I am new to this group, but I need someone to talk to that understands what I am going through.  I have been with my boyfriend for 4.5 years. He told me upfront he was raised in a highly abusive home with family that was not biologically his. Due to this fact, he became a troubled kid that had many run ins with the law as a child and into adulthood. He told me he had also struggled with depression in the past. He had recently moved to my state from across the country when I met  him and we hit it right off. A year into our relationship he got word that his 23 year old son committed suicide.  He had been estranged from his kids  for many years. This set off a depression downward spiral that we are still currently in 3 years and 4 months later. Here is my problem, I am not sure how much more I can take. He shows me very little to no intimacy of any kind anymore, barely a peck on the lips once in a while. He either ignores me altogether or gets way too worked up, even violent over trivial or even non existent issues. He constantly threatens to leave or tells me to leave. And he blames every problem or issue he has on me. I can't tell you how many times I've heard,  "you're my problem." He is on anti depressants. I think he takes them regularly. He has very low testosterone levels which he needs meds for but is currently not taking. He has started and stopped Counseling a few times but is currently not getting help. I have not always handled our arguments with finesse.  I know I have made mistakes when dealing with him. But I can honestly say I try hard to be what he needs and accept what he seems to want from me. I put my needs aside as to not put added pressure on him, but nothing is ever right for him and he always lashes out at me. Just this morning he got mad because I didn't go to him and kiss him good bye when he left for work. I responded with, I am not the one leaving and besides you want no contact from me. You get mad and push me away when I reach for you so I don't anymore. He said I was wrong to assume what he would do and left in an angry huff. I cried for awhile after he left.  I called him a couple hours later to try and smooth things over. He yelled, told me to leave and hung up on me. Now I am on here, asking for help. I am moving to another state in 6 months. He has planned to move with me but now says he may not.  I am going with or without him. I hope he comes but if not my life will go on. Any suggestions on what I can do to help him find peace. I truly love him and want him to be healed and us to be happy.