welcome, and congrats for sharing, and asking for help! i'm in a similar boat, my partner has TBI, depression, anxiety, etc. its been 5 yrs, since it all kicked off, and i'm tired of always being the "rock" the supporter, the brave one, the breadwinner, the driver, the one who organizes the doctors appts, some day's I just don't want to go home from work. I don't know what i'm going home to! However I have my own distractions, I work, I horse back ride, and I have my friends, FB and Emails. I make my own joy, I share my triumphs, and my trials, without saying who/why etc. on FB I seek out comfort from people around me. I love him, and support him, and sympathize with him, and when he's wallowing in his own mire, I take the dogs for a walk, or go and ride horses! you have to be responsible for your own happiness, and you're not there for his.

All I can say is that I am in your shoes exactly. I am having such a hard time coping with a man who has such apathy and misery. My husband is unemployed, he does not do much to help around the house, and I am working full time, being responsible for our daughter, trying to make ends meet. Ironically, I am the one getting counseling. He is doing little to treat his depression. I am so frustrated. I want to leave him, but he'd be homeless and my daughter would never forgive me. I don't know what to tell you, except to say that I escape by going to work and having my own life, my own friends, celebrate my own successes. I am trying so hard to get him treatment, but something always intervenes and he cannot follow through.

So I understand your pain and frustration.

Hi! I understand what you are going through. My husband was diagnosis with Bipolar three years ago, after a failed suicide attempt. Until then we had no idea something was wrong. There were problems, but I didn't understand it was mental illness driving it.

We have been together for 15 years. He receives his psych services through the VA, which is a problem. He is on multiple medications and sees a psychiatrist once every other week, if we're lucky. He use to see a psychologist every other week, but they left and have not been replaced.

My husband's worse issue is the depression, but he also has anxiety, PTSD and an old back injury. He takes depakote, lithium, Wellbutrin, celebrex, valium, tramadol and a muscle relaxer. I think that's all. He willingly takes his meds and goes to see the doc, but it doesn't get better.

I beleive some of the problem is medication.(He'll pop valium like candy.) but he also does nothing else to help himself. He doesn't eat, except maybe once a day, he drinks Dr. Pepper like water and nothing else. He does not exercise or do any physical activity. He has no friends and no hobbies or interests. He sleeps or lays down 90% the day.

He no longer works, but does little to help with housework. Our son is homebound for school due to he has a very rare autoimmune disease. My husband has very little interaction with our son. He will help some with school, but that ranges from giving him all the answers or ignoring him. I worry constantly about the impact of all this on my child. I tried to set up a schedule to follow for my son's school and simple household chores, but little effort has been made to follow this. I even asked for everyone's input, that didn't help either. When I ask for help or complain or make a suggestion or express a concern, I am met with anger, then guilt, then depression.

He is like having a child. There is no partnership, just caregiver/mother. I have tried to be supportive, but I'm done. There is point where you have to help yourself. I don't see him willing to do that, at least not long term. I have a sick child to take care of and it's not him.

That said, I begin to question myself. Am I not giving him enough time? Am I not supportive enough? Do I expect too much? Maybe, my own resentment is keeping him from getting better? Or does he just want to wallow in self pity and have someone else do everything?

I'm very lost and confused.

I hear you. I'm worn out trying to keep up with stuff when he eats dinner and goes to bed to play on his phone. He's tired, his head hurts, his back hurts...I'm not unsympathetic...rather, I was sympathetic at first but I'm over all this. The last time he started getting depressed, he was proactive, got on meds, found a therapist, made an effort...and this time, he's combative, defensive, doesn't hear me, can't remember what I said the day before, doesn't see even the simplest things that need to be done (like an overflowing trash can I hadn't gotten to yet).

He has a previous dx of unipolar depressive, after his first divorce. I didn't know him then. I am just so incredibly frustrated that asking his opinion leads to a fight, asking him to help me with something leads to a fight, Valentine's Day lead to several fights...and I can't force him to go to the doctor. I just want to scream. He's unreasonable, combative, argumentative, and none of this is his normal personality.I do not know what to do.

I'm dealing with my own depression (on Effexor). I'm a diabetic insomniac with restless legs and chronic pain. I'm trying to get healthy and exercise more, but my own pain and fatigue trip me up a lot. The kids (2 of his, 1 of mine) are all grown and gone. I thought an empty nest would be calm and peaceful. I'm really at a loss here.