Depression Supporters Support Group

This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.

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Any advice?

WifeyDLC
WifeyDLC

Hi everyone,


I am new to this site and I've been reading the various postings and I just want to say it has been a huge weight off my shoulders to see that I am not alone.  My husband also suffers from depression.  He has been on antidepressants for over 10 years and for the most part, it manages his depressive disorder.  And, for the most part, we have a strong relationship.  He has been able to turn to me for support when he needs it and only has a major depressive episode about once a year.  These episodes, though, are delibitating to him and devastating to me as I suddenly lose my partner and friend.  The good news, though, is he does come out of them, eventually. 


My husband fell into a major depression 5 days ago and no matter how hard I try to calm myself and just be the support person he needs, it destroys me inside.  My gut is in knots.  I can't eat.  I can't stop crying.  I am trying to put on a brave face for him as I don't want to add to his burden, but it is so hard.  I am wondering how others keep themselves occupied when their partner is in a depression?  Do you find it healthy just to go about your business as well as you can?  Do you pretend your happy?  My mind is consumed with thoughts of my husband.  I feel like I'm falling into a depression.  I just want to not feel so horrible and still be the support he needs me to be.  Any advice is greatly appreciated.


Thanks again.

Dedicata
Dedicata
Hello!
I know how its difficult to not think about him constantly throughout the day.. I feel the same way whenever my SO falls into a depressed state. What i have found helps me best, is finding a friend who will listen. Talking about it for a bit, and then completely getting my mind off of it. Doing something fun. Because if i over think it, i start to wonder if its his depression or if he cares about me.. maybe not the same for you but it is extremely hard. I know. Just talk to people about how you're feeling because in the end he has an illness he can't help, and the last the he wants is to have you fall into the same place. He loves you and I'm positive knows how hard this is for you. Be strong. I wish you all the luck.
Dreambig
Dreambig
Hi, I am just joining and wish I could be as positive as Dedicata. I am usually, otherwise, in every other situation positive...but I am having a very hard time myself with my SO depression, and just as tough, the side effects of his meds making him sedated and just there. I pretended I was happy for a long time, still do alot of the time.. I keep myself extremely busy which is good and not so good sometimes.
BlueUnicorn
BlueUnicorn
It's really tough, hey? I struggle with feeling as though I'm on the brink of depression myself when my husband gets this way. I have taken up running/jogging and I find that getting out of the house for those few hours or half-hours a couple times a week really helps. I know he's said he finds it inspiring to see me doing something like this too (I was never into fitness AT ALL before the depression stuff)... so I guess my advice would be try to do something that absorbs your mind and body for a bit that has nothing to do with him. You need to keep yourself healthy and it's not being selfish (even though I know it can feel that way).
whatimeantosay
whatimeantosay
Yes, I go about my business. I don’t pretend feelings I don’t have but I focus on other things. When I first realized them extent of the problem, I obsessed for about two weeks. I was not productive at work, I did not eat, I did not take care of myself. I just worried. Then I decided that was a) not productive and b) not sustainable, so I focus on myself and “let go and let god” as they say. I do not try to be cheerful, but I do try to do fun things for myself (go out with friends, work on a really engaging project, tickle my baby, etc). I’m not a functioning person if I focus too much on his problem. Good luck, take care of yourself first.