Brand new to this site. I was looking for some help and support and ran across it. My husband and I have been together 18 years and married for a little over 16 years. I didn't find out about my husband's depression until we had been married a few years. We both had previous marriages and met through our young sons. He was passionate and attentive in the beginning of our marriage - almost overwhelmingly so. After our first year, we had a son together and  started our own business. This allowed me to be a stay at home Mom. The stress and pressure really piled on after the first couple of years but we were making good money and he didn't want to give it up. He started drinking all the time and confessed that he had problems with alcoholism in the past. This was coupled with a depression, anger, and frustration. It took a toll on our marriage and I pulled back, not knowing how to handle this. We tried counseling here or there but he never thought it helped(I guess I didn't either). He would fight the bouts of depression and even tried medication. He didn't like the way it made him feel and he quit taking it. He finally got help for for the drinking and was able to stay dry for several years again. He transitioned to a new job that he really loved and everything seemed back on track again. I started working part time from home.  During these first 6-7 years, we had some wonderful times. The problem is we still weren't quite back tot he connection we had at the beginning. I kept thinking that we would get there. We loved each other - there was just a lot of hurt and wounds. We continued to ride the roller coaster of depression(It is such a vicious cycle!) and I would hold my breathe during the down turns. He ended up losing the job that he loved which sent him into a tailspin. It took quite a while to get another job - and it was one he hated but it paid the bills. I had started working full time also. I found out he had connected with an old school "friend" and they were developing a relationship online. I found out by accident and he confessed that it had been gogin on for a year. I was devasated! It took many months but we were able to work thorough and start moving forward again. Then a year later, again by accident, I found out he was still talking to her.  I was ready to end our marriage since he clearly wanted someone else. He begged and begged and promised he would not talk to her again. His depression was in a down turn and he thought moving into his own place would be best. I told him that there was no use trying to put our marriage(trust) back together, when I didn't know if he would be seeing her. He agreed and stayed. He drank again and got a DUI. Since then he has not had a drink(that I have seen). He constantly brought up our disconnect with intimacy from the way we were int he beginning. I tried to tell him that I wanted that back - we just never had enough time to build it back up before a crash would come again. Things had been better in the last year. He was miserable at the job he hated and had had no luck finding something new. I finally said, that if it was that bad to quit and we would figure something out(I was bringing home the bulk of our support). He did just that and luckily found a new job. He loved it at first and dove right in. But now after six months, he hates it there. He admitted a couple of weeks ago to "being in a dark depression". Then two days ago, he tells me he wants to move out. He hates our house(rental). He has no fire for me but he loves me. He just needs to get himself together. I know this pattern - he always wants to run to something new to feel differently. Until we can get together enough money for him to find someplace, he is sleeping in another room and we are not talking or being in the same room at the same time. We have a 15 year old son still at home, and I don't know what this is going to do to him. We had planned a big family trip next month but now all of that money will have to go to him to move out. I have fought for our marriage every time becasue I know his vision is clouded but I am not sure I have fight left in me anymore. I love him with all my heart - which is now broken in a million pieces - again.