I had to put my wife in a mental hospital in 2010 where they did a CT scan that proved nothing. They just did an MRI just last month, a neuro-psych test last November. It takes a while to assemble all the facts and have a clear picture. There are many possibilities about what is going on and each one has to be eliminated. Be patient and understanding with everyone envolved, including youself. You will find out that the doctors have a certian cadence when it comes to diagnostic medicine: effect may take some to time to tell when a cause (like a change in medicine or therapy) happens. As I keep saying to myself with my wife, the road is hard but it's not a dead end yet! This is what you should do: Study up on all aspects of her diagnosis and treatments, Journal everything especially her good days, ask questions, observe, keep no score, hold no grudges, take a step back once in a while and see life from another perspective, don't jump to conclusions and have no happily-ever-after expectations.

Thank You, Carl1961. Yes, there are so many factors involved. What you advise is really appreciated and I thank you. Really great words to live by, especially "keep no score, hold no grudges." Mom is saying some really mean & painful things, and she seems to have lost any impulse control. So it's up to me not to react. To try to see all this from another perspective and to "let go and let be."

I am not the POA and family has a "Medical Advocate" (waste of $$ if you ask me), Mom has sufficient care, but advocacy/action to get her medical issues addressed is slower than what I would arrange. So, until the MA does her job, Mom continues to deteriorate. I will continue to do research so I can be as informed as possible and share with my sisters, who "run the show."

Thank You for your advice. I really appreciate it. And I'm sorry to hear of your wife's illness. ((Hugs))

in 2009 my father had a truck accident which gave him a tramatic brain injury.but long before that i had noticed dementia/alzhimers symptoms.which i had concerns about,however other family members who were around him occasionally just blew my thoughts off.
finally,they sarted to see the same as i did,sent him back to my home area,not saying a thing and he had the accident giving him the TBI.
after 2 yrs of them being his POA i finally stepped in,simply because he knew nothing and they never answered his call for a thing.
what the new dr did was take him off the 10 mg of ambien(which is very addicting).
what he went through coming off the ambien sounds alot like your moms doing now.dad had other things as well,things that scared hec outta us .the fear he had of not understanding,trying to hide his memory loss etc.
but once he was weened off of the ambien.things changed greatly.however he was/is still some what confused.the dr put him on aricept,a drug used for alzhiemers.after a couple weeks we were able to take him from a 24 hr care nursing home to a 24 hr facility that gave him the help to be in a 12 assisted living facilty.
he is still on aricept.he has his done well.
i am his POA.i do his bills,give him money as he needs it,try n let him do as much as possible on his own.however his life is a routine now,take part of his routine away or add to it,hes lost.....
anyways my point being,i'd see about stopping the ambien.the new dr told me about how addicting it was,i have to admitt alot of his panicking stopped almost all of it once he was off it.
there are tests for dementia/alzhimers.you just need to find a doctor more interested in helping,then his cut he gets from giving a new drug out. i say this from our exsperience my dads first dr,has many times been put on suspention for giving out meds,rather then dealing with the issue at hand.

Thanks newlife51! I spoke with my sister, emphasizing again the importance of talking to the Dr about getting Mom off the Ambien asap. I think she's finally understanding, since Mom has developed a very hostile attitude toward the aides & manipulating through various threats: "I'm going to scratch myself and say you did it & then you'll be fired", "I'm going to climb up on the step-ladder and fall off and blame you" , "I'm going to spill soup on the carpet & say you did it" ....

Is this childlike anger and acting out is due to her MH issues or Dementia? Or both? Maybe she's got a urinary tract infection again, or it's the ridiculous Ambien that needs to be removed -- since it doesn't help her sleep anyway (she doesn't go to bed until after 3 - 4 a.m. and only sleeps a couple hours).

The hardest part of this anger is that she's figured out that she can gain her independence from the aides by making them quit, one by one, due to her hostility. Accusing them of stealing things, accusing them of hitting her; now she's starting to make racial slurs. Our best aide just tendered her resignation because this is understandably the last straw!

My sister doesn't want Mom's needs to "consume her life" and is letting the Medical Advocate handle things. The expensive Medical Advocate is on vacation until April 15th. In my experience, a lot of things can happen in 1 1/2 week's time.

I think she needs to be hospitalized, detoxed and diagnosed, so as to get her properly medicated. Whether Aricept or anything else can help with this??

The agitation has been on-going, but it seems like Mom has lost the ability to control her impulses or "filter" her thoughts.

When I tried to explain that by doing this, she isn't going to gain independence, but will wind up institutionalized, she ignored me and fixated on when will I be stopping by with more salad? I had to redirect the conversation several times to get her to even listen to the import of my words.

My sister already removed the night staff, so Mom is alone from 11 pm - 8 am. Now my sister is suggesting we remove the day staff, since Mom is clearly "done with having aides there." OMG. !!

Thanks for the advice re. the Ambien. That is 1 thing I will persist in following up on, even if I can't take direct action :(

amelah good luck !if at all possible,i'd get rid of the advocate.as hard as it is for your family.it sounds alot like my father when he was in the 1st 24 hr care facility.
he saw the ground opening.little people coming out in the we hours of the morning.trucks backing into his room in the early hours of the morning.the thing is,he really thought the truck was there,he had told me how it was in his way and he had to use the garbage can to go potty?.
first thing i noticed was he hated it there.then,he wasn't sleeping(thats when the ambien was taken off his meds).he was real weird.
so,i changed everything i could.different facillity(updated).more possibilitys of being independent.better counslers.
what i noticed was we had taken everything away from him.he was being told to do or everything was done for him.
the new facility helped him and me figure out what he could do,then let him do it.
be it 12 or 24 hour care facility,the right one will make all the difference,also,they are around others with similar issues.
we end up being the parents,its kinda hard,but gets easier with time.

Thanks newlife51. I would lovelovelove to get rid of the useless, expensive Medical Advocate! But I do not have POA. At all. My sister who does have POA agrees with me, but she allows the Medical Advocate to stay on, to be of support to the other sister who is supposed to be handling the medical piece (but whose favorite word is "Overwhelmed"). Sort of like an expensive therapist for her own needs. They know exactly how I feel, in no uncertain terms. You should hear my ringtone for the M.A. LoL ;)

I have a joke. How many people does it take to change a lightbulb? Two: My sister AND the Medical Advocate.

Sigh. Thanks for your helpful advice. Family is starting to look into facilities that could perhaps support Mom's needs more fully. We realize that her OCD tendencies & her displaced rage is due to feeling out of control. I hope we can find a facility like the one you mention....

Your mom sure fits for dementia. Having dementia doesn't mean they are dumb, they may not remember the basics but they can figure out how to get what they think they want. I found this is not the time to be nice, push daily a diagnosis, med changes and any help she may need. You can threaten to call and complain to adult protective services, Ombudsman , etc. She is her own worst enemy, she needs someone to fight for her. Hard, you bet, your choice . You are not alone, good luck