I'm new here, but SupportiveGirlfriend, I do not think you are selfish for feeling the way you do. I sometimes think the same as far as being here at the right time for my partner - but if we don't make it - then she will be all fixed and healed for the next person who will reap the benefits of my work and struggle to support her. Then I will be left empty while she is full and happy. Some would say that if we are thinking like this - then it is selfish...but honestly it would seem like we get into relationships to be with someone we can love and who can love us back. I'm not saying its right or wrong...I'm saying that it's human. It also doesn't mean it's going to turn out that way. I guess we all just take it one day at a time. And it's totally ok to express your feelings. I just found this forum today and already I feel like there are people out here who understand what I'm going through!

@ supportive girlfriend... If you love him and it's not an awkward relationship then is there anything really wrong with it? I mean you know you don't want to spend forever with him but if you're good for each other right now then that seems okay, no? Like I kinda agree with your mom, you don't need to make big decisions now, he's not shoving a ring in your face. Just enjoy the ride, spend your time loving him, helping him, taking time for yourself. One day the right time will come and you can just be honest that you love him but you don't see a future together as a couple. Your feelings seem genuine and if that's the case then you shouldn't feel guilty. I hate that the world makes us feel like we waste time, you love him, you're growing as a person and therefore aren't wasting anything. You don't need to jump ship in a relationship the second you feel like you know it won't work out because like you said we get put on different paths for a reason. So I mean for now so what if you know it won't last? You are learning about yourself, empowering yourself, empowering him and are experiencing love that will impact you strongly. A day will come where it will make sense for you to split and you'll walk away knowing that this chapter in your life changed you and your life. I feel like the only thing that really matter is that you don't stay out of pity and that you don't stay pas when your love is gone because that's when you'll really start chipping away at yourself and when it will be harder for him (because he'll then have reason to feel like he made you suffer through something on his behalf without having a choice in the decision).

@friendship_and_love wow thank you for that. You are so right. It’s not like I’ve stayed with him for over two years because I’m being forced and guilted into it because he deals with depression. I really do love him. && he loves me and if he could, he would do anything for me. I don’t have to make major decisions when neither of us even know what we want to do in life. All we know is l, at the moment, we want to be together. Who knows down the rode five years from now. Thank you so much for reiterating something I feel like I should’ve known already. It’s just hard being clouded by all these emotions. Just because you’re not the depressed one doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect your day to day life.

WOW. I am new here and your story is so similar to mine. Its so hard. my boyfriend has been absolutely amazing to me for the last 2 years. I, like you, noticed the subtle signs from the very beginning, at least 1 week out of each month he would get extremely hard on himself and be in a funk for several days but then he would pull himself up and be ok again. Now in the last few months its has just gotten worse and he cant seem to pick himself up anymore. it hurts so much because I too ask if this is how he is now going to be forever and if it is worth the effort to stay. I love him dearly and I dont want to leave him in this alone but I dont know what else to do besides pray because when I try to mention counseling or anything it irritates things more. Im so frustrated and hurt but a piece of me is still willing to fight for US.

When I used to mention going to see a therapist, he used to become irritated with me and say “I’m not depressed. I don’t need to go talk to someone.” He was in denial. I never pushed going to therapy on him. I just kept subtly mentioning it when he would be very low. && the memory is slightly faded now, but I remember the day he decided to look into therapy. We had been fighting about who knows what. After everything has simmered down he texted me & I will never forget that feeling. He texted me saying “maybe I do have anxiety & depression. I’m gonna look into seeing someone.” That was one of my proudest moments of him. I don’t know why in that moment he changed his mind but I’m so grateful. All you can do is be there & motivate him. I chose to stay strong & go through all of this with him. And we still fight through some things but therapy has helped SO MUCH. Not just him, but for us. && it’s not a one size fits all. My boyfriend first started seeing a lady whom he never fully felt comfortable to share his real feelings with her. He switched to his current guy && he lovesssss him. He gets emotional in their talks and he learns things to deal with his feelings. He has been put on Wellbutrin (antidepressant) & a small dosage of adderall (he has been diagnosed with adhd which has been linked to depression & anxiety.) the point of me blabbing on is to say that, of course I don’t take all the credit in him getting the courage to face his depression & anxiety head on, but I planted that seed in his head. I created the bridge for him to walk himself over to get to the other side. He just had to build up the strength to want to be brave and cross it & deal with his issues. I often do have thoughts questioning why I put myself through all of this. But I love him. Not just as a partner, but as a person. & regardless of if we are together forever or not, I want him to be happy and be able to love himself with or without me. I know if I would’ve left him at his most darkest times, he wouldn’t have been able to do it alone. I chose to put another persons life before mine. I will NEVER regret that. He needed me. He still does. But he’s growing and becoming more independent and one day I don’t think he will need me. He might want me, but he won’t need me.

If I might be so bold as to interject. If you have a choice (which we all do) and you chose to join yourself with a depressed person, you must change your expectations of what you want in your intimate relationship or be forever disappointed. It is possible to be happy as a spouse/partner but not if you want or expect them to be a source of support to you. They will not be your closest friend, champion, shoulder to lean on. If this is what you want in a spouse, then be prepared to be disappointed, or be prepared to adjust your expectations (which is very difficult, but possible)