the subject of treatment with her. I’d also love to hear others stories about their loved ones after the depression subsided. I don’t want to make any decisions about leaving her until she comes back and we can talk while she’s in a more positive state.

@LostintheMidwest:
My girlfriend has severe depression. I thought things were great the first few weeks of our relationship, but have since realized that she was just putting on a mask for me. I think many with depression pretend to be okay to the outside world, which is exhausting. She goes into deep lows where she won't get out of bed, appears emotionless and wants no interaction with anybody. Sometimes it lasts days, sometimes it lasts weeks or even months. She hasn't touched me (not just sexually - I mean we haven't even held hands) for about 9 months. I have felt helpless, insecure, unloved, unwanted, taken advantage of, etc. When she is in a low we don't discuss anything - she is in no state to do that. When she is having better days we talk about it all and work through how to communicate during her lows. A big reason why I stay is because she is very active in her battle with depression - she goes to therapy, has tried all kinds of meds, has gone through 2 rounds of ECT, tried Ketamine infusions, etc. There are times when I can see who she really is and I am in love with that person. If she were not in treatment I would not stay. It is beyond tough to support somebody with depression - it drains you. I have found that going to therapy and focusing on my own physical and mental health is what keeps me sane. I can only tell you that severe depression isn't something that just goes away. It doesn't get better at all without help.

As a female with depression, I can somewhat relate to how she’s acting. Not to that extent but everyone is different. When you date someone with depression there may be frequent periods like this or times where it does not happen for 6 months, etc. the best you can do is be patient but not too overbearing and see how things go. You will be able to tell if she’s not interested.

Update: We spoke on the phone last night after she cancelled plans last minute again. She asked how many times she's cancelled in the last two weeks and it's been 6 times. I didn't realize it had been so many until she asked. I let her know that I would support her and be patient as long as she actually wanted me to. I let her know that I had done so much reading on depression and knew that feelings can be muted or totally numb during an episode and I wasn't sure if that is what is happening or if she is trying to distance herself for another reason. She said that pushing people away like this was what she always did. It's the only thing that she knows how to do. It's hard for her to say that she loves me because she doesn't actively feel it at the moment. In fact, after saying it twice to her, she didn't say it back. Which is a first and I tried not to take personally. I asked if she knew if she wanted to continue our relationship now and when the episode was over and she very quickly said "of course! Of course I do".

After being off the antibiotics, she was hoping that her fatigue would lift and help her depression, but trouble at work has just kept her in the same dark place. She actually cried on the phone and told me she didn't even know why she was crying, but that I have been so open and honest and she hasn't felt like she's been able to give me the same effort that I deserve. And in this state, she doesn't feel like she's giving me what I need out of our relationship. She almost never shows anyone her vulnerable side and nearly never cries in front of someone.

Because she cancelled, she asked for Saturday for us to be together (Sunday is my birthday). When we talked this morning, I reminded her of Saturday and she started making non-committal statements like "might" or "should" as far as our plans for tomorrow (Saturday). My best friend invited her to come to dinner with us for my birthday on Sunday and she said she hadn't replied because she's depressing to be around and no one wants someone that negative there. I assured her that her presence was negative like she thought and that both of us understood and still wanted her to come. Is there anything that I can/should say to help get through to her? Convince her that spending time around someone instead of staying in bed is beneficial?

LostintheMidwest,

Let me say something very honestly: there have been times in my life when I was in love with helping someone, and not in love with the person needing the help. In my case, this was because I felt a rush from being a "hero". In the relationship, my girlfriend's issues were ever-present and, importantly, not fought against. This produced an almost addictive-level neediness that fit perfectly with my addiction-level hero mindset. I do not know if this is your situation, but would ask you to consider why you are with her.

It all comes down to her willingness to help herself.

I ended up leaving the relationship because she was not at a point in her life to fight against her issues. Though I was filled with guilt, I understood that the first spark of self-care must start from the inside. No matter how much care you give, it is essentially unproductive if they don't share in the effort to seek help. I do not write this reply with a desire to cause you pain; rather, I see kindness in your heart and hope that you can see clearly whether this person is open to help or not.