Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
Yesterday, I went home after working another 10 hour day to my Beloved, lying on the couch watching a movie. He has more bad days than good and this has been going on for two years. It was another day where nothing had been done, he had made no attempt to make any money or further his business and I was angry.
My agitation evident, we didn't speak for most of the night. The stress triggers my racing thoughts and my depression. I woke up this morning trying to come up with a good reason to get out of bed. Now, I'm distracted from my work by this horrible heavy feeling in my chest. I'm heartbroken and angry at him.
The heartbroken part is the worst feeling I've had. I am paralyzed with guilt, and shame, and sadness, not to mention anger.
I am so angry that he succumbs to his depression. I am so angry at my helplessness in this situation. I want to scream and cry and shake that man until all the depression falls away and he goes back to the passionate driven man I fell in love with.
But I can't. Maybe it's not heartbreak at all...maybe it's just complete and utter helplessness. There is nothing to do but wait and watch him wither while hoping desperately for a miracle.
And yet I love the man with everything I have. I tear myself apart by joyously celebrating when he reveals glimpses of his former self, and I am crushed beyond repair when he disappoints me yet again, never holding up his end of the bargain in our relationship.
And leaving, even to protect yourself, doesn't really seem like an option. "For better or for worse", right? And if you just leave, well, aren't you a selfish bitch for abandoning your partner in their time of need. And all the dismissive things they say about depression suddenly get pushed onto you..."Just be more positive", "Just talk to him" Just this and Just that, like it's so easy.
But 1 + 1 doesn't always equal 2. Sometimes it does, but sometimes it equals -10 and makes life so much worse.
A relationship is supposed to be a partnership. There is a romantic side, yes, but also a business side. You contribute to our life and I contribute to our life. Things don't need to be exactly equal, they rarely ever are...but I am out of patience with the man who lights my deepest fires while raining on our dreams together.
I don't know what to do. It's hard not to be compassionate when you are also living through major anxiety and depression...but for the love of God, I WORK at it. I FIGHT EVERY DAY! Why? So I am a competent worthy partner for the man that I love. So I am a productive member of society that can earn a living so that I am not completely dependent on someone else.
But who am I to say he is not trying? Selfish, presumptive me, right? It doesn't matter that he hasn't made a dime since February, he totally moved that shelf from one end of the basement to the other last week. He's organizing! Give him a gold star.
I'm angry. I'm heartbroken. And I don't want to let him go. I love that man and I feel so much compassion and empathy for him. And that combination makes be very depressed.
What a horrible day.
My agitation evident, we didn't speak for most of the night. The stress triggers my racing thoughts and my depression. I woke up this morning trying to come up with a good reason to get out of bed. Now, I'm distracted from my work by this horrible heavy feeling in my chest. I'm heartbroken and angry at him.
The heartbroken part is the worst feeling I've had. I am paralyzed with guilt, and shame, and sadness, not to mention anger.
I am so angry that he succumbs to his depression. I am so angry at my helplessness in this situation. I want to scream and cry and shake that man until all the depression falls away and he goes back to the passionate driven man I fell in love with.
But I can't. Maybe it's not heartbreak at all...maybe it's just complete and utter helplessness. There is nothing to do but wait and watch him wither while hoping desperately for a miracle.
And yet I love the man with everything I have. I tear myself apart by joyously celebrating when he reveals glimpses of his former self, and I am crushed beyond repair when he disappoints me yet again, never holding up his end of the bargain in our relationship.
And leaving, even to protect yourself, doesn't really seem like an option. "For better or for worse", right? And if you just leave, well, aren't you a selfish bitch for abandoning your partner in their time of need. And all the dismissive things they say about depression suddenly get pushed onto you..."Just be more positive", "Just talk to him" Just this and Just that, like it's so easy.
But 1 + 1 doesn't always equal 2. Sometimes it does, but sometimes it equals -10 and makes life so much worse.
A relationship is supposed to be a partnership. There is a romantic side, yes, but also a business side. You contribute to our life and I contribute to our life. Things don't need to be exactly equal, they rarely ever are...but I am out of patience with the man who lights my deepest fires while raining on our dreams together.
I don't know what to do. It's hard not to be compassionate when you are also living through major anxiety and depression...but for the love of God, I WORK at it. I FIGHT EVERY DAY! Why? So I am a competent worthy partner for the man that I love. So I am a productive member of society that can earn a living so that I am not completely dependent on someone else.
But who am I to say he is not trying? Selfish, presumptive me, right? It doesn't matter that he hasn't made a dime since February, he totally moved that shelf from one end of the basement to the other last week. He's organizing! Give him a gold star.
I'm angry. I'm heartbroken. And I don't want to let him go. I love that man and I feel so much compassion and empathy for him. And that combination makes be very depressed.
What a horrible day.
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Hi All.... It's great to see all of the new people joining the site... I'm loving it!!...smileI'm not sure if people are aware that if you don't have Bipolar Disorder but have a loved one who has the disorder we do have a board for people to go to in order to share their experiences and seek friendship, support or adviseIt's the Friends and Family of Bipolar Board.... I hope you'll take a...
There's no Rule that says you have to let them live on the couch staring at the TV all day. You can suggest things that will help them get up, use their muscles, their brain, their body. You won't find a Pdoc in the world who will advise you to just let them rot and lie in their own sweat and body smells on the couch.
Is he seeing a Pdoc regularly? Is he taking his meds? Is he seeing a Therapist regularly to work through that which is causing his Depression? If the answer to any of these is no, then he has no right to just climb inside himself and live on the couch night and day while you struggle to work and get all the housework done while trying to manage your own emotions and feelings and fears.
It gets to a point where you have to say, "either we're going to do something about this and try to help you get better, or we need to re-think the situation." Compassion, love, empathy are great qualities, but when you use them to let someone not help himself get out of a Depression that is crippling your marriage and turning your feelings against him angry, irritable and frustrated, then they're no longer great qualities.
If you continue to leave the situation as is, your marriage will not survive.