Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
hi everyone, I’m new to the group so please bear with me!
my partners been suffering with depression for 20 years. I’ve periodically throughout that time asked him to receive help for his issues, but his utter refusal to deal with anything culminated in him having a breakdown in September.
I’ve been there for him everyday, juggling work and our 2 children as well as dealing with his bouts of anger, his appointments, the days where he just wants to cry, etc. He’s finally realis d that he can’t cope with his issues, and has seeked help through outside services, and to a degree they are helping.
But his anger at me specifically is now taking its toll on my health. I am not the reason for his issues, but I get the brunt of everything, whereas the person who has caused his pain gets none of this. He has verbalised some of his troubles to this person, but nothing like the venom that I receive when he is feeling down. I’m trying to understand that it’s just the depression talking, and that things will get better. But I’m struggling to stay passive and understanding. It’s building complete resentment in me, I feel completely unappreciated in the fact that I am running a house, holding a job down, being mum and dad to our children while he deals with his issues. I know it sounds completely selfish and I apologise. I like to think I’m strong, but I’m really being tested at the moment and am looking for some advice as in what to do? Any help will be totally appreciated. Thank you so much for reading
You're not selfish! It hurts and I'm so sorry. It's NOT you - but you know that.....my husband and I turned it around (mostly) by going to marriage counseling - but that was only after my resentment had built to such a level that I said I wanted a divorce. That caught his attention! He still has bad days (like yesterday) but at least now it is not EVERY day. It is a struggle and I'd like to say that it will get better.....but one day at a time, right? Are YOU seeing a therapist at all? I did, and it helped me so much. Please consider it, because you need to vent this out and have support as well. You are only human and staying passive and understanding 24/7 is impossible for anyone.
I know everything you're feeling, believe me. You ARE strong, please don't think you're not. Every step you take every single day shows how strong you are! Get some help for you first, then work on the marriage counselor.
You should definitely see a therapist yourself. And you should maintain your own social life as well, as best you can. Put your own oxygen mask on first. <3