Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
Hi everyone
It's taken me a couple of attempts to write this Asian and it seems a little unbelievable but I have been with my husband for 43 years and he suffers with chronic depression, he's had this for all the years I've known him and the unbelievable part is that he has never got help and still refuses. He has a lot of anger and some very dark weeks that can be triggered by the smallest thing, we are at the beginning of a very dark spell right now. I have always kept these times to myself and have never told my family of friends, I know he would find out which would send him into an even deeper spiral. Right now the anger is the biggest issue and he switches from shouting at me to ignoring me. I think it would help if I could anonymously share experiences with someone in a similar situation.
You sound very brave to me. My husband sounds much like your husband. He is 69 and has suffered from depression for 50 years, since his teens. The smallest thing that wouldn't phase someone who's healthy (i.e. something breaks, a cancelled plan, a casual remark) can set him on a downward spiral into depression. He falls into full-fledged depression every few years.
My husband is normally a wonderful, kind man. He's aware of his depression, has gotten help in the past, and even shares his story to help others -- that's who he is when he's feeling okay. Sometimes he can sense depression coming on, he may ask for help, and he can pull himself back from the edge. But when he sinks into the darkest depression he's a different person: unreachable and in denial, mean and angry, remote and silent. His darkest moments are always shocking and catch me off guard and are very scary. At those times it's really obvious that depression is a mental illness because nothing he says or does makes sense.
Do you have children you can reach out to? They must be aware of his "moods" and maybe they can help you reach him and get him help. My husband has been willing to go to therapy if I tell him it's marriage counseling--or because I'm the one who needs help (but let the counselor know your concerns about depression in advance).
Try to stay active and involved in other things. I hope you can find someone you can confide in. I've found that in the midst of my husband's depressive episodes it's like living in a house that's in mourning - even though there's nothing to be sad about! But you start to believe it if you don't get away from it now and then.
He watches lots of tv programs about mental health and asked me to watch one about Tony Slattery as he recognised himself in a lot of that, (moods, not drinking or drugs as he’s t total and never taken drugs. He won’t even take pain killers.