Hi there, I'm really sorry you're going through this. My BF of 1.5 years (not nearly a marriage I know) who is usually sweet, kind, and understanding has been going through his latest downward cycle which is more focused on me this time -- repeatedly accusing me of wanting to be with others over him, refusing to believe I do care for him, rejecting my affection, convinced I am happier without him... the list goes on. He is currently not receptive to my pleas to let me visit him or see him and simply repeats that no, I don't actually want to see him. I know this is his illness speaking... but every time he rejects my love, it feels like the blade of a knife. How many times can I keep trying to convince myself to not take it personally? I exist in two neutrotic states: reeling in pain from his most recent attack or numbing myself to the situation while waiting the phase out. It's exhausting and I don't want to leave him. But I'm also not sure what I'm doing. I'm confused and I miss the caring man I fell in love with. I know he is still there, and I know this is the same reason he has the capacity for such tenderness and kindness. Why is he pushing me away when all I know is to love him and try? Is my love not enough? Is his love for me not enough?
I don't have answers for you; I'm truly sorry for the pain I can see in your post. I just thought you'd like to know you might not be alone in what you're experiencing.

Thank you for the response and yes there are a lot of us that desk with this pain daily. I would have thought it would get easier in time just knowing the situation. I don't think it will ever get easier for any of us. The triggers are various and you never know what will be the cause.

I realized I mistakenly put my main post as your reply -- apologies.
The triggers are hard, yes -- and seem to be out of nowhere so you end up walking on eggshells sometimes. The whole enabler-thing -- I might be guilty of that too -- I just don't want deal with rocking the boat or tempting fate. I know that you've had to fend with this for much longer than I, but have you been able to establish boundaries or "ground rules?" Like, it's okay to feel sad -- it's not okay to say hurtful things about/to me... I've been thinking I need to do that! but, of course... rocking the boat is scary.
I'm sure your wife knows how fortunate she is to have you, ultimately deep inside. I hope you are trying to make sure you're taking care of and being kind to yourself as well.

I try to take care of myself but weeks like this are the hardest with lack of sleep and the stress of trying to make sure she is ok. I am giving her as much space as she needs right now and letting her cope a little, I am very quiet and keep conversation to a minimum but polite and caring. When the depression is affecting her it's more like walking on glass barefoot, even breathing can set her off. I am sure she know's i love her and that i am not racing out the door because she can change her mind in a instant.
Sometimes as care givers we get overwhelmed so it's ok with your response. I can totally understand.

hello, i know exactly what you are going through, my wife has severe deppression and social anxiety. we have been married 9 years and we have tried every medicine cocktail that out there. she cycles through good times and then a down cycle will hit and sometimes it feels it will never end. She forgets that she loves me, the affection and physical intimacy completely stop. she gets angry at me for the smallest things and says hateful hurtful things only to apologize at a later date. This doesnt make the hurt we feel as supporters any better. i love her with all my heart and even tho i have researched depression extensively and i KNOW that this isnt the real her it is still hard to absorb the brunt of her illness. i am an enabler as well, i pamper her and see to her every need because i do not want something to trigger an episode.
I hold down a high stress job, i do all the house work, the cooking and cleaning etc. because her depression causes her to withdraw when anger isnt the key component to her current mood. I dont sleep and i dont take care of myself because i worry about her constantly.
If you ever want to talk and get another mans perspective on this, please reach out to me. The conversation would help me with my struggles as well. you know what they say, no man is an island :)

Hey, I have a history of being put on medicine and I know all too well some times the body can become immune to medicines, I have been on many meds in my life time and finally got taken off all the medicine when I was 16 (now I am 18), and I feel much better since I have quit the meds. I am not sure of your wife's medicine history, but she may have a slimier issue that I have had, my medicines would all work just fine in the beginning but after a few months of being on them I got ALL the negative side effects and NONE of the positive benefits. I have been on multiple medicine for ADHD, Insomnia, Bipolar depression, and other types of problems. If she has this problem you should consider trying natural solutions, I can not say if you should get her off her meds because I don't really know either of you, but yeah if you can get her to drink different types of tea then she could benefit from it!

Peppermint+Honey+Chamomile=Anti-Headache tea

Chamomile+Lavender+Honey=Sleep Inducer tea (Sleepy time tea, works well against sleepless nights from Insomnia)

Chamomile+Honey+Green tea=Stress and Anxiety Reliever

and there are many other natural tea combos that do different things if you do your research, the honey is more for flavor but does aid in raising energy levels and helping relax.
JUST MAKE SURE SHE IS NOT ALLERGIC TO ANY OF THESE HERBS.

Most local grocers do carry all-natural tea if you look hard, but you will have to mix the tea bags together your self, they don't have pre-made tea bags with these combos. I would say try to give her these when she is having any of those problems, it may be more effective then her meds and maybe even benefit her more. Just make sure you do your research and make sure none of these herbs can conflict with her meds and also make sure she does not have any allergies. Most of these don't have any side effects and should not conflict with medicine, but it is better to be safe then sorry.

I hope this helped you try and find other things to help her other then meds, and I am sorry I don't have any idea what to say other then try this because the meds did not seem to work.

I make these tea mixtures for my mother because she has slimier issues and the tea seems to work well, or at least according to her, but everyone is different. It works for me too.

I want to encourage you and say that getting your own place will hurt like hell, but I know you can do it and you will survive it. In time you'll notice the sunshine more and feel a breath of fresh air. Here for you

Hello. I want you to know that I am going through the same thing. My husband and love of 17 years is depressed and on anti depressants and is drinking nightly. He is also blaming me and saying he was pressured into marriage and that this isn't working. He no longer shows affection or says he loves me. He sleeps a lot and has a stressful job. I am trying the best I can but when he comes home from drinking he picks fiights with me and we just end up yelling at each other. He has lost respect for me and I think honestly believes this is my fault. I don't want to give up on him and I love him so much. But the verbal abuse is almost too much to handle. I don't know what to do.

If I understand your post you think the medication caused her to have Anhedonia? Your wife was on an Antidepressant, and Anhedonia is not generally a side effect of Antidepressants.

Anhedonia is a core symptom of UniPolar Depression, Clinical Depression, most Major Mood Disorders, etc. It happens because the brain's reward system breaks down affecting the way dopamine is produced and delivered.

You said you took your wife to a Neuro center, have you taken her to a Psychiatrist? Does she see a Therapist routinely for her Depression?

Sorry to all of you that have replied. I went through a rough time trying to figure out why my life seemed to be falling apart. I have moved into my own place and have been alone now for a little over 2 months. It was a real struggle to keep up the happy guy that i try to be. Since I moved out the first 3 weeks where rather good we talked almost every day or every other day if at nothing else texted and kept a civil tone. I even went down for dinner a couple times. On the 4th week i was there talking to my 18 year old daughters about getting their stuff together for college. She called to me from her bedroom (where she seemed to live for the last 6 years or more). As i opened the door she started talking down to me and belittling me to my kids. I put my hands up in defense and informed her that i was going home and when she was ready to talk we could. It has now been 5 weeks and the talking has came to a complete halt. Other than for the sake of the children and when she wants her child support and money for the kids trips. I have grown independent and do everything i can for my children but as far as her i have stopped.
I went through a anger management counselling due to her telling me that i was in need of some help. I think just to prove her wrong i went and the counselor was amazed that i was there. I took some of the psychology tests for anger management that the counselor had and nothing. So it turned into a marriage and relationship counseling class. 5 weeks and the counselor told me to move on and live my life. Yeah if it was that easy. I still worry about her and think about her a lot but i can't do anything else in the marriage. The amazing part is again i was diagnosed as being the enabler for her. I have handled it as best as possible and remain in the background watching.
Some things I have learned along the way so far is that I am stronger than i thought and can handle more than i want. If i go back and we try to get this fixed then she has a lot of work to do on herself. I will not step back into our marriage until she works on her personal problems. She has not gone to get any help and has pushed her sister that wants to help away too. She can come up with a million excuses why and has put herself into a situation where all she does is works picking up 2 to 3 shifts a week and spending little time with our children which she insisted she wanted to be with. The older 2 (18 year old twin girls) are done with it and tired of cooking all the meals and cleaning all the time. I feel bad for them but what can i do. So i stand on the outside watching as the world goes by around me wishing i could help but my hands are tied.

Good Day, I didn't read your post as I am sure it sounds like my wife did. Wellbitrum has saved my marriage. Sexual side effects are gone, and she is alive again. Still has a ugly attitude but so far so good. I will see how things are at the 8 month mark. Its by far not the relief I was hoping for but it has been the closest to the old alive her I seen in a while.

Good Luck