Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
Recently I feel like my dad doesn't support my choice to stay with my boyfriend, my parents used to love him and never had a bad thing to say about him but recently my dad is just super negative and my mom is torn between supporting me and taking my dads side. I get that they're worried and I get that they may not have pictured this life for me, that they pictured their son in law wouldn't be ill... but I wish that they could be more supportive and see how happy he makes me and not just focus on the bad things. My mom understands but my dad doesn't and I don't want to divide them with my choices and actions but I just hate feeling that I have to choose between him and them.
I wish they would be more encouraging during more difficult times instead of judgmental, I wish they would help me instead of add more stress to my plate.
... I wish I was able to tell them all of this without causing an argument.
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Hi All.... It's great to see all of the new people joining the site... I'm loving it!!...smileI'm not sure if people are aware that if you don't have Bipolar Disorder but have a loved one who has the disorder we do have a board for people to go to in order to share their experiences and seek friendship, support or adviseIt's the Friends and Family of Bipolar Board.... I hope you'll take a...
Your parents are also older and wiser and no doubt have seen or been around people who suffer from Serious Depression. They may have even seen couples destroyed by it. I imagine your dad is wondering if you really know what your getting in to, if you know how bad Depression can really get. If your boyfriend has a serious type of Depression life will not be easy for you, and you will not always be able to support him.
When Depression, the dark, all-consuming, severe Depression comes out in a person, they turn into a person that you don't know anymore. From the moment you open your eyes your thoughts go to, "I don't have the energy to breathe, so i'll just stay here", you rarely have the energy to bathe or shower or even brush your teeth. If you have a job, most tend to go through many jobs because there are so many days that they just can't get there, or if they do they can't hold it together long enough to deal with their work. When at home all you want to do is lay on your bed or couch, not talking to or being bothered by anyone. You don't want to eat, you can't sleep...and your brain stays on a constant loop of all the bad things in your life and why your such a loser who can't even fix himself.
The worst part is you'll want to help him, you'll want to fix him....but you can't and regardless of how long you shuffle through the relationship, you'll never be able to. And the thing about us Depressed folk is that we tend to not know when we've hit rock bottom, and we tend to be very slow about asking for help.
You need to know all of this because it's going to be your life. You won't be the happy, loving person I imagine you are, living in the shadow of a partners Depression can make happy and love go away, in its place comes resentment, anger, sadness, failure and regret.
So, yes I imagine your parents are having a tough time getting on board with this Relationship, but before you're to hard on them, think about all I've said and think about the fact that the love you and would never want for you to be unhappy.
I've been BiPolar for 27 years and for 24 of those years I was married to a "functioning alcoholic" who stayed depressed 70% of the time. It was not fun for me, it didn't effect my sons much because I kept his crap from them....but I had to be everything for my family and I was the one with the major mental illness. Just know that if you decide to remain with your partner, it will never be easy, and it will never be a normal marriage if you guys go that way. And kids being around someone who is depressed that much, frequently....well it does affect them.
I hope that your able to repair your relationship with your parents, you need their love and support.
Take care,
kat
He has started to open up to me more, he kept me locked out of his first depressive episode and this time we've done a lot more communicating.
I don't know how he manages to do it but he does everything he's supposed to do during the day. He works, goes to school (gets great grades), showers, eats, clean, takes care of the pets. He even makes jokes most days. Yet the depression is still there, it follows him around and sometimes it's more visible, it's like he shuts down.
I accept his depression, obviously I'd like for him to get the help he needs but I know it's not easy. I find things always find a way of working themselves out, we'll be okay. Good and bad times are part of life... even if they're very bad times. I know it won't be easy, i'm okay with it not being easy. I know marriage won't exactly be normal but I also know that we'll have time to figure it out.
My main issue is that I want to have a good relationship with my parents and for them to be there to support me during the more difficult times. It's so hard to not have support when trying to support someone else. It's also hard to hear them criticize him every time he comes into conversation (even if the conversation is about something good).