It's not selfish, it really isn't. There are things you want from life and that's okay, you should never lower your standards. From the way you write about him it sounds like he used to want the things you want too. It might not be that he doesn't still want those things but that right now he just can't imagine them or can't think of future plans. It's hard to think of the future when you're trying to get through one day at a time. It's hard to feel excited when you feel numb.

Honestly, be positive, share with him, be yourself. Even if it isn't reciprocated. He may appreciate you and just not be able to tell you right now. I know that personally when my boyfriend went through his depression it was hard for me to understand he didn't want me and it was hard to know that I wasn't a priority in his life at that time, it was him and his depression and his healing. I knew all I could do was just be there and try to be myself and try to live my life. honestly I cried a lot during that time because I mainly didn't know what to do for a long time - I still don't fully know what to do.

The thing is you can't MAKE him want you and it SUCKS. But if YOU want HIM and all the future you planned out with him then you need to learn to accept all of him and choose to be there or decide that this isn't what you need in life. If you decide that you need more, that you can't stay in the situation then that's okay, yes it may sound "selfish" but really you're just taking care of yourself and that's OKAY. Learning to accept that depression is something you may have to deal with for a long time is hard and that's something only you can figure out how to do.

If you want to stay then I think the "point" is all thing good you had/ can have again in your future, the point is your love for him and how you feel with him when he isn't sick, it's the speacialness you have together and everything you wrote about. Right now things might be tough but if he gets help and has a good support system then there is always the possibility of things getting better.

THANK YOU.... thank u so very much for taking the time to not only read my post but to also find the time to reply to it, your words have REALLY helped sink in the fact of truth I already know...We WILL be okay... things WILL get better and I haven't lost him for ever.. it's just so nice to hear someone who is understanding on what it all feels like... I know deep down inside I would wait a thousand years for just that one day of what we had before... it would all be worth it. He is my best friend and it hurts so much seeing such a good man feel so useless and I loved when that is not the case at all...

Thank u for what you wrote... it makes a lot of sense and has sent me some good positive vibes... appreciation over the roof! Xxx

Just wanted to say that I can soo relate to what you're saying. That constant debate - should I slow down/set the bar lower/reside nearer to the place my husband occupies because I want to go thru life with him, or should I be true to myself/follow my dreams/appreciate all the energy and enthusiasm and generally positive outlook on life that is me? I'm learning to appreciate the times he's emotionally present and motivated and looking to friends to share joy and energy when he's not. But it requires letting go of some hopes I had for what having a life partner looks like, and thats been hard. I'm learning to be honest with myself about when something feels lacking, and instead of being resentful, trying to find other ways to fill it. But Ive still got a ways to go.

I totally hear you! I wrestle with the same things. Because we have 3 young kids together, I feel obligated to continue to stay with my husband, even though his depression manifests as just being an unfriendly, selfish, mediocre asshole. This is totally not what I envisioned for my life, or for my kids. I'm so jealous of my friends who "normal" husbands. Truly, I'm not sure how much longer I can hang in here. He's been on and off meds several times and I do notice a small improvement when he is on them, but he is currently off and not willing to go back on. Ugh.